Regressing daughter

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Regressing daughter
2
Fri, 04-04-2003 - 4:18pm
Hi Girls,

I'm new here, hope you could give me some advice.

About a week ago I went to wake my 11yo daughter and found her asleep with a pink paci in her mouth!!! Didn't say anything but checked out her room later and found a drawer full of them - 38 pacis and 5 baby bottles.

Asked her about it and she got angry about her lack of privacy and said from now on she was going to wear a diaper. So, for the past week when she's at home she always has a paci in her mouth, wears a diaper and drinks out of one of her baby bottles at mealtimes.

The only explanation I can get from her is, "I like sucking them, and besides, you do it all the time." OK, from time to time I put Robbie's (22 months) paci in my mouth because it's the obvious place to put it when my hands are full.

A couple of days ago she went out into the street wearing her diaper, paci in mouth and greeted my neighbor Sue, who's expression was undescribable.

Any of you ever come across anything like this? Any advice on how to proceed? Thought about counselling, but I know she'll just say "Mom does it all the time so it's OK."

Hope you can help.

Love Sal

Avatar for mommyniece
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-04-2003 - 6:52pm
I am going to be honest here. I posted below.....YOU NEED to get her help. Her telling the dr "my mom does it" shouldnt be an issue here unless YOU really suck it walking around the house! IF my child EVER did this I am sorry BUT they would NOT be allowed out! He would be in his room where a baby should be and at the dr for help! IT IS NOT NORMAL for an 11 yr old to do this! I am only saying this to help! NO ONE here is going to say "oh gee my dd did it and she will be fine!" She has issues that need to be worked out! YOU are the MOM not her. YOU tell her how it is going to be! YOU DONT allow those things in the house! HOW did she get diapers that big? How did she get the pacifiers? how did she get the bottles? MAYBE you need to lock the younger childs stuff away. She may be crying out for help! I DONT KNOW but you letting her do this IS NOT HELPING!

HUGS

denise

Avatar for frogacc
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 04-04-2003 - 9:14pm
Wow, it sounds like you are truly having a difficult time. I can't say that I've had personal experience with this because my son is only 6mo old. But from my standpoint, maybe she is craving attention? She is probably feeling overwhelmed by your 22 mo old and is having trouble letting go of "being the baby". Of course, she's had almost two years to get adjusted to her new sibling, but that doesn't mean that she isn't harboring feelings of "neglect" (not saying you are neglecting her but in her eyes she might see it as such). I do agree that she needs some help, be it the counselor at her school, a family member (trusted aunt or grandma), or maybe even a psychiatrist. I also agree that I would not put up with it; which is easy to say in my situation. I know that when I was younger (13 I believe) I did a lot of things to get attention from my parents. They were not the healthiest choices, but it got me (partially) what I wanted - for them to pay more attention to me than my older sister, who always got her way because she was smarter, prettier, and more well behaved (in my eyes at least). Puberty is a very hard time for young girls, and going through that as well as having to deal with a sibling who is "favored" and doted upon is difficult. Has she gone through something stressful lately (moving to a new house, a divorce, lost a family member or pet)? This might be causing her to act out and regress towards what she thinks is innocent and comfortable as well. One tip: an easy way I've carried my son's pacifier when my hands are full is to hook it onto my pinky finger like a ring, with the tip facing towards my palm, in case my hand brushes against anything it doesn't get dirty. Hang in there!!!

Amanda