Resenting DH?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Resenting DH?
3
Sun, 05-29-2005 - 12:46am

Hi all,
I am new here and have been at home with my 8 month old DD since she was born. It seems that DH and I are falling in to the trap of resenting each other, each feeling that we are doing all of the work. I have had some PPD so that is part of it, but I can't believe how unhappy I have been for the past few months. I feel totally incompetent as a SAHM and am just sure that I am doing everything wrong. I am tired all the time, can barely manage to get the most basic of errands and housekeeping done. Forget about cooking dinner. I'm lucky if I get a shower each day. My baby has been a little challenging, I think, so that's probably part of it. She has also been a slow grower and developer. I just feel like I can't get it together and like I should be doing so much more for my daughter. Any suggestions?

Thanks so much in advance,

Leslie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: mslp36
Sun, 05-29-2005 - 8:25am

Leslie, Hi I'm Angela, SAHM to 3 kids, Kelsey age 11, Corey age 9 and Lindsay age 5. Welcome to the this board.. Its been a long while since i've been here.

I haven't dealt w/ PPD. After becoming becoming a SAHM(after several years)we needed to relocate(dh job) to Southern IN(about 6.5hrs away from all family and friends). I think I was heading to being depressed--I had nobody to talk to except dh and kids and I felt trapped inside my house. I was alway always very tired and had absolutely no energy. I didn't cook very much, or clean for that matter(i did what i had to) THen my oldest dd signed up for Girl Scouts and the leader was going to resign and she told me if I don't step up there would be no troop. I braved it--and it changed me for the better--i met people(not a whole lot but some) and i got out..From then on, I signed my youngest up for storytime at the library, started going on outings, just her and I, to the park etc..... I started scheduling my days, everyday. A lot of the stuff didn't cost anything and even if we went to the library for 15min--that helped out a lot..Finally this year I joined Curves and I really like it--it has given me MORE energy and I'm slowly losing weight. We've made friends, my youngest dds best friend, so me and her mom often use each other for babysitters. that has helped a lot.. I had often thought of going back to work because I thought it would make it better--but i think it was just my outlook on life that I needed to change. It helped.

I suggest that you plan your days(you don't have to go out everyday) even your cleaning etc... I always cleaned first thing in the morning for 2-3hrs, had lunch from 12- 1pm then took it easy and picked up if necessary till 3pm when the kids were home.
Also, some places have Mommys Day Out(ours was every Friday for 3hrs) for a small cost, but that would be good for both you and your dd.. My dh is my best friend and when I was going thru my tough time(which was almost a year) he told me later that he kinda felt cheated when I wasn't doing the housework...I'm not saying that thats how your dh feels but, he could. I think if you get motivated to change and start doing stuff YOU will feel better and then it will make it better for the two of you and your dd. I wish you well, and I hope things get better... hang in there.

angela

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
In reply to: mslp36
Sun, 05-29-2005 - 12:29pm
Hi and welcome to the board. My name is Mel. I have been a sahm for 4 years to Andrew (6) and Dalto (17 months)
I dealt with PPD with Andrew and Dalton. With Andrew, I was not aware of this and that some people go through it. I was fine, thank goodness. With Dalton, I was aware of what I was going through and it was hard. I was alone, my husband was gone 4 weeks at a time and only home 3 weeks. It was hard, because I had Dalton alone, while he was gone.
I do suggest you talk to other people who go through what you do each day. It helps a lot. Join a moms group in your area. IVillage has some boards for cities in the US, try looking there.
I wish you luck and I must say that it does get better with time. Just don't try and do it alone.
(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mslp36
Sun, 05-29-2005 - 2:27pm
I just wanted to add to Mels post. I found some playgroup by putting my zip code into matchingmoms.com.
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