questions for other SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2006
questions for other SAHM
15
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 10:53am

Hello Ladies,
I have posted a few times but mostly I just read all the posts, so I decided I would get over my shyness and post. I have a question, while at a dinner with my family this weekend my DH and the other men at the table where trying to say that eventhough I am a SAHM I do alot of things but none of them are hard? I have a 17 month old son, 3 cats, a dog, and a DH I do everything for, also in 2 weeks I am going back to school full time. I guess my questions is how can I let them know even my DH that I do alot and deserve some reconigtion (sorry sp wrong).He admits he could never take care of my son like I do because he has no patience, but everything is easy. Any advice I would greatly appreciate. Thank you again.

Brooke
DS Cambre 03/02/05

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 11:02am

Oooooh, this is a big issue for a lot of women I think.

I get a lot of respect from my husband for staying home - he wants me to stay home but that hasn't always been the case.

I am a no nonsense confrontation mouthy person most of the time - respectful but I say what I mean and don't mess aroudn so here is my two cents... if it helps great!

Personally, if he thinks what you do isn't hard them LET HIM DO IT. Leave him to it for an entire day (if that's possible - nursing or work sensitive of course). Leave him with a list of things that you would have done if you were home and show him where the food, diapers and cleaning supplies are (you laugh but some men.... lol) and leave him to it.

No one task is hard. Playing with my 2 year old isn't hard. Nursing my 7 mos old isn't hard. Washing dishes isn't hard. Laundry isn't hard.

But you pack all that and a playdate, three cooked meals, 15 diapers, 4 changes of clothing, paying bills, answering the phone, getting nap time, story time, and of course one mishap/emergency/disaster each day... well... good luck having an ounce of energy at the end of the day for anything....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 11:02am

What a bunch of butt heads! I'm sorry they said those things to you, and probably hurt your feelings. My advice is after screaming at him for about a 1/2 hour, leave him with the baby and animals for 12 hours, and then make him do some of your homework from school! Or you can quit doing things around the house, and quit taking care of dh, tell him if its so easy he can do it. LOL Or you could sit him down for a serious talk, about how your feelings were hurt, your job is VERY hard, and so very important, and he said he couldn't care for your son like you do, so wth? I've never really had to deal with this kind of thing, so I don't know if my advice will work. Good luck.

Chrissy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2006
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 11:14am

I'd like to refer you to this thread:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-ppsahm/?msg=146749.1

Also: remind him that being the mechanic of an airplane might not be as difficult or prestigous as flying the airplane...but without the mechanic, the pilot is f*cked.







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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2006
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 11:19am
Thanks for the advice. I have never left my husband with my son for a long period of time except for when I was in school and my son was younger and I always had things done for him(dinner and chores) so he has never done my whole job. I was the one who decided to stay home because I was an asst director at a dc and I just couldn't put him in one, also I only worked partime and it was not worth the money. Now he realizes it was a good decision but I sometimes feel bad because he goes to work everyday and has a lawn care buisness. I love being SAHM and I feel like this is what I am suppose to do and are greatful for it everyday. But for this reason I never leave my son with him and I suppose I should. Thanks again.
Brooke
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 11:31am

roflmao!!! The BEST advice and way to approach the situation I have ever heard Melanie! lol


Traci

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2006
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 12:00pm
hehe glad I could make you laugh :)






iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2006
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 12:18pm

Hi


I had the same thing happen except it was from the gentleman ( I use the word loosely) who is dealing with our refinancing of the house.

~*~*~*~ Jen ~*~*~*~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2003
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 12:44pm
DH made noise about this once, so I mapped out my whole day, from the time I got up, I recorded what I did and when - from changing a diaper to making lunch, I wrote down what I did and what time I did it.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 10:02am

Sounds like everyone gave you some great advice...

Hopefully he'll get a clue and back off

(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 10:40pm

another thing you could do (but this would add more work to your hectic day!) is take a photo diary of everything you do. EVERYTHING. just like, wear the camera. if you feel like he won't get the picture from being home himself. b/c the thing about leaving your DH home w/ baby all day is, they never get as much done as we do when they are home. at least mine wouldn't even attempt to clean everything up (granted the house isn't always spotless on my dime either but i try) and take care of the baby and run out to do errands and plan and cook dinner, and catch up w/ some people on the phone, do some freelance work on the computer... all while having the baby! when he watches Sam, he just watches Sam until i get back. unless he naps then he will do something maybe.


that is why its good to write it down or take pictures! but definitely leave him for a day to get a break anyway! :)


You are doing an awesome job even if they don't get it.


 

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