Need your help TMI

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Need your help TMI
14
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 9:45pm
Ok.... here is the deal.
My son recenlty came across a personal item of my husband and I's. He likes to watch tapes in our room since it is the only VCR we have, and somehow found a tape of ours.
We hide all our personal things, but some how he found them and now I have no clue what to do.
He saw something I do not think he is ready for. But now he is interested in it and wants to know things and so forth, curious about naked people...
UGH, I feel like this is all my fault. I should have been more careful about things like this, but since it was our room and hidden as best as I thought we could, I did not think much about it.
Please help me on what to do about this. I am hoping he will just forget about seeing it and go on. But what happens if he does not?
Thanks so much for your advice on this and please do not bash me for this post...........


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 10:32pm
i'm sorry, i know you're probably all torn up about this but i just can't help giggling a little!! hon, he's gonna be just fine. my dd caught the live version and so far no lasting emotional damage, so i'm guessing the same applies to video. we just went for full disclosure as we figured her misconceptions and imagination were worse than the truth. so we just had the sex talk a little earlier than we had intended, lol. once she understood exactly what was going on and why she lost interest, and now she's a little more careful about knocking if nothing else. the other day she asked to sleep in our bed then after she got all snuggled in said "umm, are you guys going to do private (her word for it, we used 'sex' but it was the private part that made the impression on her!) while i'm in here? because if you are i don't want to sleep in your bed." we reassured her that no, we wouldn't be getting it on with her up in the bed, and she was very relieved, lol.

btw, if he saw something really unique or freaky i'm not sure what you should do. we got caught in a rather convoluted position, but we chose not to go into how only really flexible people should do that!! we just discussed the 'ins and outs' in general terms. but if he caught something really interesting you'll want to make it very clear that that is for adults only and not something that everyone does.

my greatest fear was that now that she was over-informed she would be telling all her friends or worse yet SHOWING them, but it's proven to be an unfounded fear. just make sure you discuss appropriatness and i think he'll be fine.

and top shelf on the closet for that stuff in the future!!! roflol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 1:34am
I'm really sorry Mel, but I can't stop laughing!!!!

I know it will be me in a couple of years, and you will be laughing at me! I remember finding my mom's plastic "man-part toy" when I was 9. (Mom was single at that time) and I was horrified. She gave me the sex talk and it was ok. How old is he again??? Try talking to him I guess. I don't know, are there books out there geared towards kids and the birds and the bees?

I don't know what to say, all I can do is giggle, I needed a good laugh today, thank-you!!! And by the way, we're probably all wondering now, I know I am, was it a store bought video, or homemade!!! JK!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 3:20am
My first reaction to your post and the responses was that I *knew* I liked the people on this board. :)

My second reaction is to give you a pat on the shoulder and say that you should please try not be too hard on yourself. A definite DOH! ... very awkward ... But hey ... the other ladies are right -- DS will be fine.

As a general rule, I try to keep myself from conveying shame vibes whenever anything body/reprodution related comes up. I don't know what the experts recommend, but I'd bet they'd say that ds learns as much or more from your reaction than from what he saw. And that if you make a big hairy crisis out of this (with your distress -- even unspoken), you will only (unintentionally) draw a big, flashing emphatic circle around something he didn't totally understand and you will send the wrong message.

I'd give 'em the bare, bare facts ... 'when two people love eachother ...' and emphasize the PRIVATE nature of these things ... tell him you will answer all of his questions anytime (because you want him to feel comfortable enough to bring these things to you now and especially later ... and now is when you lay the foundation for a good rapport on the subject). Then *try* to put your embarrassment behind you and keep those personal items up high! LOL!

Depending on DS's age, I'd find some books that suit your style and comfort-level and his attention-level and leave them lying around. Then later, read them together and give an opportunity for discussion. I am on vacation and I saw this book yesterday:

Mommy Laid an Egg! or Where Do Babies Come From! by Babette Cole

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0811813193/qid=1092985437/sr=ka-1/ref=pd_ka_1/104-8830375-9116745

I barely had a chance to browse it (small kids and recreational shopping don't mix), but it looked interesing ... silly yet anatomically correct. It got mixed reviews on amazon. So I don't know. Maybe other moms have some suggestions for titles.

Good luck! Cheers.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-1998
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 9:23am
nothing more to add except you must see "parenthood" if you haven't. The part with the blackout where steve martin thinks he found a flashlight is hilarious.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 9:44am
LOL, thank you all for posting to this.
You guys sure are awesome and make me feel much better about this situation.
Clarity, your post was too funny and hearing what your daughter said sure made me laugh. Thanks for the giggles.
I was a little worried about posting this on the board, since some people take things the wrong way and start bashing. I just did not want to look like a horrible mom.
Thanks again for all the advice on how to handle this and the laughs.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 11:14am

Okay Mel...WAS it homeade? LOL were not going to get to know you well by chance one evening surfing the web are we? LOL


I have to say that when Matt was four he caught mom and dad in a VERY awkward position. I cried because I was so embarassed, I thought I was going to scar my baby for life! I told my dh that we were freaks and that we were only going to stick to the missionary position from now on so that in case ds walks in we can lovingly explain about making love....not doing the nasty bump and grind with mommy's legs in a position only seen in the circus!!!! LOL


After we calmed down we calmly explained that mom and dads love each other and like to be close. This led to him asking about the birds and bees, to which we explained very simply that moms and dads do a special "hug" with there clothes off, but that only moms and dads are allowed to do this.


The funniest part about this is that we know for sure that this night resulted in NICK! LOL So my poor Matt was an unwilling witness in the conceving of his baby brother! LOL


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 11:47am
omg, i'm pimplmao!!! you too?? why do we think those kama-sutra postitions are for us? roflol! i think poor brian was more mortified than i was, he kept saying "omg clarity, what if she thinks that's how EVERYONE does it?!?" and try finding birds and bees books that cover THAT! and of course she thought that daddy was hurting mommy, and given what was going on i could totally see why :) any other time that position would have landed one of us in the hospital!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 12:07pm
don't you worry about getting bashed, most of us know we're in glass houses and we are soooo not going to throw stones!! roflol. and i'm glad you were amused at my chagrin, i certainly got a giggle out of yours! those things happen, they really do, and i think most of us make it out without therapy :P

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 12:11pm
ok, this is sooo mean but you just have to bear with my twisted sense of humor here!!

>>>I'd give 'em the bare, bare facts ... 'when two people love eachother ...'

how exactly were you going to finish that sentence? "when two people love each other very much....they watch PORN together??!?!"

i'm sorry, i really really am, but that is just tooo funny!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 3:03pm

OMG!!!!!

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