Is this rude??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2012
Is this rude??
Fri, 10-19-2012 - 10:36pm

Hi Ladies!

This has been bothering me for a while now and I just needed to see what other women thought. I have a friend whos kids are always texting and asking if they can spend the night at my house or if they can come over and play. Does anyone else find this Rude??? I was always taught to wait to be asked not be the one doing the asking.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2001
Fri, 10-26-2012 - 1:32pm
We struggle with this also. For the most part I feel if my kids are doing the calling, we are inviting the person to our house. Our area is pretty rural so most of the time we have to drive the kids so there isn't an issue with them just dropping in. We do have a kid who lives within biking distance and they just call each other up to play and decide from there whose house they are going to that day and I'm fine with that. I would never let my kids ask if they could sleep over at someone elses house and I would consider it rude if someone else did that. Our other big issue is kids will invite the boys over and I have to explain that we need to talk to the parents to make sure it is OK and no we can not call to ask the parent, they need to tell their friends to have their parent call us if they want to invite them over.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2000
Mon, 10-22-2012 - 11:33am

I used to think it was rude, but now I don't really care.  DS is 8, and just this morning he called his friend (also his cousin) to see if he could come over.  His cousin has been at our house for the past few weekends, and DS thought it might be fun to go over there for a change.  I would prefer if he wait until he's invited, but I also understand that when you're really good friends with someone it isn't out of the ordinary to call them up to see if it's OK if you stop by.  Now, if they just suddenly showed up unannounced, I would definitely lump that in the rude category.  I take it as a compliment that kids like to come to my house.  As long as they're well behaved when they're here and we don't have anything else going on, I won't deny a request like this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2012
Sat, 10-20-2012 - 6:31pm
Thanks ladies. I dont know why I let this bother me so bad but my kids know not to ask to go to a friends with out being invited. Good to know other feel the same way and im not going crazy ;)
Community Leader
Registered: 05-04-2011
Sat, 10-20-2012 - 5:43pm

I agree that it's rather rude.  I was always raised that you wait to be invited -- it's one thing to say, "Hey, would you like to get together and play?" or "Hey, let's have a sleepover!" and quite another to suggest it be done in someone else's space.

That said, I don't usually mind if people drop by (our kids are too young for it to be an issue with their friends).  We always have family stopping by unannounced or phoning to say, "I want to get out for a bit, can I come over?"  Like the pp said, it's okay with some certain people.  You just don't do it with everyone, you know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2012
Sat, 10-20-2012 - 5:20pm
I have the same basic thought you do, you wait to be asked. I generally won't allow my kids to invite themselves over somewhere. However there are a few kids that I don't mind if they invite themselves. My DD11s general school friends, I think it is extremely rude and shows poor parenting.