Need Advice/Support - Personal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Need Advice/Support - Personal.
11
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 8:21pm
Hi Everyone!

HELP!!!!!!!!!!! I have NO libido. ZIP! ZILCH! NONE! I could care less if I ever have sex again. I don't even like to be touched or cuddled or even kissed. Is something wrong with me?? It is becoming a HUGE problem with my husband. He doesn't understand why I feel the way that I do and so he thinks that I don't love him anymore. That couldn't be any further from the truth. I Love him with all of my heart. He is a wonderful husband and a loving daddy. I don't know what I would do without him.

Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated.

TIA

Beth

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Avatar for my3girls2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 8:58pm
although I think at one time or another we all go through this weather we are just plain tired or what have you, but you sound like you may need to see a doctor. It wouldn;t hurt and there is nothing to be embarrssed about. There is medicine and perhaps your hormones are out of wack? I would make an appt. Good Luck to you,,
Kim~
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 9:28pm
Hi Kim!

Thanks. I forgot to mention that I already did talk to my Doctor and he ordered all kinds of blood work. My hormone levels along with everything else except for my cholesterol was fine. I was told my cholesterol is borderline. Then at my follow-up visit my Doctor said maybe it's just a phase. What kind of help is that?? Anyway, I really don't know what to do. Sometimes I give in just to make my husband happy. I don't enjoy it at all and then the tables end up turned and I end up angry with him. Other times I cry myself to sleep because he says there is something wrong with me and if I don't figure out what it is he is going to leave me. Sometimes I feel like saying go ahead and find someone else to satisfy you, but I don't want to lose him. I'm stuck and confused and pathetic.

Thanks for listening.

Beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 11:39pm

Beth--


Do you feel good about yourself? When you look in the mirror, are you happy? Because if you are not, that can kill your drive.


Talk to your DH. Ask him what he finds about you that is attractive. Then go buy all new underwear with matching bras! I'm not kidding. I felt the same way. A lot of it was because I was breastfeeding. I didn't like my body. I was feeling way too mommyish. And my underwear had holes! After I took a few steps, and finished breastfeeding, I am now more excited. Plus while bf, it hurt!


Maybe it's just jumping into sex that makes it no fun. Try making it a whole day affair! No sex, just you feeling sexy. Hints. Dinner, etc.


Another thing, start doing little things for your DH, besides sex. Like when you dated, to let him know you care. We are emotional, it will get you closer to him. Call him to say you miss him. Put a note in his briefcase or car. Give him a hug when he walks in the door. Wake up when he's in the shower and make him coffee.


If you need to remember why you found him sexy before, make a list! And start reading a trashy romance novel! LOL


Anyways, I hope this helps a little. If this doesn't help, talk to your OB. There are drugs you can take.


Debbie

Debbie LaCroix, SAHM to Alex

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~ ~ Follow your passion!:&n

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 9:49am
Beth~

I know how you feel. My kids are 5 and 3 and I still haven't gotten my libido back. I'm so jealous of all you moms out there who have a great sex life : ) Things were pretty rough for awhile when the kids were younger...I never knew how important sex was to my husband until he wasn't getting it! But now I make a point to "be intimate" at least once a week and things seems to be better between us (even though I'd still prefer to just go to sleep : ) It's frustrating and I'm not sure what the answer is. I just want you to know you're not alone and it's probably more common than we think.

Gwen

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 10:56am
Thanks Gwen!!

It's nice to know I'm not the only one. Does your husband understand or do you fight about it?? Has he ever threatened to leave because he isn't getting any? I try to understand how he feels, but it doesn't seem like he tries at all to understand how I feel.

Beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 11:41am
Hi Debbie!

I hate myself when I look in the mirror. I haven't felt good about myself in a really, really long time. I am 5'11 and used to weigh 135 at my lowest (125 at my Wedding because I had been to busy planning things to ever stop and eat, but I quickly gained it all back) and no more than 150 at my highest. I was a runner and also played other sports in school so I was always considered "in shape."

I gained 70 pounds with my first child and never lost all of that weight. So then with my second child I started out heavier and added another 75 pounds and still have yet to achieve my goal weight. I have hit a plateu and so I am very frustrated. I don't seem to have time to work out because I am constantly running here,there and everywhere - dance classes for my daughter and therapies for my son and now physical therapy for me (foot problems), Doctors appointments for my son all the time, errands - just a little bit of everything that seems to keep me from being able to schedule a time to work out.

I was starting to walk a couple of times a week, but now my Doctor says I can't do any distance walking - I am only allowed to walk what I do in a normal day. I also found a Jazzercise class that I was thinking about joining, but now with my foot problems I am not allowed to do that either. So now it will be even more difficult. I don't know what to do. I tried Pilates because it's a lot of floor excercises, but that's difficult because I'm not very flexible. Everyone I know is on the Adkins or some other diet, but I am a picky eater and most of the things that I do like are carbs so if I went on any of those diets I would starve to death.

Anyway, I do think I would be a lot happier and have a lot more energy also if I just could lose this weight. And maybe your right, my libido might come back if I could start to feel better about myself. Then I get to thinking even if I lose all of this weight I have HORRIFIC stretch marks and they won't go away. I have about 40-50 pounds to lose to reach my "realistic" goal weight which I made higher than my highest weight pre-pregnancy.

I have asked my DH what he finds attractive about me, but somehow he ends up dodging the question every time. What makes it worse is my DH is a toothpick - he is 6'3 and only weighs 155 pounds. One minute he says that my extra weight doesn't bother him and then the next minute he is telling me that I am eating to much mac. and cheese. I think he just says it doesn't bother him just so he can get some.

Just a thought, but after I wrote this I thought to myself maybe I should join a weight loss message board or something.

Thanks for your advice and thanks for listening!!

Beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 12:08pm

Beth--


Here is what I recommend. I want you to call your Doctor and ask him to recomend a weight loss program. I believe strongly in eat healthy, all things in moderation and exercise. He can probably recomend something for you, but here

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~ ~ Follow your passion!:&n

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 1:37pm
Beth,

I can relate on the toothpick of a husband. Mine is 6'5' and 175 lbs....he can eat anything he wants and not gain weight! I realized that I was trying to eat the same amount that he eats and I just can't do that. You are very lucky that you are so tall because I bet people look at you and don't think you need to lose weight. 5'11' and only 135 lbs sounds too skinny to me! Don't beat yourself up - just eat healthy and try to feel good about yourself. Don't look in the mirror and cringe....see all of your good points as well. Remember that the majority of women aren't the same size/shape after having 2 kids....

You will get through this. I have read that to help you feel sexy, you need to have sex more frequently. Plus, with your foot problems, sex seems like the ultimate form of exercise!

Cari

Cari

Mom to 5 yr old girl and 2 yr old twinadoes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2003
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 3:58pm

First off I want to say kudos to Beth for coming out with this topic.

   

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 6:02pm
You know, I almost feel the same way.
I think my husband is drop dead handsome... I see him and think so many wonderful things about him. He is a great husband and father and this makes him so attractive.
I do want to be intimate with him, but by the time we have a chnace to do so, I am tired of dealing with 2 kids, my life, the house, the errands, and so forth.
Sometimes I just wish we had more time and less stress, but I do belive that plays a role on why I am just not in the mood.
Could this be your problem?
Good luck and I hope you find it again.

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