New here - planning to SAHM with Child#2
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| Tue, 10-25-2005 - 5:33pm |
Hi,
I have a 4.5yr old daughter and we are planning for babies #2 and #3. This time we want the next two children back to back (i.e. get pregnant within less than 4-6 months after baby #2 is born).
I am currently working as a software professional in a big company - earning reasonably well with good benefits from the company. My husband doesn't want me to stop working after having children 'coz he says this field is so volatile (software) and if I stay at home for 3-4 years it will be tough for me to get back into career. I too agree with that coz we live in North Carolina where opportunities are ok but not great.
If I were to take care of 2 children while working, I am okay --> both financially and physically. But, if we were to pay for day care/summer care for 3 kids, I will be paying my entire paycheck to nanny/day care. Also, it is physically too exhausting to take care of 3 kids while working. We sure will be able to live with what DH earns while I stay at home.
My only worry is to resign a GOOD job and then after 5-6 yrs after all the kids are off to elementary school, if I have to stay at home worrying everyday for resigning such a good job. I may get a job after 5-6yrs, but not sure how the opportunities will be, how far I may have to commute everyday, how flexible/rigid my boss will be with my work hours etc.
With my daughter, we found a very good home care and we did not get any problems bringing her up. She was such a nice girl at daycares and did not give us any trouble - though I always wanted to stay home with her. But now that we are planning for #2 and #3, it would be a pain to continue to work. OR we may want to have only 2 kids (not 3) and continue the job and life as it is now. Not able to make a decision.
My question for you all is: If you are staying home for kids, how soon are you planning to get back to work. Are the opportunities reasonably well after taking a break for few years from career? If any of you are in the software field (which is extremely volatile), how easy/tough did you find to get a job after taking a break for few years for babies?
Your response will be helpful for us to make a good decision on two things
1) 2 kids vs. 3 kids
2) continue working vs. SAHM
Thanks in advance,
Joy.

Good luck with your decision!
Wendy
Hi Wendy,
Thanks for responding back to me. I like your saying "There will always be jobs available...your kids will only grow up once" - this is so so true.
How many kids do you have? Have you been home since child#1 was born? I know it is a lot more enjoyable to take care of our own kids. I grew up with my mom being SAHM. I really loved it. If there was a storm and schools are closed, my parents never had to worry about who will take a day off to take care of kids. If schools were closed early, we never had to worry about if mom/dad will be home or not. It was such a nice and pleasant experience to have mommy "available" all the time for everything. I always feel guilty for not being able to give that experience to my daughter who is 4.5yrs old now.
By the way, what is your opinion on this ==> "Is it good to stay home with infants/toddlers or does it make more sense for mom to stay home when the kids are teenagers?". Those with teenage kids: would you please share your opinion on this.
The reason I am asking this question is: We already have a lot of gap between our kids. My daughter will be 5.5yrs old by the time we get child #2. So, if I stay at home for about 6 yrs (until after child#3 is into KinderGarten), then my daughter will be close to her teens. So, I may end up staying home for her - I just don't know how things will go at that time. My worry is --> "I start to be at home for infants/toddlers and even before I realize my elder one will be a teenager and then I might end up staying home for another 8-10 yrs which will be about 15-18yrs of my life staying home".
Sometimes I feel that I should continue working until my daughter is in her teens i.e. hire a nanny to deal with infant/toddler stages with children #2 and #3 and then after 7-8 from now, I will start staying home for few years while my kids are in teens. This sounds like a good plan too. Not sure what decision to make.
Thanks for your input and if you (or anybody) could give me your honest opinion on my above question (SAHM when kids are infants vs. when kids are teenagers), that would be great.
Thanks,
Joy.
Hi
I am new here also. I just quit my job last week and my last day of work is Nov 16th. I have a 2 year old son and plan to have another soon. I know how you feel and share all your concerns.
I left a high paying, good job in biomedical research to stay home with my son. Here is why I finally made up my mind to do it:
1) I am missing my son's life and I will never get this time back
2) there will always be another job in the future, but when my son is grown up I can't turn back the clock
3) with having another baby - daycare costs will be high (like you said) and it would be too exhausting.
It is such a very, very hard decision. and it took me months and months to finally get up the nerve to do it. I still, everyday, ask myself - did i just make a big mistake? But once you do it - you go forward and move on. Raising your own child will NEVER be a bad decision. Financially we are taking a hit, but like I said, when my kids are older I will go back to work.
Please let me know what you decide and I wish you the best,
I look forward to getting to know you better!
Josee
Hi Josee..
Looks like we are almost in the same boat - except that you already quit the job and I did not. Biomedical research is a hot market too. I have a friend who finished her Masters in Biotechnology - got a good job - but quit the job within less than 1 month after seeing her 14month DD crying every morning while going to daycare. I know it is so hard for mommies to see babies crying and at the same it is SO HARD to make a decision to quit the job.
I still have several months to go before we make the decision. Once I get pregnant, I think I will work until I am very close to the delivery and that is when I will/may quit. My main concern is to have to work during the "breast feeding" days. It is extremely hard. When my DD was born, we were only 2 miles away from work and hence I told our management that I will need to go home once every 3 hrs to feed her and come back. So, my hours were from 8AM to 6PM with 2 breaks in between - each 1hr long. But now, we bought a new home and we are 10miles away from my work. So, there is no easy way that I could BF my child#2 without having to use breast pumps. I am pro-breast feeding, so I will definitely have to quit the job after I get the baby. If and when I quit the job, I will come back to this board.
Good luck and have a nice time with your little one!!
- Joy.
I have been staying home since my first was born. I have 2 kids (7 and just turned 5 yesterday). Your questions really made me think...I always thought that staying home with the kids when they were young was most important. But I've heard that kids really need their parents when they're in junior high and high school too. I guess that time after school before the parents get home is when alot of kids get into trouble. I'm really on the fence right now about what I want to do. I am so happy I've been able to be the ones to take care of my kids so far, but now I'm starting to get the itch to do more. But I still really want to be with my kids after school, summers, days off, etc. I guess I'm not really much help since I have no idea what to do : )
Best of luck!
Wendy