a point about comparisons...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2005
a point about comparisons...
1
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 9:06am
I don't think there is any difference between the parents who compare potting training age, etc. and those who push their older kids too hard in other competitions. In both cases, the parents see their kid's success as their own, and more importantly, that puts unfair pressure on the kids.
I had 4 toddlers (b/w 2 & 3) in my house yesterday to celebrate my baby's 2nd birthday, and I noticed that the Moms, maybe because they were not well aquainted with each other, seemed more likely to make self-conscious remarks about all sorts of things, from differences among the babies to differences in party-throwing and house-keeping. There was no question that the atmosphere among the Moms was competitive. It made me realise that by becoming a SAHM, I have entered a whole new arena. Fortunately, I have a lot of things going on in my life beyond being a Mom and house-keeper, so I try not to tie my sense of accomplishment too tightly to Kait.
All of that to say that I think women who compare their babies to others are doing themselves and their children no favours. I believe that I will be a better Mom IF I can separate my sense of personal accomplishment from my kids, and let them be who they are. I remember, as an older child, feeling pressured to do well (in school, in sports, etc) to make my parents feel good. I don't want to do that to Kait. I'd rather she succeed or fail FOR HERSELF. Of course I will be proud of HER when she succeeds, but not proud of ME. I also remember feeling as though my parents were taking credit for my accompishments. That didn't bother me at the time, but looking back as a Mom myself, I know that it robbed me of some of the personal pride I should have felt.
That was good for me to write: helped me sort out my feelings about comparing and parental pressure. I hope it will help you too, brown eyedmom!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Sat, 03-05-2005 - 12:05am

I agree.


I think I hear it most in the company of people I do not know. I try not to involve myself in these situations but sometimes it is tough.


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