Play time

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Play time
8
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 3:15pm

I started a poll but that may have not been the best way to bring up the topic. I am a SAHM of 1 and 3 year old boys. The three year old in in a wonderful parent participation preschool and we go out a few times a week for playdates or little outtings.
I find (guilty enough) that much of my day is trying to settle them into something so that I can go do something else. They really won't play on their own. I've tried all sorts of things...
I'm wondering how much time most of you spend actually playing with your child(ren) during the day. Maybe I'm expecting too much, afterall I am home to be with them, but if I can't get anything else done or have a second to breath I'm really going to lose it!

(anyway, sorry to just jump in before introducing myself, but I was rally hoping to get some insight. Thanks!!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
In reply to: fclarke2003
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 5:18pm
Hi! I can tell you what my life is like with three kids and what I have had to do to cope. I have been struggling to fit all my work in for the day while shuffling my 6 yearold to school and my husband back and forth from school to work and back again. I have a different schedule every day it seems. But, what I have figured out is while I am home with my 2 year old and my one year old, I find a movie for them to have on and I put my one year old in a play pen with plenty of toys. Then I get one thing done, wether it is dishes or vacuuming. Then I play with them. Then if there is time I do one more thing. All the while I am sticking a load of laundry in, usually one a day or two if I am lucky. I make sure not to take on all my chores at once because I know it wont get done. So I have one major chore a day along with food prep and basic pick up. Now, all that said it is not a perfect thing. I have days where it is all messed up and I have days where everything is where it should be. So, it is not a perfect system but I am a much calmer person and my husband appreciates it. I also make sure I have 2 hours after lunch to rest. I put them both in their beds and if they dont sleep they still stay there. I know they are safe in their cribs. If they get really upset I get them out, but they are usually down and asleep for 2 hours. I make sure to do it about the same time every day. Then they are expecting it. When I put them down I either sleep or watch a chick flick on my DVD. It is very important that we have time to ourselves. Yes, our job is the house and the family but it is 24/7 and we must find time to spend doing our own thing. So, I encourage you to find a schedule that fits you. You can do it! Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
In reply to: fclarke2003
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 5:27pm

Here's my thing. I play with my kiddos, but I am not their playmate. I am not their friend, I am their mommy. I make an extra effort to bring fun and play into them learning, but I also let them fend for their own entertainment while mommy has some down time and gives her brain a break. I think kids really really need unstructured play with other children and/or by themselves. They need to use their imagination and move their little bodies. They also need to know how to entertain themselves and that

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2005
In reply to: fclarke2003
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 5:42pm
I agree which is why I could only say that I spent an hour or two with Walker playing.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: fclarke2003
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 6:55pm
Thanks for the replies,
I am also in school so I'm trying to carve out time in the day to do my readings and study at least a little. Housework always comes last and I constantly feel unsettled about it. Still, I know the responsibility is on me. There is a reason they think of me as a playmate.
My three year old has started announcing he has nothing to do (which drives me crazy) so we've sat down together and written cards with ideas of things to do. There is a pile to chose from when we're playing together and a pile to chose from when he's playing along. This works sometimes.
Hearing some honest answers about how other families work really helps. It seems when I ask anyone at preschool etc... they say that are one on one most of the day. Honestly, I don't think I'm built for that. I enjoy my boys, but I also tire of acting out the same plays with him or reading the same books etc...
I appreciate the thoughtful replies.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2002
In reply to: fclarke2003
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 8:09pm

I agree with Kate.....and Vanasa.....


I did not answer the poll post cause....it is never the same amount of time everyday....


Both of my younger

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2005
In reply to: fclarke2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 8:33am

I agree with Kate, Vanasa, and Rhonda. I have a 7 month old. When she was first born I thought that if I wasn't holding her, talking to her, or having some sort of interaction with her I was a horrible mother. Then I realized that she needs to learn to do things by herself. When she was 5 I wasn't going to be by her side every day.

I didnt answer because I don't count the hours that I play with her. But it's spread throughout the day. Like right now, she is playing with some toys on the floor. Today we will go to the library for songs and stories, but I don't count that as play. She will get to see and interact with other kids her age - also good for her. If we go to the store or run an errand, we will take some time to look at the toys and I'll talk to her while she's sitting in the cart. But when I take a load of laundry upstairs to hang, she's on her own with her toys. And when I make dinner, she's going to be in the swing or exersaucer. But this morning she sat on my lap and we played with one of her toys. And when DH gets home, they goof off before and after dinner.

Don't feel that you have to sit on the floor and play with your boys. They need to learn how to play together, and by themselves. But if you want to sit and play with them - go for it.

Christine

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
In reply to: fclarke2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 10:01am
In Sophia's first year I have to admit that I felt guilty when I wasn't with her allt he time and interacting on some level with her. However, I didn't do anything! I never cooked and waited until the weekend to do housework. Needless to say after her first year I was pretty worn out. Now she is two and it varies some days I play with her pretty much all morning and some days she does her own thing and I can get some stuff done. I have also learned that if I want to do something that it is best to make that activity inviting to her also.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
In reply to: fclarke2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 5:29pm

I agree with you 100%! My kids are older (almost 11 and 14 1/2) and this is how I feel also. I am the mommy, not the playmate or buddy. I taught my kids from early on to sit and entertain themselves so that I could get my work done. It fosters independence and self-confidence when a child can find something to entertain themselves. (I did and still do play with my kids, just when I have time and want to!)

When mine were small I would get them occupied and tell them "mommy has to go load the dishwasher now" or "I have to get a load of laundry started". And I went and did what I had to do.

If I was busy I would tell mine no when they asked me to play . I am an adult and I HAVE to do other things than play all day. They needed to know and understand that.

One thing you might try is letting them "help" you with your chores. Let them take clothes out of the dryer and put them in a basket. Let them throw towels into the washer for you. Let them attempt to fold washcloths. This involves them, and it teaches them to help around the house. Kids LOVE to help! Even if they just throw the dryer sheet into the dryer for you, it's something!

Just because you are a SAHM doesn't mean that you have to give up yourself and your needs. I had "me" time only because I insisted on it! I taught my kids very young that if I am in the bathroom and the door is closed "go away unless your butt is on fire!". If Mom is reading, play and leave her alone for a while. My son was clingy and I had to be sure and tell him where I was going in the house and what I would be doing. And then I had to check in with him, but he would play and let me do my thing. INSIST on time to get things done, even if you have to put them in a playpen, or use a baby gate to go into another room and work.

My kids are very independent now. They will get up on weekends and fix themselves breakfast and find something to do and let me sleep in if I can. I get to take nice long showers. My ds will sit for hours and build with his Legos and my dd will curl up with a book and read. But I have friends with kids the same age, who even now can't do ANYTHING without the kids bothering them!

I babysit full time now and I have this problem with the two girls I watch. They are sisters, one just turned 5 and the other is almost 4. They have been together every minute of their lives. They have never been taught to play alone, never been taught to think for themselves, etc. What one does, the other MUST do(especially the little one). If they are separated on weekends, someone occupies the other one constantly. On Monday the little one goes to pre-school and I have the 5 year old. I have to direct her ALL day in what to do. She comes in, sits down and stares at me and she wouldn't move all day if I didn't tell her to. ALL day long it's "S find SOMETHING to do!", "go play with the dollhouse", "get the coloring books out". She won't make ONE move all day without being told to. Tuesday through Thursday she goes to pre-school and I have the 4 year old. She constantly asks me to play with her. Play cards with her, put puzzles together with her, read to her, color with her, etc. I do play with her some and I read to her when I feel like it. But most of the time I tell her that I am busy(because I am. She will want me to read while I am feeding the baby or want me to color while I am doing dishes!) When I tell her no she will go on and find something to do for a while. On Fridays I have them both and it's a fight all day. They think they HAVE to play with each other. One wants to play one thing and the other doesn't so the one gives in. I tell them "be your own person. If you want to color, do it! You don't have to do what she is doing!". They have no idea how to just do their own thing and occupy themselves.

Anyway...get them occupied and then tell them what you will be doing. If they interrupt, put them back to their task and go back to yours. Each time they interrupt, put them back to their toys. Keep sending them back and sending them back and they will get the message. And if they do stay occupied, make sure you check in with them so they feel like you are still there and seeing them.

Good luck!

Sherri

Sherri ~ mom to Brooke and Tyler, wife to Randall and fan of Nascar's Carl Edwards