Really need your imput, PLEASE!! ,m

Avatar for my3girls2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Really need your imput, PLEASE!! ,m
5
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 10:18am

ok, here is my situation short version,,, my dh and I have been married for 10 years, we get along, and have NEVER lied to each other ever before!! We have a great house, a great marriage and 3 great girls!!! The other day he had to go out of town for a school for his work,, he went with 2 other huys,, it was a give in that he would go out that night to have a few drinks!!!!

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Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 10:23am
I really dont have any advice on this and really can't tell you his reasons on why, only he can do that.
But I know how you feel, to be lied to by your husband is hurtful, no matter how many times it has been done or about what.
If you have time, sit down and dicuss it a little more then what you have so far.
Good luck and hugs :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 12:25pm

So sorry your feeling hurt Kim.


If it was me in your situation, I would sit DH down for a long talk.


I know If it were me I would tell my Dh that because he lied it kind of makes me suspicious. Just curious but are you suspicious of something? Do either of you go out for "girls or "boys" nights out, if it is not something you both ever do, maybe the lie just made it ten times worse for you than it actually would be.


Maybe if this is something he rarely does, he could have just got caught up in talking and paling around with other guys. Maybe he feels guilty because he had fun, and you were at home. No one can ever truly know what was in someone else's mind, but tell him how very hurt you were by his lying.


Sorry I don't have anything better than that. Maybe someone is a BTDT on here and can help.


(((((((((((KIM)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

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Registered: 01-08-2004
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 12:01am
It sounds like alot of what dh and I go through. We usually tell each other everything, but sometimes we don't feel like playing 20 questions. We've learned to say "I wanted some alone time and I just don't feel like sharing right now. Maybe we'll talk later." As for the lying, dh used to do that alot too. "Well, gee I thought you'd be upset or jealous that we shared a table with some girls last night." (all his friends are single.) It took a long time of me saying "Yeah, I probably would have been a little jealous or maybe even upset. But now I'm just pissed that you lied." Eventually he got the point. He's a little thick headed, so it took many months, but he eventually learned.

If I was in your shoes, I would pick a time when its quiet and you are both calm. I'd say something like "I don't care what you did the other night. I asked because we usually tell each other everything. I'm sorry if I seemed like I was nagging or being nosy. I wish you didn't feel the need to lie. We've never lied to each other and shouldn't start now." I wouldn't say anything else about it, unless he wants to talk.

Avatar for my3girls2001
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 7:42am
thanks,,I think he is sorry but I can't seem to get over it, I think all the time about him lieing to me,, it is terrible, I don't think he really gets how I feel but he did say it would never happen again,, I hope not,, today is his birthday so I better just leave it alone today,, thanks for your great advice,, thanks to all of you,,
Kim~
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Registered: 01-08-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 12:53am
If I was in your shoes, I'd probably want to give him a good swift kick in the butt for his bday present! Of course, I'd also ignore that urge and keep smiling, so his day is happy. At least you two have started to resolve it. That's what really matters.