new here- burned out

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2005
new here- burned out
7
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 11:02pm

Hi I am new here and looking for some support. I am a stay at home mom. I am married and have a four year old very active son. I am just so burned out. I love my son more than anything in the world. It just seems so hard to fill up the days and I feel very tired. My husband works every night until 7:00 and he never wants to do anything with out our child. I never do anything and If I do get a night out it just seems like 2 hours or so is not enough. I am really good mom, I make sure he has activities every day, play dates and I play witiht him. Lately I just find myself staring into space. We have tried for a second child for two years and have that stress as well, but maybe if I can't handle one allday I shouldn't be trying. My husband is a great Dad/provider when he is here, but never takes my son to do anything. Will it get better when my son is older, and maybe they can go on outing so I have a break. I am really only away from my son maybe 2 hours a week. Is this normal or average. I don't know?

Thanks for listening and would love some advice.

jdsmom

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 7:38am

Hugs to you. I am not a fan of daycare but maybe a good mothers day out program could give your son some social and learning time and you some time alone. There are some really good preschools out there that have drop off programs that might help.


Four is such a fun age! Isn't he old enough for some sports programs like soccer and t-ball? Maybe sign him up and have Dh be the one who takes him, so your Dh can be more involved.


Do you have any hobbies that you like? Did you have a career before? Maybe working just two days a week in whatever field you were in would help you to feel as if you are "doing" something. I have lots of hobbies and interests that I persue, that does not allow me time to feel like I am idle. I am one of those multi-task persons and doing a few things at once helps me keep busy.


I hope you can find something that works for you and your family. This is a great board to come and blow off steam or have a little fun :)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 9:33am

Welcome to the Board!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2005
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 3:49pm

Thank you so much for your advice. I think that I will do soccer camp this month and maybe look into drop off daycare in our neighborhood. He is in preschool and that helps alot! It will start up again in September. I think these long summer days have been hard to deal with. I am glad to join this board.

Char

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2005
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 4:12pm

Hello, I am sorry I don't have much advice here, but I wanted to welcome you to the board. I am Olivia, married to Steban for 10 years, SAHM for 1 year to Mercedes (12), Lexus (8) and Aston (8 months). We live in Texas. Being a SAHM is sometimes hard and challenging, but just try to relax and remember to always make time to yourself. Even the children need time to be by themselves. Big ((((HUGS)))) to ya!

Olivia

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&nbs
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2005
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 4:48pm
if i didn't know better i would have thought that was a post written by me lol, seems we have alot of similarities. my dd is 4 y.o. and my dh and i have been ttc for over 2 years now as well with 2 m/c's within that same time frame (last one last week actually). i know the burden ttc alone puts on your daily life. my dh works til about 7 as well and he is so into sports, truly addicted, that sometimes he just comes home and goes directly to the computer to do his fantasy baseball/football stats or whatever other stupid thing he needs to catch up on. he thinks it's spending time with dd if he comes home, puts the tv onto a game and says "we're watching a game together." sometimes it really makes me feel like a single parent and makes me wonder if i should even be trying so hard for a 2nd child in the sense that i feel he's rarely there for our dd. aside from that, i too have been a sahm for 4 yrs now and i feel in a sense that i've lost a big part of myself. sometimes i wonder if i did ever try to go back to work p/t if anyone would hire me because i feel like my brain has turned to mush. this isn't a vent session (well maybe a little) but more of a i-know-how-you-feel post. i agree that trying to get into a weekly playgroup is a good idea, that's something that i'm thinking of doing this fall, not only for her to find playmates but for me to hopefully find some friends as well. sports is great, unfortunately here you can't sign them up until they're 5 yrs. or older :-(. i also started dedicating at least 3 hours a w/e for dd and daddy time (mommy alone time), he's actually taken to it and either takes her out on sat. or sunday for 3 or 4 hrs to play mini golf or bowling. it's very healthy i think for dads who work alot and late hours to have that alone quality time on the w/e. everyone benefits. GL with the rest of your summer and hopefully when the fall and preschool start back up you'll have more you time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2005
Sat, 07-30-2005 - 12:02pm

Thanks for your message. I am really sorry to hear about your m/c. I had one last year at this exact same time, however, since then I haven't even been able to get pregnant again.We are going back to our fertility specialist next month. We can't sign up for sport here until 5 years old either. I am going to have a talk with my hubby about taking my son out on outings atleast once a week. Wish me luck!

Char

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 4:37am
I agree with what you are saying. I found that if I don't take care of myself, it is harder to be patient with my kids (ds 3.5 and dd 1 yr old 7/23.) You must take care of yourself, but I understand how hard it is to find that time. I am currently taking an art class one night a week for 2 hours. I just decided to do it instead of weighing all the pros and cons. One night a week is not going to stress out dh. I know he can make it home on time for this one night. He does not have a consistent set of work hours. What helps too is to have someone nearby that can watch the kids in case he gets home a little late. On that note, it's nice to have someone watch the kids to just get your hair done. Getting my hair done is relaxing to me.
Andrea (sorry I have not posted in quite a while)