Please...I need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Please...I need advice
7
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 12:36pm

OK, a friend of mine asked me a couple weeks ago if I would be interested in starting up a home daycare with her out of her house. We have both been struggling financially and are SAHM's and it seemed like a great idea so I said yes. We jumped right into it, she put ads in the paper, online, etc, and as of today we have 3 babies fulltime and several parttime kids. Yesterday was my first day since up until now she's only had 1 of the fulltime babies, which she can handle on her own. Thursdays are when a lot of the parttime kids come over. I won't start going over everyday until next week, when the other fulltime babies start. Got that? LOL

Anyway, here's where it gets sticky...she lives close to an hour away from my house so I have I basically have a 2 hour commute everyday with my 2 small kids (there in the morning, back home at night). She wants me there around 8:00 and although her 3 older (preteen kids) get home by 3:30 and her husband at 2:30, she's acting like she wants me to stay until the last baby is picked up, which I don't really understand. Which means I don't get home until close to 7:00 and my dd is EXHAUSTED since she will not nap at her house and she's over there with me all day as well.

Another thing is that Carter is only 10 weeks old. I am still very protective of him since he was 5 weeks early, I'm very conscious of germs, I don't let him just sit there and cry, etc. She does not agree with this and has made very clear that the other children come first and our kids just need to cry (she has a 10 month old). Well I agree with this to an extent, if all the babies are screaming I am going to try to help as many as I can. However, I do not feel comfortable with just letting Carter sit there and cry while I tend to other babies all day. Yesterday I was so busy feeding, changing, burping and tending to the other babies that I forgot to change Carter's diaper all day.

Her older kids are very responsible and she asks them to help out constantly so something I'm thinking about asking is is she minds if I leave around 4:00 everyday (most of the kids are picked up right around 5, although a couple won't be picked up until 6). This gets me home at a reasonable hour and gives my dd time to re-group and interact with her dad some before going to bed. Working from 7-7 everyday is just overwhelming for me and the kids, dd was absolutely exhausted yesterday. As of now we're splitting everything 50/50 and I'm willing to give her kids some of the 1-2 hour's worth of income that they would be helping out after I left. There are basically 4 extra adults in the house after her husband and kids get home...is it too much to ask that they help out for the last hour so I can get home, get dinner, give dd a bath, etc? I mean, we're there in HER home all day, she can do her laundry, she can put her child down in her own bed, she can spend time with her husband, I can't. When the kids all leave, she can sit down to dinner with her family or whatever. I still have a 45 minute drive just to get home.

What do you think? Any suggestions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 2:36pm
Wow! That is a full day indeed! I think that if you explain the situation to her like you did here surely she would understand and cooperate. That really is too much for her to expect of you with 2 small children of your own. Good luck talking to her and let us know how it works out!
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 2:42pm
Yes! I would definately say something about leaving earlier. Is this something you realy want to do, or are you doing it for her? I know it's great to have extra money when you're a SAHM, but when you'e traveling to someone else's house to take care of more kids, it sounds stressful. PLUS you have a 10 week old, thats stress enough! :) Just be honest with her and tell her how you feel, I'm sure she will understand, and if she doesn't, then maybe you can find something else to do to earn some extra income.
kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 3:53pm
I agree you have to do something. That is no way to live and there are other things you can do to earn money. I have a 2 and a half and a 11 mos old. There is no way I could do what you are doing. God Luck!! Keep us posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 8:51pm

I am throwing in my 2 cents again..I hope ya'll don't mind...please tell me if you do.

May I ask why didn't ya'll decide to do the day care out of YOUR house???

I frankly think that your first priorty should be YOUR child..not anyone elses. It isn't fair to your kids to suffer. And I am sure you will agree. I think you need to talk to your friend...and express how it is ALL on you. She has it easy...she don't have to travel...and has the comfort of her house. If she don't understand.....then my suggestion is to give her a few weeks notice...for her to get someone else to help... and you quit... or start a day care up in YOUR home with whatever kids you can handle. If you see you are going to be able to handle it from your home..then maybe get someone else to come in and help and recruit new kids.

I wish you luck! It sounds like a bad situation. You don't want your kids to suffer but you are good friends with this person and has agreed on the daycare thing. But that necessarly didn't mean that you agreed on EVERYTHING that you have to do.

Are you coming out ahead money wise by the time you drive and pay for gas, insurance, wear and tear on your car?? Plus having to pay your OWN taxes??? Be sure to think about that also! :) Also, your friend is going to be able to take MORE stuff off of her taxes because it is run from her home..... Do you feel that is fair?? When you are having to drive???

Hugs,
Christy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 9:51pm

I agree with Christy! It sounds as if you are getting the worst of this bargian.


If it were me I would tell her that after much consideration that you feel that you jumped into this way to soon. As her friend you would not want your feelings of resentment to be hanging over you and you feel you need to end this "partnership".


I used to care for children in my home. I made sure that if I had a baby of my own that the children I watched were a few years older and out of diapers. With a new baby yourself it can get a little overwhelming caring for other people's babies. It would probably make you more money in the end if you did this out of your own home anyway.


Image hosting by Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 10:23pm

Thanks for the advice again ladies...the reason we didn't do it out of my home was because I wasn't too fond of the idea in the first place. She told me she was thinking of starting up a daycare and I think I even made the comment "oh, I could never do that"...we kept comiserating about our financial situation together and she asked me one day if I wanted to start a daycare WITH her out of her home...sounded fair enough...get to work with a friend...relaxed atmosphere, make some extra money, etc. She offered to do it out of her home from the get go, it was never talked about. She's done this in the past and there are no daycares in her area, literally. I live in a bigger area and the competition is worse around where I live anyway.

I figure I'll give it a couple months and see how it goes...at least it'll help us out for awhile (although I just figured out today that we're only making $4/hour...FOUR BUCKS!!!!) but I don't have a college degree so any other job would probably equal the same amount after taxes, daycare, etc. And at least I do get to be the one with my kids. Also, tonight I talked with my sister and she really encouraged me to go back to nursing school and I'm really thinking about it. I don't want to do home daycare for the next 10 years, especially not making $4/hour!!

Thanks again!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 8:55pm

Thanks! I don't post much since I am not an officially SAHM to a kid...... Though I am to a doggy...LOL! I will try to post more.

Also, to the one who started the post (sorry I forgot your name) :( Yeah I think going back to nursing school is a great ideal....... :) ONLY 4$??? WOW! Maybe you should kinda advertise "you" watching kids in your home and just see how many will sign up to allow you to do it. You could adverise maybe something like : Thinking of starting a daycare...How many people would be inetersted in allowing me to watch your kids... LOL something like that..a bit more professional though. Also, have you thought about maybe working in a daycare where you live??? You could still take your kids with you....but not have as far to drive.

Hugs,
Christy