OMG! Went over to the Stay@Home debate..

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
OMG! Went over to the Stay@Home debate..
31
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 2:03pm
I had this theory that I wanted to test out....see how the women responded. I'm going to post it here to see what you all think as well. As you can imagine, it was NOT well received. But, I must say, I've been in some heated discussions on this board and the women here are NOTHING like the ones that you come across on that board. Good god! What a scary bunch! And let me say, they sure have a lot of free time at work to post online! Ha ha!

Here's theory: Seriously, let me know if you think I'm nuts. It's just a thought.




So, I've been thinking about things lately...what's in the news, in magazines and books. Seems to be a connection here and if you will bear with me, maybe you'll agree, maybe you'll want to lynch me.

In the news:

1. America is FAT and getting FATTER, especially the kids.

What's to blame? Fast food and lack of exercise and too much tv.

2. Kids are misbehaving and out of control.

What's to blame? Lack of parental follow-through.

3. Teenagers smoking and having sex.

What's to blame? Lack of education.

4. Divorce rates constantly growing.

What's to blame? Couples "growing apart".

5. Stress is the #1 killer

What's to blame? Work, long commutes, kids and tv news

I guess you know where I am going with this, but if not, I can tell you what's to blame.

The lack of stay-at-home parenting.

Now hold on before you blow your top, let me explain.

1. FAT kids- hmmmmm...not too much of a leap here. Mom comes home harried from work. No time for making a healthy dinner! Let's get pizza. Or MacDonalds. Or Taco Bell. You get the point. Then the whole family eats (late, in front of the tv) and goes to bed. There was no time for exercise because kids were in latch-key (or just home alone snacking, like I did) and mom and dad spent the day working, picking up/dropping off and doing errands. If a parent is at home, there's a better chance that they will have the time to make a decent (i.e. healthy) meal. Also, there's less disposable income for meals out.

2. Out-of-control kids. Everyone knows a few of them, maybe more than a few. They don't listen to their parents, teachers or relatives. They yell "no", have tantrums, etc. Why? Working parents don't want to spend the 2-3 hours a day that they have with the child on discipline. Who would? So, instead of suffering any consequences, the child hears an endless series of "One...two...three..." without punishment. Yep. Disobedient kids needs discipline. It's hard work. Working parents don't want more work. They want nice nights at home with the family. At-home parents have the time and focus on the follow-through. Otherwise, the days alone with the kids would be hell without the structure.

3. Teenagers. This is the tough one. Even well-intentioned stay-at-home parents figure that once the kids are teens that it's time to "get their lives back" and start careers again. The kids have been raised right and they are old enough to stay home alone, right? Well, they are old enough to figure out how to sneak their boyfriends and girlfriends over, how to break into mom and dad's liquor cabinet, how to sneak smokes in the woods. Also, kids are going to break curfew and get into trouble. Who is going to be there to follow-through with the grounding of the child? Do you think that "no more phone", "no more tv" works when no one is there?

4. Divorce. No one should stay in an unhappy marriage. But why are all these marriages unhappy? Didn't you love each other enough at one time to get married and have kids? What happened? Well, even the working moms will agree with me on this point. Working moms end up doing EVERYTHING. You hear it all the time. They have to be the superwoman. They clean, they make and keep doc appts, shuttle the kids around everywhere. Do the laundry, grocery shopping, dusting. The resentment builds and builds. Then, one day it dawns on them. "I am doing this on my own anyway. Why don't I just have one less kid." Then, the husband's gone. Or, the husband had an affair (I was tempted to say husband OR wife has an affair, but you all know that it's the husband) because the wife never has energy for sex. Or has so much pent-up resentment that sleeping with her husband is the last thing on her mind at the end of the night.

Do stay-at-home parents have perfect marriages? Heck no! But I think that the initial involvement and committment to the family helps.

5. Stress. It's out of control, isn't it? All you hear: "Need more time, not enough hours in the day, 'How To Get the Most Out of Ten Minutes'". Working parents can't decompress and the kids feel it. The endless-motion-machine. The news tells you again and again how stressed you are.

This is what I posted (like a lunatic) on a debate board. Not one person even thought for a second that my theory could be possible. What do you all think?

Again, this is a theory, not a way of life or an accusation. Just some thoughts all came together one day and I thought, "well, maybe that's why...."

Thanks, Melissa

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 5:28pm
Well according to your "theory" dads can't be great, involved parents when they are out of the house for 40+ hours.

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