Need advice on neighbors/playmates
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Need advice on neighbors/playmates
| Mon, 05-24-2004 - 4:50pm |
Hi everyone, I sure hope someone can help me. We have become friends with some neighbors of ours who have two daughters. One is 6 months, the other is 10 years old. We have a 3-year-old daughter and an 8 month old. The 10yo has been coming over to play with our 3yo quite a bit. 10yo "Tina" is bossy to my daughter and rougher and messier with her toys than I'm comfortable with, runs in an out of the house, constantly asks questions that are none of her business, etc. Now my daughter has started saying some things I know she's picked up from "Tina" and I've decided they shouldn't play together any more. "Tina's" parents think she's a well-behaved child who listens and minds well and her mother's a teacher who ought to understand that children aren't always what their adoring parents believe. I don't know what to say to her parents and I'd hate to stop being friends and good neighbors with them, but I really think Tina should play with someone her own age, as my daughter should also. How can I handle this?

I would probably start out by saying something like.
I really appreciate the way your dd is so willing to come and play with my dd even though they are at different age levels. Not every ten year old is willing to take the time with someone younger. I really enjoy having you as a neighbor and am so thankful we have such good friends living nearby, but I feel I need to be honest and would be dishonoring you if I did not tell you about a few concerns I am having. My dd seems to have been picking up a few 10 year old things from "Tina" which I'm sure "Tina" is hearing from school. Unfortunetly I need to tell you that "Tina" has been a little rough to, when she has been playing with my dd. I really do appeciate "Tina" and she obviously feels very comfortable at my house and probably treats my dd as if she is her sibling. I want them to continue to play together but feel for now maybe it would be best if you were here when she is, being a teacher and all I am sure you would be able to help me to help them play together in a appropriate manner. I was really nervous approaching you about this, but knowing the kind of person you are I knew you would rather me talk to you about it than to just avoid you and your dd.
This is a way to let her know that you still value her as a friend. It also gives you a way to show her what dd is doing if she comes over to see how things go at your house. I learned that talking to people and just telling them the truth even though it is really hard to do is the best way to go, otherwise you will start feeling resentful of your neighbor and her dd. To me when you are not honest with someone it is like you are saying that...I just don't trust you enough or value you enough to come to you when something is bothering me.
I hope this is in anyway helpful, If you are a religious person I would reccommend you pray and ask for help in speaking the right thing and guiding you into making it right.
Good luck
Traci
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Thanks for reminding me what it feels like when somebody doesn't think enough of you to be honest. I've had that happen before, and I guess I just forgot how it felt, thinking that the person didn't think enough of me to tell me what was really going on. And thanks for the reminder to pray; I've been trying to make my way back to the Lord for some time now but it's so easy to let "self" get in the way and say, "I don't have time to pray."
I'll let you know how it goes.
JujuD
Thanks for your advice to the first poster because I can certainly identify. Our friends who live close by also have a 10 year old dd who plays (especially during the summer break) with our dd's who are 4 and 6. They have been picking up behaviors from her, particularly whining and arguing with mom. I do like this girl as she keeps them entertained, and her mom who is a good friend is also a teacher! So she will be off this summer and more available when the girls play together. So if problems arise again I will know what to say. Thanks!