Need Advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Need Advice!
4
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 10:53pm
Anybody have any ideas on how to explain to a three and a half yr. old why her dog isn't coming home? Our dog passed away today and she is wondering where Captin is. My heart is absolutely breaking because that was the first dog my DH and I got right after we were married and before our kids, so he was kind of like our first baby. I don't think it has quite set in yet for me, but for my DH it totally has. He had to go pick him up at the vet and he buried him at our family's ranch. The horrible thing was that the vet tech handed our dog to my DH in a trash bag in front of a crowed waiting room and he just lost it. Now he thinks he made a spectical of himself. So I guess I need some advice on how to help both my little and big kid through this. Good thing my other little one is only six weeks old. AAAAAA!!!! Pets!!!! Such wonderful things but they can bring you such heart ache can't they?

Laura

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
In reply to: lauragarcia1
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 12:34am
I would simply say that Captain was sick/hurt and the doctors couldn't fix him. It wouldn't hurt to say that he went to heaven, and is not sick/hurt anymore if that's what your family believes. I'm a big believer in doggie (or whatever pet)heaven. Your 3yo won't understand right away, and you will have to explain it to her many times, but she will grasp it eventually. When odd was 2 1/2, her best friend was severly abused, spent the next 2 yrs relearning skills, then died as a result of the abuse. At first, she was happy for her friend because she didn't need a wheelchair in heaven. We had to tell her many times that she died, is in heaven and *isn't coming back*. It was very painful for her, but she did eventually understand. I'm not sure what you can do to help your dh, IMHO that vet tech needs some sensitivity training. I'm so sorry that your family has to deal with this. Lots of ((((hugs)))) all around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
In reply to: lauragarcia1
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 5:31am
Hi. So sorry for the loss of your beloved dog. My family went through the same thing when my kids were 1, 2 1/2 and 4. We explained that Sasha had gotten very old and was too sick for the doctor to help. They had seen that she could not walk without great difficulty and knew she was in pain. We had recently gone through the death of my FIL. We talked to the kids about how much Pop Pop loved Sasha and that they are in Heaven together keeping an eye on all of us. It has been over two years and my kids still miss and ask about the dog. We have lots of pictures of her for them to look at. Lots of times when I tuck them in bed I'll say have sweet dreams and one of them will say they are going to dream about Sasha-bear.

I tried to downplay the sick aspect. I was afraid they would associate going to the doctor with not getting better and dying. That, thankfully, has not been an issue.


It was definitely harder on me and my husband. I had gotten the dog before I even met my DH. He was heartbroken and could not even go into the vet when we had her put down. It took a few weeks to get used to the silence of no dog -- even with three little kids, it seemed quiet -- and get out of the routine involved with her walks, feeding, etc. We knew in our hearts that we had done absolutely everything we could to help her and that her quality of life was suffering too much for us to continue.

((Hugs)) to your family.

Becky

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
In reply to: lauragarcia1
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 7:47am
I agree with what the other posters have said. In addition, here is a poem that I found several years ago that might help:

The Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.



All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Hope that helps - I'm sorry for your loss.

Paige

P.S. Finally - I would seriously consider complaining to your vet about that stupid technician. What he did was inexcusable. My parents had their cat put to sleep a few weeks ago, and my mother stayed the whole time, and what really helped her was that after cat was dead, the vet put her in a little box and arranged her legs so that it looked like she was sleeping and then covered her with a little blanket before he gave her to my mom. That made it so much more comforting for my mom. And then a few days later they got a sympathy card from the vet (the card even had the Rainbow Bridge poem on it). THAT is how vets are supposed to handle situations like that - NOT bringing the pet out in a trash bag. How horrible for your DH.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
In reply to: lauragarcia1
Sat, 07-10-2004 - 12:37am

First I want to say I am sooo sorry to hear about the dog....


Now how we explained this to our children was we told them that our dog went to heaven to be with God and Granny Dot.

Heather

SAHM to