Need your opinion and advice maybe tmi

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Registered: 11-05-2004
Need your opinion and advice maybe tmi
11
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 4:36pm
OK,
My 3.5 year old son has been VERY preoccupied with his "private"area. He keeps talking about privates, touching himself and touching others there. He has like tried to grab me there and I try not to make a big deal about it. He even grabbed my mom there yesterday! Im trying not to make it a big deal, just tell him that he is not allowed to touch others there and no one is allowed to touch him there. And if that happens, come tell me right away because it's not right. Is it his age? He has never acted this way before. He even tried to touch the baby there, then he laughs and says" I got his privates". I asked him who taught him this and he tells me his cousin touched him there. I said well, what did your cousin do--and he showed me, and said he touched him there. I talked to my sister and asked what was going on and she said she didnt know, and would ask her son. My nephews are soo preoccupied with their privates and butts, thats all they talk about! I know, it's gross. I just need some opionions and advice on how to deal with this! thanks

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 4:49pm
I really dont know Kate. I'm glad you brought

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 5:04pm
Lesley,
His cousins are older, they are ages, 7, 9,10, and they are all boys. When he is around them, I make sure Im watching Dom closely. But, I can't be with him the WHOLE time he is around them, ya know? I got fed up today and told him I dont even want him to talk about private areas anymore! lol. I just think he's soo young and innocent...thanks for your opinion :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 5:08pm

Hmm. . . How old is his cousin?

I think you should investigate a little further. It might be nothing to worry about, just healthy curiosity. On the other hand, if he's grabbing others, it seems maybe he learned that from someone. Someone might have grabbed him. I'd come down pretty hard on that. I wouldn't make it seem dirty or shame him, but I'd definitely let him know in no uncertain terms that this is NOT appropriate.

My sons touch themselves. They don't touch each other. They do it in the bathtub, or just when they're sitting around. I think they're so oblivious to it, not even realizing what they're doing. They just do it because it feels good. I've had to remind them never to do it in front of other people.

Boys are wired differently. Because it's "all out there" it's not as personal a thing for them as it is for girls, IMHO. But they have to learn what's appropriate and what's not. And the fact that he's grabbing you and others would set off a few alarm bells in my mind if I were his mom.

JMHO!!

Sofia




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Registered: 11-13-2003
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 5:19pm
well, given that the cousins are old enough to know better, that would really upset me that they were touching my son. That seem weird to me. My little brother is 10, and I can not imagine him talking non-stop about his privates, or touching me. i can maybe see the 7 yr old being obsessed with privates, but not the 10 yr old. Mind you, other than my little brother and a few sons of my cousins, I dont have much interaction with boys that age. What did your sister say about it? Was there other strange behaviour she's noticed?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 5:21pm
I think you need to go into more detail on what this cousin is doing to him and how and what he did to him when he showed him this........ I hope its nothing more then just being kids and your son learned it by that.
I think you did what is right letting him know its not okay to touch people that way and if anyone does it to him, to let you know.
I am not sure if Andrew through that stage quite like that. I know he was observant that he had one and was fascinated with it for awhile, but never to the point of touching other people.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 5:32pm

My middle son will be 4 in September. Lets just say, he sees his penis like and other body part. Sometimes he is a little too open about it, and we correct him. I think its normal for little boys to act this way about their penises (sp?), from what I've heard anyway. My friends little boy was 4 1/2 when he put his hand in his pants and said,"Mom, its hard like a stone", and my son sometimes points to the baby's when hes getting his diaper changed and says, "Look its Mason's penis." Sometimes when he is dancing he tells me he is shaking his penis. We have always been open with our kids and we don't give their genitals (sp?) cutsie names, we tell them what they are, whats appropriate, bad touch, all those kids of things. All in hopes that they will know their bodies, and know whats wrong and right. If that makes any since. I hope this helps, and makes you feel better. But if you do think something is not right about the cousins, do not keep silent. IMO, boys are WAY more open about their privates than girls are, throughout their whole lives! lol

Chrissy

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Registered: 12-01-2005
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 5:34pm
Kate I totally agree with past posters that you need to check more into this, at age 10 your nephew should know better, my sons wouldn't have done that beyond 5 or 6 and if they had I would have cut it off quickly by telling them they were to keep their hands to themseves when it comes to someone elses private area.I think I would ask your sister if it is ok if you talk to her sons about not teaching your son the things they are. And that it is NOT appropriate behavior and will not be excepted from you anymore. JMO

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Registered: 01-06-2004
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 5:41pm
Chrissy,

I dont think its the point of a child being open that they have one, and touching it. Its the point that now he wants to touch other peoples like it is okay because it was done to him.
IMO that is not okay. Yes, its okay to be curious and touch yourself, but not other peole, not like that.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 5:55pm
Just to clarify, I never said it was okay for kids to touch eachother like that. If thats the way my post comes off to anyone, then disregard it. I also stated that if she felt that something wasn't right about the boys, NOT to keep silent about it.


Edited 7/12/2006 5:58 pm ET by chrise-k

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 6:11pm
I told my sister about it, and she thought it was odd(her son is 9). Dom could be lying, trying to be silly or something. But the boys(my nephews) are very preoccupied with their private areas and it concerns me. My sister said she would talk to her son, which she is very good about, they are on vacation right now, so she has yet to get back to me.
The other sister there is no point in talking to because she is oblivious and doesnt discipline her kids. I have made comments to her about how she raises them and she has told me its none of my business. I mean her kids swear, say the F word, so there are other issues there.
From now on when we are together with them, I will make sure someone is with Dom the whole time either me or my dh. Me and my husband will talk to Dom about this and I think I have made it clear to him it is not right and to leave his hands to himself. Thanks everyone for your opinions and advice!

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