Older kids and the school bus...

Avatar for jennhauck
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Older kids and the school bus...
11
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 2:27pm

Hi Everyone! Ok, listen to this...

My daughter, who is in the third grade, has been asking me for a couple of weeks to pick her up from school, instead of making her ride the bus. I asked her why she wanted me to pick her up, and she would say that she just doesn't like to be on the bus that long.

Her school is only about 5 minutes away from where we live, but I don't drive her because there is not very adequate parking, and even if your child is considered a "walker" (walkers also fall in the catagory of kids that are picked up by their parents), I have park my car, walk down a huge hill, go inside the school, sign the list, wait for the office to call her name, then she will come to the lobby.

It's in the middle of winter, and I have to do all of this with a 2 year old on my hip and a 4 year old walking beside me. Since there are so many parents who pick their children up, there are cars driving all over the place, which makes me nervous because I have my little ones with me.

Last night, once again, she asked me to please pick her up from school. I told her that it was really hard for me with the little ones, then she started to cry. She admitted that it wasnt the time she had to spend on the bus that bothered her, it was the older kids on the bus that continuously talked about sex and explicit sexual activities, as well as swearing.

One older boy came up to my daughter and told her that if she wants to have a boyfriend someday, she will have to have sex with her boyfriend!

Now, needless to say, my daughter is not riding the bus anymore. I don't care if I have to do somersaults to her school, she will no longer ride the bus. I can't go to the school over this, because the older kids will get into trouble and of course, take it out on my daughter. UGH.

I don't know what gets into kids these days. My heart is just aching because of the lack of empathy in children anymore.

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Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 3:30pm

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 4:13pm
Wow, I could have almost written the same story! My DS (also in 3rd grade), has stated in the past that the older kids on the bus (6-8th graders) like to swear (and who knows say what else!). So far though, DS has not asked for me to pick him up as, I too, have younger ones (5 and 3)and would have to jump through a bunch of hoops to go get him at the school which is only 1/2 mile down the street. We had a long discussion of what is appropriate language and what is not, and I told him that if it got bad, I could pick him up. So far it's not an issue. I think the older they get the more "tuned out" they get to that language until they hit puberty. Our school district not too long ago sent out a survey for parents on the Character Counts program, and I made the comment that I would hope the older kids on the bus would have more respect and use appropriate language. We have had only one incidence with DS on the bus, and I called his school principal and the matter was taken care of right away. (It happened a year ago.). Next year though, DD will be in K next year, so I'm sure there will be new issues come up. But I definately know where your coming from and wish you all the best, I would pick my child up too in that situation-is there another family you trust you could carpool with to share some of the driving? Good Luck! Ann
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2005
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 4:37pm

That's horrible!



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 5:19pm

It's things like this that make me terrified to raise a child!!! (DD is only five months old, and thinking about school and boys and makeup SCARES me!!) In my younger, more narrow-minded days, I used to think people who homeschooled were weird, but that sounds more and more appealing each day. I know we can't shelter our kids forever but that's exactly what I want to do! I want so much to encourage DD to be independent, but I also want to tuck her under my wing and never let anything hurt her.

Why is it so hard?!?!?
LeeAnne
DD Maggie, 10/19/04

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Sat, 03-12-2005 - 4:20pm
OK, I'm going to jump in here, and most likely people will NOT like what I have to say. I feel bad for your daughter, and what she has endured, that being said, let me say this. Your NOT complaining to the school and demanding action is completely WRONG! So now your daughter is safe from this and this "older" child moves on to someone elses daughter??? I would not only be filing a complaint with the school, but the bus company and depending on the age of the older child, the police! My son is in middle school they bus the middle and high school students together in our town. Believe me when I tell you, the first time my child came home and told me something like this I would be on the phone with the school. I would be at the next board of ed meeting if that's what it took to get something done.
I understand you're wanting to get your daughter out of that situation, and I'm glad you can pick her up. Now, what about the next little girl?
Avatar for jennhauck
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Sat, 03-12-2005 - 4:36pm

Hey, guess what? You are exactly right. I want to protect my daughter from this kid and his group of friends though. I believe she will be deemed a "tattletale" and be picked on very badly if her "mommy runs to the school" and gets him into trouble.

Where do I go from here though. I mean, this kid needs to be confronted about this type of behavior, but sorry, my child is not going to suffer by being picked on in the long run.

Then there is the issue that if I go to the school, there will be a huge stink about how my daughter got this kid in trouble, my daughter ends up being picked on, and she hates me and won't trust me enough to tell me when problems arise in the future. Heck, it took me a couple of weeks of her telling me she just didn't want to sit on the bus for a long time, before she told me what was really going on.

Ok, so now, I am open for suggestions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Sat, 03-12-2005 - 5:28pm

First of all-big hugs to you! What a hard situation. My first grader rides the bus. Fortunately, their schools are divided up, so the oldest is only 6th grade, and no older kids ride with the bigger kids, but I've still had some issues with my DS.

Anyway-most schools are very diplomatic about this if you approach this in the right way. Perhaps you could speak to the bus driver first, to see if he/she has noticed this kind of talk at all. Regardless, talk to the principal or whoever handles these matters. Make it clear you do not want the kids to know "who" got them in trouble. Let them think an adult overheard them or whatever. If they are speaking in this manner to your DD, then they are talking about it to others as well. Next, when you are talking to the principal, make sure you let him/her know you don't want these kids in trouble, you just want to help them and make sure others are not having the same problem.

More than likely this is all you'll have to do. Obviously your DD won't have to deal with it any longer on the bus since you are picking her up, but now, if others complain, then there is an established pattern and something will be done. Most schools have a no-tolerance bullying policy, and this can be considered bullying or sexual harrassment. Of course, if you feel that nothing is happening at the school level, you might want to gently bring that to the authorities' attention. This is not something to take lightly. Yes, peer pressure starts early these days, but that doesn't mean you have to let it continue.

Anyway-big hugs to both of you, and I hope this issue gets resolved in a manner best for everyone involved! :)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
Sat, 03-12-2005 - 10:12pm
That sounds like a terrible situation to have to deal with.

Janessa Mom to 4 girls Samantha (10.7), Jordan, Regan<

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Sun, 03-13-2005 - 7:03am
Hi there! This is typical of the dilemmas we have to deal with as parents until they are all grown! I have had several incidents with the school bus also. If you child does not feel safe and comfortable at school, and this includes the moment they get on that school bus, then you have to notify the school and the bus company. You don't have to name names, in fact, you don't even have to give yours! With very little pressure, the bus drivers can adopt an assigned seats policy. Kids are supposed to stay in their seats, not walk around talking trash to the littler ones.
Last year, I put my girls on the bus and as it drove away I stood and waved...a boy in the back seat gave me the finger! He kept it up until the bus was out of sight. I walked in the house, picked up the phone and called the principal. He was waiting when the bus arrived, got on the bus, removed the boy and took him to his office. My DD's tell me this boy gets in trouble a lot, as did his older brother and his parent's basically don't care. However, this one time being taken off the bus in front of his peers made him behave on the bus from then on. He had to know it was me who called, unless he did it at every stop! And there was no feedback to my kids.
I have the same situation at our elementary school. There is no parking and no system for drop-off and pick-up. If there was, I would gladly drive my girls. I have been driving my son since 7th grade, the jr.-sr. high has plenty of room. I do this, because altho as the crow flies we are close to the school, being in a rural area the bus ride can be up to 40 minutes long. I prefer my son sleep an extra half hour in the mornings.
One thing that helps is to bond with the bus driver. Call her by name, speak to her daily, be friendly and remember her on holidays. In other words, kill her with kindness. A bus driver is a powerful ally.
Good luck to you...

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Sun, 03-13-2005 - 9:00pm
That is horrible that kids that age are talking about things like that.
I would as well take my child to school if that was going on. I think you did the right thing.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))))





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