No support from hubby

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
No support from hubby
12
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 1:37pm

Need some of you to weigh in.

I've been a stay-at-home mom since Jan.

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Community Leader
Registered: 05-04-2011
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 3:38pm

Interestingly, by refusing to take both kids, he *is* dictating to you what you can and can't do.

I'm in a bit of the same boat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2001
Sat, 06-25-2011 - 10:00pm
I agree, decided on a "your time" and a "his time" on his days off and stick to it. Men need to be asked to help, DH is very willing if I ask but if I don't he will happily play video games or lay on the couch. And yeah decide up front so it is not a demand... good luck, finding a balance for us has been hard and I don't know that we are there but DH does try
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Thu, 07-07-2011 - 12:39pm
I don't think asking him to give you some free time on his days off is wrong at all. We all need breaks or we become unhappy and unhappy mom's are not good mom's. :)

Perhaps you guys should work it out so that on one of his days off you get the day off and he can watch the kids. You don't really have any "days off" for him to dictate what you should do. :)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2012
Sat, 03-03-2012 - 2:32pm
I have been a stay at home mom for close to 2 years now. My husband is a wonderful man, but does not seem to be interested in taking care of the baby at night or on the weekends. When I do ask him to take care of our son, he goes to his parents house so his mother can watch our son. When I ask him to stay at home and watch him, he gets mad. I am at my wits end. I need a break, but I do not want my in-laws taking care of my son. HELP!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2000
Mon, 03-05-2012 - 11:54am
I would sit down and talk to him about this. Explain why you don't want his parents taking care of your son when there is no reason for it. I've found that my husband is the most helpful when I spell out exactly what I need him to do. Even though I was reluctant to do this at first, making a list for him works the best. It's not that he intentionally wanted to drive me nuts, it was that he just needed to know exactly the whats, whens, hows, and whys for doing things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2010
Mon, 03-05-2012 - 6:17pm
It isn't a wrong thing to ask at all, but I don't get the free time either. However, in my situation I have major guilt and don't want to ask because he works all week- like I don't! lol
Have you tried some different kinds of phrasing? I am totally guilty of p**sing my husband off when I'm tired or stressed and my tone or phrasing is just awful. I mean something completely inoffensive, but it comes off demanding or whiny and I realize as I'm saying it but by then, oop, too late!
Community Leader
Registered: 05-04-2011
Mon, 03-05-2012 - 7:12pm

My husband used to do the same thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2012
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 3:05pm

I feel the same way. I'm on the younger side of motherhood(22) and I have been a stay at home mom for almost a year. Our daughter will be 1 next month. I can ask him to something and its give me a minute or the long sigh and then gets up. It seems like every night when he gets home from work he looks around and is making notes of things to tell me about my cleaning or what not. Everynight there seems to be an argument about my cleaning ability, I didnt do this right and what not. It makes me feel worse than I started that some nights I just dont want him to come home from work to only make me feel unsupported whan I have told him I just want some help or he can do some things before he leaves for work. He always tells me I'm home all day so its my job to do everythings around here or he will list off the chores and tell me how long it takes to do them. I know how long it takes but with a 1yr old who wants to play all the time or be held its hard. For a while I would ask him to watch our daughter or play with her and he'll sit there on his computer and say she doesnt want to play with him. He always tells me its fine to let her cry or it never took him all day to clean the house when he would suprise me on weekends and clean before i got up. I just dont know what to do anymore, I just always feel like his servant/maid. After all I do during the day that he thinks is easy, if I dont make him a sandwich or something before bed he will get upset cuz I didnt want to. Course thats not our only issue these days, we have had issues in the bedroom, only because if I use the excuse I'm tired he will get all mad and say from what. Its only been like this since January, before that he was always helpful. I dont know what changed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2001
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 3:22pm
I was going to suggest that he might be intimidated and goes to his parents for back up, or even to spend time with them without you having to come along (depending on your IL relationship). I think finding out why and talking about it in a non confrontational way might be worth a shot. I'm working toward the not-micromanaging DH when he has the kids. I hit the biggies even though I want to leave a detailed list of what we do and when and how... I figure it will be fine even if it isn't the way it is supposed to be done.
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Community Leader
Registered: 05-04-2011
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 4:35pm

Hi, Cara!

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