New here and need some advice please

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
New here and need some advice please
7
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 3:01pm

Hello all,
I'm new here on this board and on I-village.
My name is Naomi and i'm 26 , i am married and have 2 beautiful children, g-8-, and b-4-
Well, i am ready to have #3 as i think my kids are quite independant now ( i.e eat by themselves and dress by themselves etc...).

Ok, I have been trying to conveice DH to TTC #3 now, it turns out after hrs of talk, that he is not against the idea, but he is concerned about the career i have always wanted .

I am currently at school studying hair/beauty , i will finish this yr,and want to have my own business one day. So he says if u are willing to be a SAHM and put ur carrer on hold ,why not ? We can go ahead TTC #3, but u cannot do both work F/T and raise 2 young kids and a baby, because i'll have to work and Nannies are very expensive.

I know he is right and i agree. The thing is that i have mostly been a SAHM and i really enjoy it,and i wouldn't mind being one again , i love nursing etc...

The thing is i feel guilty because my DH is so ambitious and i feel like if i'm being a SAHM again, ppl might see me as a lazy w/m who doesn't want to work, it's not the case i just love taking care of my kids and my DH.
I also love to work but i'm willing to put my carrer on hold and concentrate on my family for a while longer, while i'm young ,because i don't wanna conceive at 30 or over.I am really longing for aother baby and i even think i'm preg. already .

Is it really a bad thing for me to be a SHM ? DH supports me eithr way .Anyone else feels this way about being a SAHM ?
WHAT DO U ALL THINK ? ALL THE SAHM'S ?
Please give me some advice,
thx for reading me , sorry it was sooo long !

Naomi

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 4:48pm
Welcome to the board Naomi. Glad you joined us.
My name is Mel. I am 25 years old and a sahm of 4 years to my two boys, Andrew (5) and Dalton (1).
We homeschool our oldest and having a blast.
Now, about what you are asking advice on....
You said "ppl might see me as a lazy w/m who doesn't want to work" I don't think it really matter what other people think on your reasons for being a sahm! They can bud out. If you are staying home, then your reasons must be good enough for your family. That is all that matters.
If putting your job on hold is something you would like to do so you can be home and have another baby, then do it.
Good luck.
Again, welcome and please don't hesitate to ask or vent, we have a bunch of great ladies.





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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 5:10pm
Anyone that thinks a SAHM is lazy is not worth worrying about. I'm expecting my second child in March and will have 2 under 2. There is a big part of me that wouldn't mind going back to work as a break. I'm over 35, so I had my career life before starting to have children, although complications w/fertility caused most of the delay, not the career. However, giving up my career to stay home with my son was a tough decision for me, but one I felt was ultimately right for my son and my family. I sometimes find it hard to find other Mom's who relate to me....because I really do miss my worklife. Sometimes it seems all the other women around are pleased as punch to be home all day taking care of the house and kids. Anyway, my point is that I strongly feel that being home all day taking care of all the household business and raising children is one of the hardest things I have done, and anyone who thinks your lazy is crazy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 5:18pm
NO way is it wrong to be a SAHM! If someone sees a stay at home being lazy, that's their problem, I think it's the hardest job in the world :) I use to feel a little guilty about being a SAHM, but my views have changed. My son is 2 and I could never imagine putting him in daycare for a full day. I just figure your kids are young for such a short time and you have your whole life to have your career,and you're really young,too. And if you feel this way, can't you work part-time or like 2 days a week once the baby is like 6 months? And on weekends, will your DH watch the kids? The girl that cuts my hair works on Thursdays all day and then Friday night.
Well, if you can do it financially, and you're longing for another baby, go for it! And enjoy your children :)
kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 9:12pm

I first wanted to say welcome to the board!


I am Traci Mom of two boys ages seven and three.


*Ok, I have been trying to conceive DH to TTC #3 now, it turns out after hrs of talk, that he is not against the idea, but he is concerned about the career i have always wanted .* Congrats on trying to conceive. We have a discussion going in the "member to member" board on this folder about ttc.


*I am currently at school studying hair/beauty , i will finish this yr,and want to have my own business one day. * I am not sure about what kind of area you live in (i live in Texas) but across the street from my home, my neighbor has a beauty shop that was built in front of her house. She rents out space to two other women and she comes and goes as she wants. This could be an alternative for you.


*The thing is i feel guilty because my DH is so ambitious and i feel like if i'm being a SAHM again, ppl might see me as a lazy w/m who doesn't want to work, it's not the case i just love taking care of my kids and my DH.* Choosing to remain at home is a personal decision between you and your Dh. Being a SAHM is exhausting work. It is a labor of love, but it is WORK! We moms have to get that through our heads. Feeling guilty is a natural thing.


Whatever you decide I wish you the best!!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Sat, 01-15-2005 - 1:45pm

Hi Traci,
Thank u for welcoming me to the board, and for ur advice.
First of all, i have made a mistake in my writting, i have not been trying to conceive DH, but CONVINCE DH to TTC#3, but i think u got it anyway !

Unfortunately i don't live in US, i live in UK, but i'm sure it could be a alternative that could be done here too. In fact i thought about doing it at home for a while ( mobile hairdresser , it's called here .)And then graduate to something else in the future.

U are right when u say being a SAHM is exhausting , i'll just follow ur advice and follow my heart.
Thank u to all of u for ur advices.
Good luck to u all.
Naomi

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 4:44pm
Hey, Naomi! You just have to follow your heart. Who cares what other people think! If you feel you are ready for another baby and want to be a sahm still then go for it. As long as u and dh are happy with the decision then that's all that matters.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 7:56am

Hey Amber,
Thx for ur input.It does make sense, it's our decision and noone else's. I beleive that childhood is precious, mine was disruppted ( spelling ? ) so i want to be there for all of my kids( actual and eventual ones .LOL )
I think all of u are right. Thanks again for ur support, it has helped me great time with my decision.

Don't hesitate to ask if i can help with anything , i might be young ,but trust me i've gone through a lot !

Naomi