need advice
Find a Conversation
need advice
| Thu, 04-15-2004 - 6:05pm |
OK, I have a dilemma..
We were leaving to pick my husband from work the other day, and the little girl from 2 houses down just stood by my car asking all kinds of questions: "where are you going?" "what are you doing?" "can your daughter play?" etc. You get the idea. I'm already running late picking him up, trying to hurry, I finally get the kid to leave. This is the first time I've met her BTW.
We get home, it's almost 8pm, getting dark, lots of mosquitos out, we're trying to get the kids out of the car and into the house, and here she comes again. DH finally says I'll sit out here with them for a few minutes so dd can play.
The mom comes over and talks forever, but doesn't say a word as her daughter just barges into my house with dd. Anyway, they finally leave, but the little girl borrows one of dd's toys. This kid is 9, and my dd is 4.
DH took dd over to their house to get the toy back yesterday afternoon (which is now bent... hmmm). She comes knocking on our door about an hour later. DH opens the door, and she barges in again and PLOPS down on my chair, making herself quite at home. I tell her "I'm sorry, but she can't play right now. We're expecting company." It's like the girl doesn't even hear me. She immediately asks dd "do you want to go to your room and play?" Once again I tell her "No, we're expecting company. She can't play."
So the girl goes to the entertainment center: "Do you want to watch a movie?" At this point I'm getting REALLY irritated. I tell her "you can't stay. We're expecting company and you need to go home now." FINALLY she says "ok" and walks out the door.
I'm sorry, but I was raised to show manners and respect, and this kid is lacking both.
Besides the fact that my brother is moving in with us in 1 week, I'm up to my ears in boxes and packing junk, we're moving into our new house in a couple of weeks, and this is the last thing I need right now. Also, I really don't want my 4 year old playing with a 9 year old. She's at the age where she's becoming interested in boys, and learning about puberty (at least I did when I was 9). Also, I don't want to deal with the emotional upheaval Natalie would go through having to move away from a newly made friend.
How in the world do I handle this without being completely rude?
UGH!!!
We were leaving to pick my husband from work the other day, and the little girl from 2 houses down just stood by my car asking all kinds of questions: "where are you going?" "what are you doing?" "can your daughter play?" etc. You get the idea. I'm already running late picking him up, trying to hurry, I finally get the kid to leave. This is the first time I've met her BTW.
We get home, it's almost 8pm, getting dark, lots of mosquitos out, we're trying to get the kids out of the car and into the house, and here she comes again. DH finally says I'll sit out here with them for a few minutes so dd can play.
The mom comes over and talks forever, but doesn't say a word as her daughter just barges into my house with dd. Anyway, they finally leave, but the little girl borrows one of dd's toys. This kid is 9, and my dd is 4.
DH took dd over to their house to get the toy back yesterday afternoon (which is now bent... hmmm). She comes knocking on our door about an hour later. DH opens the door, and she barges in again and PLOPS down on my chair, making herself quite at home. I tell her "I'm sorry, but she can't play right now. We're expecting company." It's like the girl doesn't even hear me. She immediately asks dd "do you want to go to your room and play?" Once again I tell her "No, we're expecting company. She can't play."
So the girl goes to the entertainment center: "Do you want to watch a movie?" At this point I'm getting REALLY irritated. I tell her "you can't stay. We're expecting company and you need to go home now." FINALLY she says "ok" and walks out the door.
I'm sorry, but I was raised to show manners and respect, and this kid is lacking both.
Besides the fact that my brother is moving in with us in 1 week, I'm up to my ears in boxes and packing junk, we're moving into our new house in a couple of weeks, and this is the last thing I need right now. Also, I really don't want my 4 year old playing with a 9 year old. She's at the age where she's becoming interested in boys, and learning about puberty (at least I did when I was 9). Also, I don't want to deal with the emotional upheaval Natalie would go through having to move away from a newly made friend.
How in the world do I handle this without being completely rude?
UGH!!!
TIA
Desiree

Hmmmm, ths is a hard one for me since I have not dealt with this kind of situation, but if I did, this is what I would do:
I think that either
If you end up having to give in the inevitability of this little girl being in your lives, maybe you should proactively set some limits. Instead of the girl viewing herself as your very young child's "Friend" perhaps you could "hire" this girl for $1 to be a mother's helper for an hour a week. I doubt you'd actually trust her to supervise your child, based on what you've written. But it might be possible for this little girl to serve as the third person so you can play go-fish, monopoly junior, or maybe soccer skills practice in the yard. Maybe the three of you could bake cookies and the 9yr old's job would be to make sure you had stove safety, or make sure that the clean-up went smoothly or something.... Maybe she can help fold laundry with your child to make chores easier for you. I'm grasping at straws here.
Frankly, I'd try to shut down contact almost entirely if it's possible. But if you see that it is unavoidable, and the situation is getting out of hand, then hiring her as a helper might be the way to go.
If you set some limits from the beginning, then when she tries to come over you can say "Honey, we're not available to see you right now. But we will see you Tuesday at 3:30, as usual."
As for her barging in when you were expecting guests, I have no problem whatsoever with physically taking a child by the hand and sternly ushering her out the door. When kids' behavior is not what I consider to be acceptable for my house, I have no problem telling them so. The girl is nine. She's old enough to be politely told what she is and is not permitted to do when coming to your home.
I suppose that you were just so shocked that she did it, that you were practically speechless the first time it happened. But if it happens again, just make it very clear that barging into someone else's house uninvited is not acceptable behavior.
I suspect that you feel rather badly for her because she clearly needs some guidance and apparently isn't going to get it from her own family. Perhaps your telling her what is and is not polite is a good thing. She's gonna need to learn sometime.
So sorry about this situation. It certainly seems unpleasant. - Suzanne