Putting your DH first

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Putting your DH first
7
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 2:30pm
Hi all,

The advice I've gotten as a new mom is to "put your husband before your children", or "your husband comes first". I've heard it over and over again. It's so easy to become consumed by my little one, I don't want my DH to feel neglected. What are you doing to put your hubby first? Thanks.

~Adrienne, mom to Aidan, 4mos, 2mos adj. (preemie)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 2:51pm
Adrienne,

I have never heard that advice before, but I have heard that you must take care of yourself and spend time with your DH without the baby. It is much easier said than done, especially for me, but I do little things for my DH to let him know I haven't forgotten about him. For example, my DH loves certain snack foods, so I make sure to have them in the house and when he's in the mood, I break them out. My DH loves baths (shhh!), so I buy him "special" bath salts. Pick up a video that DH has been wanting to see, cook him his favorite meal or leave him a post-it where he'll find it that reads "you are the best hubby and most wonderful daddy!" He will appreciate all the little things you do because they will mean a whole lot.

Elyssa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 1:06am

I have heard that advice as well. I don't know why but it never sat well with me. I guess maybe because when I heard it, it sounded kind of step-ford wifeish to me.


But, My Dh is well loved, and he works extremely hard at a very physicaly demanding job. My Dh is wonderful and plays with his kids everynight, he is also in charge of giving the little one his bath and reading to our oldest to have some quality one on one time with them. So there is no way I could ever complain about my Dh.


I also do little things for him, that seem to really make him happy. I try to put out a fresh towel and his pj's in the bathroom. We all have breakfast together and I like to make him special things like stratta's and homeade waffles( this is fufiling to me as well since I like to cook). I also put special things in his luch like love notes and the kids sometimes put a little homeade card.


Well now I'm starting to sound step-ford wifeish to myself...lol. But i also try to have the house cleaned and not let him do to much around the house. If he worked at a less demanding job and less hours, i would probably ask him to do more, but there has been times when my poor dh, has actually fallen asleep untying his shoes!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 9:30am
I have been able to do both and I think that your husband, you and your children all should come first if it is possible.
Each needs its own time and love.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 8:29am
Hi, I'm new here and wanted to chime in on this one. Being a new mom I understand how hard it is to make DH feel as "loved" as he was before. My DH, however, does not believe that he (or I for that matter) should come "first." We both put our son above ourselves and our family (family now equalling me, DH and DS) above everyone else. Still, we make a point every week to spend time alone together. My parents live across the street so we have "built in" babysitters. lol. At least once a week, since bringing DS home from the hospital, we have someone watch him (usually my parents) and we go out or just spend time alone together at home.

I'm still working now, but not for long, so when we come home from work we BOTH take care of DS together. Give him his bath together, take turns feeding him, put him to bed together, etc. I think this helps DH a lot in #1 spending time as a family and #2 making him feel a part of caring for DS. Before going back to work, DH helped out somewhat, but now that he is more in a routine with both me and DS, he feels much more apart of the "family." Quality time with DH does not always have to involve no children being around. Get DH involved in caring for your baby with you if he's not already. This has done wonders for our relationship with eachother and with DS.

HTH

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 10:22am

I don't think you can put your dh first, but what I've found is it's important not to forget you have a dh.

Melissa

Change takes CHANGE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 10:20am
I have to agree with the statement that you have to make time for *yourself* as well as making time for your DH. It can prove to be very difficult to do both, and sometimes it seems like a struggle to keep everyone's needs in line. We have a family of 8 here, and at times I feel completely overwhelmed that I want to bury my head in a hole and forget all about who needs underwear washed, and if my DH has socks sorted in his drawer, and *oh no!* we don't have any snacks in the house that my DC will eat. Right this minute I have literally 6 baskets of clean clothes to fold, and I'm trying to work up the desire to actully break them out and have the older DC help me fold! Granted, we're catching up the laundry from a week of camping, but I'd rather run into my room and read rather than fold laundry right now! Can adults throw tantrums?? lol My advice: make time for your marriage, your DH's needs (even if you don't feel like it) and try to squeeze in some time for yourself.

Carson - SAHM to six

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 3:33pm
My husband has a big sweet tooth so I try to make him some kind of sweet treat every once and a while. He loves it and takes the rest to work, so we don't end up eating it all by ourselves! My favorites to make him: hersey kiss cookies and sweet chex mix.
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