At odds about setting limits
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| Fri, 01-19-2007 - 9:06pm |
My husband and I do not agree on setting limits for our 8 year old when it comes to games, music and TV. I've had to fight long and hard with my husband to enforce my limit of not letting our 8 year old play shooting games or games with violence. But I am afraid my husband's convinced me that I am too strict of a mom because I disagreed with my 8 year old son playing Tony Hawk skateboarding game considering it's rated T for blood when the guys fall and the music is teen music. So now my son has the game and plays it with the same attitude his dad has -it's no big deal.
I on the other hand think if it's rated T and my son isn't a teenager then he doesn't get the game. So how do I enforce this? My husband thinks I am being rediculous and my son will side with his dad making it all the more challening for me.
Has anyone experience this or has any advice on how I can stand my ground and have more cooperation and respect from my husband for my limits on games and such with our 8 year old?
Thanks,
clover

I think that I will eventually be in your position since my husband is so big into those first person shooter games. I, personally, think the language and violence is too adult for a child, yet I know there are a lot of children that play those games. DH and I will go rounds about this, I'm sure. I think you're right in wanting to protect your son from these games. The problem that many kids have is that when they play these games it becomes harder to determine reality from fantasy and a lot of children have trouble with that.
Game ratings are there for a reason and I understand why you don't want your son playing games rated T for teen - when he won't be a teen for five years! I'm on your side.
I'm on your side too. I have a 9 yr old DS, that would play video games for a week before he would do anything else. My Mom tested him one day, he played his hand held thing for 9 hours STRAIGHT, nothing to eat no bathroom break no nothing, not a peep. Needless to say when I picked him up the next day the game went away. I was furious at him (not my mom she told me what she was doing)
At home, he hasn't had his video games in his room for about 2 months, if he wants to play them, he has to come ask me, and he HAS to play on the living room TV. He only gets to play when there is nothing on that we are watching, and if the game is a bad choice on his part, he can't play because of the younger ones. So it doesn't leave much room for compromise.
Another thing I did, He has an Uncle in NY that would buy him anything that he wanted. And he hasn't a care in the world for the age group. So I did a trade off with him, He would give me the "bad game" to put away until next year, and I would give him a good game. "Next year" has been 2 years with one of them, cause he forgot.
I'm a hypocrite with Guns, because I'm Ex-military and ex-police, I have guns in my house, very VERY Secure (my oldest didn't even know they were there until he was 7) but he is not allowed anything that is of violent nature, games, books, action figures, nothing. If GI Joe was in the house, he's better have a broom stick instead of a gun.
HTH, Good Luck...Stand your ground.
Joey
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My advice is for you to compromise. The Tony Hawk game is rated T for teen, but the blood isn't violence, it's from skating injury. In my opinion that's not really violence, that's...well, that's what happens when you fall down skating. That
I am a mom of older kids and I agree with you! My ds is almost 11 and my dd is 14 1/2. Kids DO needs rules and limits, however it's vital that you choose your battles wisely! If you turn everything into a battle, your home becomes a warzone!
My ds has Gameboy games that are rated T. They are hunting games and they are rated T because of the guns and the blood. We hunt so we don't consider them violent. When you kill an animal, it bleeds. When you fall off a skateboard, you could bleed. And I am not sure what teen music is. My dd and I listen to the same things. I wouldn't allow my son to play a video game that had him shooting people, and I don't allow them to listen to vulgar music. But just because it's rated T doesn't make it bad to me. If the game is just skateboarding and the music isn't vulgar or with adult themes(rape, sex, etc.) then I wouldn't cause a fight over it.
Does that mean you should give in to your dh all the time? NO! Where I live Kmart sells CD's that are not edited, while Walmart only sells edited ones. My dd has to buy hers at Walmart AND I listen to them before she is allowed to. If I felt they were nasty, I would take them from her and pay her back.(however, I've never had to do this!)
The same with what they watch on tv, the games they play,etc. I am very picky about what my kids watch, listen to and play. They aren't allowed to have tv's in their rooms, and the only video games we own are gameboys. There is a limit to how long they can play them at a time, etc.
My point in all this rambling is that as your child gets older there will be more and more battles to choose from! Clothes, hair, body piercings, tatoos, etc. You have to choose the ones that are REALLY important(like no games with shooting people, no vulgar music, etc) and let some of the others slide.
Why don't you and dh sit down and make a plan. Each of you list the things that you are totally against (like games that are violent against people, vulgar music, piercings, tatoos, etc.) and then create a game plan. He can have games rated T that show no violence against people, etc. His music must be listened to by you or dh and approved, etc. It's a compromise that will make everyone happy!
Sherri
Sherri ~ mom to Brooke and Tyler, wife to Randall and fan of Nascar's Carl Edwards
I agree on setting limits and lots of video games are a big problem. I don't think all ratings are created equal however. Like tv, I let my kids watch Full House, but refuse to let them watch Spongebob, but the rating on Spongebob is actually lower than that of Full House.
Teen music ranges. So I guess it really depends on the music. If it is very offensive and/or out of line I say put your foot down. If its just obnoxious (like lots of teen music is) then you may have to pick your battles on this one.
I, also, am of the mind that violent games by themselves are not the problem. Though my kids will not be playing them. What is
clover
I just wanted to jump in here and say that I have an 8 year-old son, too, who would live, breathe, sleep and eat video games if we let him. What makes it hard for me is not so much my DH, but his friends. He has neighborhood buddies his age where it's a virtual free-for-all. There is a 9 year-old up the street who had him over, and I discovered they were playing a rated M game of this kid's dad's, and the parents never knew. Needless to say, he was no longer allowed in that kid's house. I never spoke to the parents because my husband didn't think I should. I let the two of them still play, only it has to be outside or at my house.
I think a skateboarding game, even with a T rating, could be OK. As Kate said, blood is one thing/violence is another. I agree with the others that it depends on the game.
Like you, my DH is more lenient with this stuff than I am. Fortunately, though, he will back me up. I think that's a matter of respect. If one of you feels strongly about something, the other needs to be respectful about that. An example here is that my boys are not allowed to have toy guns. We don't own real guns, they don't need toy guns, IMHO. However, my DH says he had toy guns as a kid, and he is about the least violent person you'll ever meet. He does not think the presence of toy guns will make our kids violent, despite any studies. He points out that they make weaponry out of anything they can get their hands on anyway, which is true. They've made guns out of Leggos, sticks, you name it. They also have those Star Wars light saber thingies, and Michael thinks those are weaponry, so why not let them have a toy gun? Oh, and they use their flourescent-colored water pistols to have fake shoot outs too. Michael says "Boys will be boys" and I shouldn't stop that if they're not doing anything detrimental. I guess we just disagree with what is detrimental. However, disagreement or not, he would never allow them to have a toy gun because he knows I'm opposed.
Michael will also allow them to watch a lot more TV and play a lot more video games than I will. So I get the label "mean" whereas Dad's a push-over. OK, call me mean, but there are certain rules I have and they're not about to change! Someday maybe they'll thank me, or their wives will thank me, LOL!
I'm glad you talked more to your DH and are working things out. Just wanted you to know you're not alone! Good luck!!