Newbie & need of support

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Newbie & need of support
5
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 10:34am
Good Morning, Im a new SAHM with a premmie (so any advice helps) My Son was born @34weeks and has sleep apnia (sp?). I don't have anyone to lean on where I live (thats the military takes everyone away) and no family to talk to. Then thing is does anyone ever just feel like nothing more than the maid? I Breastfeed, but I enjoy it except at 12am, 3am,5:30am...lol. My husband gets the luxery of sleeping through the night, he can sleep through the crying and all, M-F hardly changes a diaper,S&S I give him no choice. I know he works extremly hard, BUT..... he will sit there and compalins that he doesn't get to see his son or spend time with him but when he gets home he sits on the computer or takes naps. Then when I get frustrated and express my feelings I get "Well how am I sapose to bond with him" honestly how should I KNOW? My biggest worry is staying awake to feed him in the middle of the night. Then he gets upset b/c HE cannot feed him, well DOCTORS orders he is to be strictly breast (or cup feed once ina while which he wont do b/c its "to hard") mind you witha shild b/c hes to small, untill he can go with out the shild for a month, then we can try other means. I didn't make the rule, the Medical Profesinal did. Its just hard and frustrating. Then he gets upset when I didn't take a nap but I tell him I was doing laundry, dishes, cleaning the house, takig out the trash, paying bills...etc. (godforbid I check my email) and tells me, "that will get done" like hes gana do it, but he NEVER does. He is quick to mention it to friends and family that he will take care of all it so I can "rest" but im still stuck with it and dealing with his 6yold whom I love but has adhd and is dificult (even on meds) but thats warrented.

Oh gosh I have gone on, I think I just needed to vent and see if anyone else feels the same way so maybe im not going crazy. TY.

Adina~

Fort Sill,OK

US Army

Mama to Wesley 8-6-04
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 11:40am

Hi!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 12:34pm
I cannot relate w/ the premie thing, but with just about everything else. My husband is in the military, I have a three year old who is ADHD and NOT on meds, and I have a two months old. He never offers to change a diaper and very rairly will he do it when asked. He never helps around the house, heck he can't even load the dishwasher. In fact when he gets home from work his BDU's or cook whites get thrown on out living room floor for me to pick up, and his boots for me to trip over. I hate it when he is home for the weekend because I can never get anything done because he wants me to spend time with him, but if I could just do my thing when he is spending time with the kids then it would be done. He doesn't really spend time with the kids, I have to beg him to. He wonders why I am stressed and argue with him? I don't!! Even my mom when she was down here for two weeks after the baby was born asked him if he thought I was his maid and that he might want to get that idea out of his head. We live 17 hours away from family (driving), and I have maybe two friends down here. Its stressful.

Cari
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 6:56pm

Hope things get better for you. Welcome to the board.


On Saturday or Sunday's I choose a time that I call ME time! I give Dh the kids and lock the bedroom door for 4 hours. I just started this and it has been great for me. Dh and kids are NOT allowed to bother me unless it is an emergency. I watch Tv or read a book or even take a nap. I know with your little one that would be hard but maybe after a good feeding you could take a while to do this until the baby is hungry again.


((Hugs)) to your six year old. I hope he is getting a lot of attention from your Dh. It must be rough on him to have a new baby in the house. Maybe your Dh could take him to the park and let him get some energy out to make things a little better on the weekends.


Good luck, and welcome to the board.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 10:08pm
Wow! It is tough when they're in the infant stage. You need to focus your attention on yourself and your child! Forget the mess. You are tired. Take care of you. You can always do the chores later. This time you are experiencing with your new baby is a very important time in your's and your child's life. Enjoy it . Your husband will have regrets later. Relax, it will be OK!

Also, check your resources in the military and community. The military offers several support services for families. And not-for-profits in the area. There is Parents as Teachers, First Steps, ...Professionals to help you understand the development of your baby and to give you the confidence to know you are doing it right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 9:52am
You poor thing.
Welcome to the board. My name is Mel and I am a sahm of 2 boys ages 5 and 9 months old.
I am sorry you are having a rough time at home and with your husband.
Have you explained to him how this is making you feel?
Have you tried finding other moms in your area? Try this link, it is a local IVillage board for your state.....http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-ppoklahoma
Also, try MOMS or some other moms groups on the internet.
Good luck and welcome to the board.


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