OT, but would you say something to...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
OT, but would you say something to...
5
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 2:04am
a friend about her current partner???

My best friend of wel I guess about 15 years now, has been seeing someone who lives across the counrty for 4 years now. She works for an airline and is able to re-schedule her life and go there every week or so, even if it's a day or so at a time. He has been here twice in the 4 years they have been together. He has never mentioned moving here, even though she has asked him if he would come here. He takes his family on her flight passes to their home country, etc. My friend is close with his mom & sister, so I don't think there is another woman. Anyways, tonight they came over to our house for dinner. This was the first time I have seen him in 2 years. The last time was our wedding. He was really off handish about everything. I asked him when he was moving here (in a joking sense) and he said he had no reason for moving here. What the hell??? Then he went on to say that although he couls easily transfer here through his company, and he prefers it here, he doesn't see any good reason. My girlfriend was sitting there next to him... looking horrified!!! But said nothing to him. Then I asked her about how they met, he said he didn't remember!!!! Again she looked horrified, but teased him and laughed it off. Then... he said he thought he wanted kids before (I know that is HIGH on girlfriends priority list) but know he doesn't think he needs them. My girlfriends said nothing, and again, looked horrified. Right after, he mentioned needing her flight passes for him and his family to go to thier home country for Christmas, and almost as an after thought, said, "oh, you should come too..."

My girlfriend has always been VERY VERY un-confrontational... she would never ever ever say when she is upset. It takes alot of prodding, and eventually, she will let go a few years of pent up anger. Should I say something to her??? I am very worried about her. She is not herself. And I knw she is hurt. I could see it in her eyes. He was rude to us, and my dog, and very cold to my dd and to my friend. I think he's scum. He seemed ok the last time I saw him, but he was soooooooo rude and disrespectful to her. I know when he leaves in a few days she will call me to ask my opinion as usual.

What do you think??? So it was so long!!!

Lesley

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 7:24am
Hi Lesley,

That's a tough situation but I would definately say something to her. Since you've been friends for so long I'm sure she values your opinion. Just ask her if she's happy since that's really what' important. Chances are she's not...and now's probably a good time to end things with this guy if he's not even willing to commit to moving closer. She's missing out on finding the right guy if she's commiting herself to this bum.

Hope it works out for her!

Gwen
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 8:47am

Nothing like being between a rock and a hard place.

   

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 10:05am

If you do - try to do it in the best "light" as possible. Sometimes these

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 6:43pm
IMO you should talk to your friend about her SO! She deserves respect and if he isn't giving it to her she needs to find herself a man that will! I'd be very gently about it seeing as she does love him, but she needs to hear the truth. But staying with someone who isn't willing to commit to her isn't healthy and she will end up hurt in the end.

JMO,

Shelby

SAHM to Haylei

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 9:10pm
thanks everyone.

I kind of felt I should say something to her.

He was just so blatently rude to her. I couldn't stand it. He asked about when me & dh met, and I said we saw eachother everyday for the first 9 months. Never missing a day. He said, "oh, so you knew it was love then?"

My girlfriend just looked at him, like " what the heck are you thinking?"

he is supposed to leave this Sunday, but changed his mind, and is now leaving on Saturday...go figure.

I hope she calls me the minute he's gone.

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