Really Need Advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Really Need Advice!
8
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 6:04pm
I do not have kids yet..Though we are TTC and have been trying since March 2004. Anyway..I plan to be SAHM when I have a baby......I am currently staying home right now..Just for the heck of it. Anyway...I have been offered this government job in a half way house...a place for druggies and alcholics..and a place for people who suffer from depression and things like that.....anyway.....I could really use to extra money right now.....Though DH makes plenty..But it would be a nice to have extra for myself. Anyway I will continue to try to get pregnant...But I am not sure if I should take the job. Would it be okay to take the job, knowing that I may not be there that long, though it could take a long time to conceive? Or should I just pass the job up...and patiently wait to get pregnant?? The place is a great place to work....I can only work 40 hrs a week there...but they work 12 hr shifts. Plus its not like I have to do anything hard. Ya just have to keep an eye on the residents and do paperwork...and thats it. They make the druggies and alcoholics do the cleaning.... and I don't have to really interact with them. Just talk to them occassionally when they talk to me...and make sure they follow the rules. Please give me advice. DH isnt too much help..he just tells me its up to me.

Christy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 8:51pm
I am a SAHM of three boys, conceived after much trial and tribulations due to PCOS. I know how easy it is for getting pregnant to become THE focus in your life, and how incredibly stressful allowing it do so can be for both you, and for your spouse. Doing everything humanly possible to conceive still leaves a lot of hours in the day to just sit and think about it, and think about it, and think about it... Pretty soon, you lose sight of you, and of your husband, of the world around you--of everything really except your lack of being pregnant. Stress reduces the chances of conceiving, so this is a double problem...

I would suggest that you take the job if it's something that you would enjoy (not just for the money) and not create a huge amount of stress in your life that could be counterproductive to trying to get pregnant. BEST scenario, if you get pregnant quickly, you apologize, give them however many months notice you feel comfortable with so they can find someone else, and then you go home--it may be slightly inconvenient for them, but most employers understand that the people they hire have lives outside of work. You could work for part of your pregnancy and use the extra cash to buy all those cute little baby things that cost so darn much. LESS wonderful scenario, it takes you a longer time and more effort than you would like to become pregnant, but you have something to help you to disassociate from that part of your life for a while each day--you will need to, I promise. Also, the extra money will still be very very helpful, because the farther you go into that strange blue drape covered land of fertility treatment, the more you'll discover how little your insurance company is truly fond of you. WORST scenario, if you are unable to become pregnant in the end, you have something that you have been working at that is a comforting and familiar routine, to help you remember that you had a life before you started trying to become pregnant, you are still a valid and useful person, and no matter where this journey takes you--adoption, surrogacy, etc--, you will still be able to function and have a good life.

Just my two cents worth, I hope it helps----

Angela

~~mommy to Wil, Wes, and Wade :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 4:41pm
Isn't that just like a man! I think it sounds like you want to take this job at this time. Do you have the option to quit once you become pregnant or after you have a baby? You never know, maybe your thought will change. I wasn't planning on being an AHM until after my son was born...now I can't wait to quit in a couple of months! Just my thoughts! Good luck!
tamie75
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 10:51pm
Hi,

I'm Melissa. I have 2 children (1 and 4). I became a sahm after my daughter was born and have been taking classes here and there whenever possible to become an R.N. since then. I worked full time up until a few days before I had my daughter. I think I had a much easier pregnancy while working. It kept me busy and I didn't sit around the house and pick at snacks all day lol. With my son, however, I was already home with my daughter and I was absolutely enormous! Maybe working had nothing to do with it but I felt more aches and pains earlier on in my second pregnancy. Maybe that was because I could sit and think about it more. I say take the job. You don't know when you'll get pregnant and the cash is always nice. If you plan on being a stay at home mom you may want to get in a nice job and make some friends before hand. I loved being pregnant at work, lots of attention and people to enjoy it with you. Good luck on your decision.

Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 11:44pm

Hi Christy,


I am going to cautiously post my advice. But this is just my opinion. Please don't be offended. I truly mean the best of intentions.


The place your talking about working, sounds very challenging. These sound like people that need someone's whole heart and mind. Alcoholics and people with drug addictions are usually people who need a lot of compassion and someone with staying power. I am sure that just interacting with them when needed will be a challenge since you would have to word anything you would say to them very carefully. My understanding of depression, especially people living in a half way house would be people that are easily influenced just by a slight twist of words. These people sound like they are very emotionally vulnerable. I imagine for employers of these type of places it is probably not easy to keep employees, and I am sure turnover is probably pretty high. I am not sure I would want someone who could not make a full commitment to this type of job.


Do you think maybe you are looking for something that will completely take your mind off of the emotional draining of trying to conceive? Maybe what you are looking for is something to just take your mind off of thinking about ttc all the time, if that is what is happening. I can't pretend I know what your are going through, but I am a compassionate person and can empathize with you. I am sure there are jobs out there for someone who is looking , but that would not affect the people and employers in a emotional or harmful way.


I wish the best for you and hope you and your DH achieve your hearts desire!!! Children are such a blessing, and It would be so great to get to hear of your success story!!!


Respectfully


Traci

Are you a M.O.M-Mom of Many? Find other M.O.M's

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2004
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 11:38am
Hi! I might have an answer to your problem. If you really want to stay at home, and you would like to make extra money, why not just work from home? This way, if you get pregnant, you don't have to worry about taking any maternity leave, and if you don't get pregnant right away, you can still be doing something with your time and making money. Then, when you do have a child, you can stay at home with him or her and still be receiving an income! You can make your own hours too-which is always a good thing!

I am a stay at home mom who has recently started working from home. I didn't think it would be possible, but it is, and I really enjoy the flexibility! I have been working with a great team and I have a home business that anyone can do. My company provides free information, in-depth training, no selling, no inventory, and there are no home parties!!!

If you would like, please contact me to find out more. I'd be happy to help you get started!

I do it...you can too!!!

Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2003
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 2:30pm

I say, TAKE THE JOB!.

   

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 2:55pm
Thanks Everyone! I am happy for your feedback. Yall brought new things to my attention. I basically just wanted to work....just for extra money. DH makes GOOD money where he works...But it wouldn't hurt to have extra money. We plan to get a new place..but we are having to wait till we get our truck paid off..But by then I will need a new car and will have to post pone getting a new place..so thats why I wanted to work. That way I can get my car....and then have it paid for...and get the new place quicker. I am still open to opnions. So please feel free to lay it out there...:)

Christy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 5:50pm
If you decide to take the job, let them know your situation and that if you become pregnant, that you wont be there long....
Go from there and decide what you want to do.
good luck on becoming pregnant.

Lilypie Baby Days

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