A sad day for me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
A sad day for me
20
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 5:33pm

But it is also a day to be thankful. 3 years ago today my MIL died. She's been SO MUCH on my mind. I don't know why anniversaries bring up so many memories. It's good if it's a happy anniversary, but not if it's not.

She died of metastatic breast cancer. She suffered a lot, and that has been hard for me to understand sometimes. But her actual death was very peaceful. She died at home, surrounded by family. We were all there, inluding her grandkids, even though only Matthew remembers, and he is the only one who remembers her, unfortunately. Justin was only 2, and the girls were still babies. Michael is the one who pronounced her dead, which is both tragic and beautiful. It was one of the saddest moments of my life.

So it is pouring pouring POURING rain here today. Just sheets of torrential downpour. We were all going to go to her grave, and plant flowers. Michael said we could go as a family later in the week, because of the weather. However, he went by himself and is there now, planting the flowers in this downpour. Maybe he needed the time to himself.

I worry for my FIL today. He has never gotten over his grief in losing his beloved wife of more than 40 years. He has become a changed man. He has aged considerably, his hair has turned gray, he is unhealthy, and I don't think he wants to be here anymore. He stays shut up in the house where she died, the house Michael grew up in. He has never slept in their bedroom again. He got rid of none of her things, and her daughters eventually went through everything and weeded it out. We try and see him as much as possible, but he is a sad soul. I know he must be grieving today. Luckily, he is with my SIL Bernadette and her family today. I think they were going to go to the grave also.

I loved my MIL more than I love my own mom. That may sound terrible, but she was my *real* mom in so many ways. I knew her since I was 15. She told me I was her daughter too. She was the most giving, loving person I have ever met. I still miss her every day of my life. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. I am glad she's at peace, and I thank God for her life, and for the privilege of knowing her. I am thankful for all she taught me, about being a good wife and mother. I am so thankful that she taught me of her generous heart and compassionate nature. I am so grateful that she was such an awesome grandma to my kids, and wish so much she had stuck around to see them grow up. I am thankful most of all that she raised her kids so well, especially my husband, who learned kind-heartedness and compassion and integrity and morality from her.

I will always miss her, but I can now look back on her life, and the time I was with her, and thank God for her friendship and love, and feel a peace in my heart.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 8:56pm

Oh man Sofia, Im almost crying reading your post. My heart goes out to you and Michael, I really couldn't imagine losing someone like that in my life and death is very hard to deal with. It seems she left such a great impression on you and now you can give that back to Michael and your children and know she is always with you. You are very lucky to have had someone like that in your life and now she is resting in peace. I hope your day was ok.


Kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 9:43pm

I'm sorry for your loss, Sofia. It sounds like your MIL was a really terrific woman and it is understandable that you feel such sadness over her passing. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.

Tarra

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 11:00pm

Thanks everyone!! You are just all so sweet and such good friends. THAT is the reason I like this board! :)

I'm OK. I just feel kinda worn out now. Long, dreary day. . . Glad it's almost over!!

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Registered: 10-16-2004
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 11:42pm

I know the pain you speak of all to well hon, sending a million hugs and tons of positive vibes your way for all those who's lives she touched.


~ Hugs ~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 12:19am
I'm sorry...I know I don't really know you but reading that brought tears to my eyes.
She sounds like a wonderful person and she is watching down on you and all her family today probably crying with you because you hurt so mutch wishing she could hug you and make the pain go away

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 12:40am

(((HUGS))) My thoughts were with you today.

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Registered: 03-17-2005
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 10:33am
to you Sofia.

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Registered: 02-20-2005
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 10:53am
I'm so sorry Sofia... I know how much you loved her! My heart breaks for your FIL as well. It's so hard losing someone that we love so dearly, but we have to find comfort in knowing that we'll be together again someday. Hang in there sweetie!
((((((((HUGS)))))))))

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2006
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 11:44am
Hugs to you and your family!
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Registered: 11-10-2005
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 1:06pm
I don't know how I missed this post yesterday... but I am thinking of you now and I know that your MIL is looking down on you with love and immense pride.
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