Needing words of encouragement

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Needing words of encouragement
7
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 12:34pm

I am pretty new to this board. I have been a SAHM for 3 years now. My children are 9,4,2,6 weeks. I have been feeling pretty down latley part in due from just having a baby. My 4 year old was Dx with Leukemia last dec and though he is good I am reminded everyday that he has cancer. Cancer? how fare is that? I felt guilty for being so happy after I had his brother while my baby was enduring chemo and not feeling well. I feel guilty that he has it. I feel guilty when I get mad at him. My husband has slept in our bed 3 times in 6 weeks. We are in no way heading towards divorce, we are just exausted. I am only 27 yrs old. I am not askin for pitty, Just that someone out there understands me. I love being at home and pulled my son from preschool when he got Dx. I just need some private time. Our kids refuse to go to dad for anything. I also nurse my youngest. My 9 yr old is having a hard time in certain subjects in school, and I havent been able to give him my full attention in a while. Then my 2 yr old DD wants to be held and cuddled, but I feel like I always have the baby in hand. I do as I am trying to type this one handed. I love all my kids soooo much. I just feel overwhelmed, and that "what ifs" about my son and his cancer treatments are killing me. I worry everyday about him. I dont want to feel so sad anymore. I guess this is more of a vent. Thanks for reading this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 2:12pm
Jennifer,

I don't have anything of importance to say...I don't really know what to say. I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. You sound like a wonderful mother and even though you feel guilty I know that you are doing your best for each and every one of your children. Just keep doing what you can...the most important thing is that each child knows they are loved and it sounds like you are doing a great job of that. Don't forget to take care of yourself in the midst of all of this. Maybe you and DH can come up with things that the kids see Daddy for and things that they see Mommy for. That way if they REALLY need something and its not in your "area" then they have to see Daddy to get that need fulfilled. Just an idea. I don't know if it will help or not.

Hugs!

Meg

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 5:00pm
I do hope you are involved in some type of support group whether in person or on-line for the cancer diagnosis. I'm sure there are other families in the same boat as you all are.

Just take one day at a time when it's overwhelming. Do what you can and hopefully everything else will work out or wait.

Congratulations on your new baby. I'm sure a new baby is hard on the other kids because they now see mommy stretched more thin than before. As long as you do find some time to spend alone with each as often as possible they should be ok.

I also assume that you have some family or friends that can give a hand sometimes? Take advantage of that if you can.

Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 11:08pm
Having been there, done that (to a lesser degree), I can say is that it will get better. It really will.

But that is no help when you have to get through it now.

What you need is actual physical and emotional help. When I went through it, I refused to let anyone help me. I didn't want to hire a person to help because I thought it would make me a bad mother. I didn't see someone to talk to because I thought I could get through it myself. Did I get through it? Sure. But it took an emotional toll on me that I could have lessened if I had help.

Lean on friends. Ask for help. That is what they are there for. If you have to, hire someone to take the burden off of you a little. Talk to a clergy member or a professional. Since you are nursing, I know that many meds are off limits but there are some you can take. If you don't want to (and I understand), then at least talking it out will help.

Good luck and we are here for you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2004
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 8:15am
Oh, if I could give you a hug; sounds like you need one. Remember; God will only give you what you can handle. But I know that is hard to hear when you feel you are being pushed to the edge already. Please, DO REMEMBER YOURSELF TOO! I know your children are your primary concern, and how they are handleing all these changes. You want them to see you reaching out for help, to see you then they might be more able to do the same. They probably are very worried about Zach too. Try not to let yourself feel guilty for being happy with your new baby. I went through those guilt feelings with a new baby, but because of something way less, (my husbend got layed off and had to start a new job and he was so unhappy during the arrival of our new baby, that I felt guilty over being so happy to have her.) Like I said this is nothing compare to what you are going through, but even I knew I shouldnt let myself feel guilty, and over something as silly as this, I couldnt convince myself, so I know It will be very hard doing so. But just knowing that you are feeling this way, and telling someone, is a huge start. Having a new baby is a wonderful time. Babies seam to brighten so many faces, mabey he was sent to you to help you all to get through this. Even Zach. To take some focus away from the cancer, and to put a smile on your (and your whole families) face again. You sound like a very strong family. I went to your web page for Zach, so I know you will be ok if I say this, "With God you are stronger than this. Remember God is stronger than even Cancer. Guilt does not come from him, so be strong and know that you are doing a wonderful job and you are all going to look back at this someday. Keep doing the wonderful job that you are, Mothers are special people. I know whatever I say wont do much, but my heart goes out to you, and I just felt I had to say something. Mabey I said to much, but if I have Im sorry, I just feel for you and will pray for you and Zach, and your wholefamily. Hang in there and vent anytime. it helps.

Violet

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 12:09pm
Thank You so much to everyone who has responded to my post. It really means alot to know that people care enough to share a few words. I was having such a terrible day, and I had visited a liitle girls web page that had had the same cancer as Zack and she passed away after relapsing
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 12:57pm
Hi Jennifer..new here as well!

I can't evern pretend to know what you are going through with Zachary..went to his website..What a Doll!!!

I could not help but notice your refrences to religion on his page, and as a christian I have to tell you there is only one person you can rely on, you have to give all this over to god. I would start by telling him that whatever it is he is trying to teach you...well enough already! lol

I have a home childcare and do know what it is like to have so many children around. Organization is a big key to a succesful day. I have charts and schedule's for EVERYTHING!!

I did do childcare while trying to breastfeed my now 2 year old..and I have to tell you it's like living in a dream world. No Sleep and a million and one things that go with that alone.

Is there any way you could hire some help? maybe even a college student just to come in a few hours to let you take a bath and get a breather? Maybe if you have a church home you could talk to someone about some help in the house? It is okay to ask for help.

oh one last thing..my favorite website for keeping me organized..go to ..flylady.net

they are great helping to keep home organized!

I will be praying for zachary and you family, I hope that you can be blessed with help soon!!


TRAci mom of 2 and maybe 3

Are you a M.O.M-Mom of Many? Find other M.O.M's

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 1:01pm
Jennifer,

My eyes welled up with tears as I read your post and your web page. I have a four year old also, and just the thought of going through something like that rips my heart out. I can't imagine what you are going through.

I can only say that you and Zack and your family will be in our prayers. I believe that everything happens for a reason. My husband was diagnosed with Hydrocephalus (water on the brain) at age 12. The doctors had never heard of this happening at this age, as this usually occurs in-utero (sp?). Anyway, over the next 4 years he had to have 15 operations on his head (shunt revisions). He is such an amazing person because of the challenges that he went through. His outlook on life is so different than most people's, and his attitude is absolutely incredible. Every Neuro-surgeon that he's talked to over the years is shocked that PHYSICALLY he is doing so well.

Just keep praising God for Zack's healing, and pray for peace.

God bless,

Desiree