school went HORRIBLE this morning...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
school went HORRIBLE this morning...
8
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 1:16pm
after everything that went down on friday i really thought things would be ok this morning, but god was i wrong. it was an absolute nightmare. i really honestly think alleria had a panic attack. she just lost her little mind, screaming and freaking out like it was the end of the world. nothing i did made any difference. she got so freaked out that she bit her tongue and started hyperventilating, then kinda went blank. i don't know that's gotten into her but she's freaked out beyond words.

i couldn't take it anymore this morning, so i just grabbed her and tristan and marched out of the school with tears streaming down my face. i got home and calmed down some then took her back, where she proceeded to do the same thing. that time i just handed her over to the assistant who carried her screaming and crying to class. the teacher called a little later to let me know that alleria was ok, which was really sweet, but it was so horrible all round.

i'm going to talk to the school counselor tommorrow and see if she has any ideas on what to do, but right now i'm just at a loss. i just called the pediatrition and they recomended having dad or grandma take her to class, and i think i'll give that a try tomorrow. maybe she won't do that with someone other than me, i don't know. if that doesn't work i'm going to leave trist with dad in the morning and stay with her for half an hour or so, maybe that will ease things a little.

anyway, i could really use some encouragement right now, i'm having a real crisis of faith in my parenting skills. i feel like the world's worst mom.....sigh

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 2:12pm

Clarity! (((HIGS)))) to you! You are not a bad mom! You are such a good mom that your daughter is so attatched to you and does not want to leave you!


I agree that it might help by letting someone else take her to class, at least for a couple of weeks. You also might want to sit alleria down and calmy go through step by step what will happen when she reaches school.


first we will get out of the car, next we will gather your things. Then we will walk inside to your class. Next you will give trist a hug, then you will give mommy a hug and kiss.


Have a rule that once she crosses the line into the door then it is time for mommy to go.


As a former preschool teacher I will tell you that it made it a lot easier on the child if the parent acts very business like about the whole drop off process. Give two quick hugs and a kiss then have a nice day and walk away. I hope that does not sound harsh but I swear to you it will work! I can't tell you how much harder it made it on the children if mom especially showed lots of emotion. On the way to school reasure her that mommy will always be back to pick her up. Tell her mommy would never leave her there...that is just silly, mommy's always pick up their kids, they wouldn't want them to sleep there..(make this a big joke and she will see to how silly that is.)


(((Hugs to Alleria))) to she just knows what a great mommy you are and would rather spend time with you than even have fun with other kids :)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 3:48pm

Clarity,


Don't feel as it has something to do with your parenting skills.
I am sure it has nothing to do with that. Have you tired sitting down with her and asking why she acts the way she does when being brought to school? If the teacher says she is fine once she gets there, cannot be too bad.
My son cried a bit when being brought to school, but it fine as soon as he is there.
Good luck with talking to the counselor and I hope tomorrow is better for you both.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 5:40pm
(((((Hugs))))) Clarity -


I've been there and I am hoping that this year is different. I never ever had any problems dropping my dd off to Preschool or Pre-K and she is soooo looking forward to starting Kindergarten next week, but when it came time for my ds to go to Preschool last year it was a totally different story. He was fine for about the first two weeks of school, but then after that he cried and screamed to the point where he was almost making himself sick.

What the Assistant Teacher recommended was that I just leave him, give him a kiss and go. She actually had to pull him off of me because he had such a death grip on me. It was very, very upsetting to me and I second-guessed myself many a times, but he was fine. Actually by the time I walked down the hall and started to leave the building he was done crying which made me feel a lot better. What the Doctors, teachers and I decided was that it was jealousy along with seperation anxiety. My dd went to Pre-K in the morning and then he went in the afternoon so when I dropped him off Lauren was usually with me and he seemed to be upset, but if she was playing at a friend's house and I dropped him off and left by myself he was fine. Kind of weird, but he is a mommy's boy..LOL.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I think as long as you feel that she is o.k. and in a safe environment (teacher and kids are treating her correctly) once you leave then I would just drop her off and go. Since I have been there I know it ends up being harder on us, but we need to stay strong for our kids.

I have no idea what this year will bring when it comes to dropping my ds off, but at least I will be dropping my dd off to Kindergarten first so I hope that will make a difference. If it doesn't then I know through experience just to drop him off and go. If not I don't think that he would ever leave my side..LOL.

Best of luck and please keep us updated.

Beth - SAHM to Lauren (11-98) and Noah (8-00)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-1998
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 6:07pm
Clarity,

I am sorry it went so badly.

Do you have to walk her all the way to the classroom? At my ds's school they have a drop off lane and all of the kids, including K3 and K4, get dropped off and the little ones get walked in by a teacher to sit with their class. They do this because the whole school assembles for morning prayer and announcements before heading off to class but it makes it a whole lot easier. I know my ds would be a lot clingier if I had to take him to his room. When I leave him at the Y nursery for an hour, he sometimes locks on to me, and he has been going to school and there for 2 years now.

I highly recommend drop off lanes if the school has a good system for them.

Good luck. I am sorry she is having such a hard time.

Dolli

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 7:00pm
thanks so much for all your encouragement, it's been a rough day and i really needed it. i went crazy today trying to decide what to do. i called the pediatrition, the school counselor, alleria's pre-k teachers, even my mom, lol. i even did a good bit of crying, sniff sniff. anyway, i think we've come up with a good solution, and the funniest thing is the fact that it was the janitor who figured it out, lol. i was in the hall talking to alleria's old teachers as i was waiting to pick alleria up, and we were trying to think of things that might help. the janitor, who is also a bus driver, comes over and says "why don't you just have her ride my bus?" i explained that we're out of the district so we couldn't, and he said "well would she like to ride?" when i told him yes, that alleria had actually been very very disappointed when she found out that she couldn't ride the bus, he just laughed and said "have her outside at 7:30 tomorrow and i'll pick her up!" i just stood there stupid with my mouth open and he goes "well, don't you think that would solve the problem?" why yes, yes it would!! lol. so when alleria got out of class he came and talked to her and she was so so excited. she knows him from last year so she's not going to be with a stranger, and he promised to let her sit right behind him. he's going to pick her up last too, so she won't have to do a long route or anything.

so tomorrow morning alleria rides the bus!! plus alleria's old teachers talked to her and i think that really helped. we went into their classroom after their students let out, and the minute we walked in it was like a visible load lifted off alleria's shoulders. she ran to all her old toys like she was saying hello, then sat down in the quiet center with her teachers on either side of her and just held them for dear life. they were so sweet to her, reminded her of how well she did in their class and sympathized with her about how it's scary to be in a new class with new teachers, and told her that if she's ever feeling scared or lonely to remember how she was their star student and that she can be that in her new class as well. after that she just walked around like she was 10 feet tall, lol. somehow seeing her old class and old teachers seemed to make her feel a lot more secure.

anyway, she seems really excited about tomorrow, and boy is it ever good to see that smile back!

thanks again,

Avatar for lisacolette
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:52am
What an incredible school! To have everyone helping you like that is just fabulous - especially the janitor/busdriver and his generous solution!!!

The other posts were right. You are a great mom. KUDOS to you for marching your DD right back to school after her outburst. Remember that on some level, maybe not on a conscious level, she's playing you! She knows it upsets you and hopes to be let out of the situation by crying. Just keep a firm attitude and don't let her see you flustered. It will get better!

Good luck!

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 10:26am
Clarity,

This EXACT situation happened to me last year with my DS in Pre-K. Pre-K is an all day program here. I put him on the bus, and it was so much easier for him to have that seperation there. On the days I'd have to drive him for some reason, he'd cry and hold on to my leg and just be hysterical! So I go out of my way to put him on the bus, and he's happy to go. So I really think this will work for you!!

Just wanted you to know that you are NOT a bad mom - this same thing has happened to so many of us!!

Oh, and by the way, my first child has never had a problem with leaving. It's just been, "Bye, see ya Mom!". So you may not have this same thing happen with your son. You can just never tell. :)

Glad you found a solution!!

Becky

Mom to 4!

Logan

Brayden

Kiyah

Ainsley 2-9-04

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 10:59am
school went GREAT this morning!!! lol.

you girls are so wonderful, i needed that boost so bad yesterday and ya'll were there, thank you. sometimes you just get really shaken and can't remember why exactly you thought you could do this whole parenting thing, kwim?

today went AWESOME though!! i took alleria down to the nearest bus stop (i felt bad about making the driver go out of his way despite his sweet offer) and turns out there was a little boy from her class there with his big bro. alleria ran right up to him and they started playing and cutting up, and when the bus came she ran happily onto it and didn't look back! the driver just laughed out the window and said "i told you so!" i had to grab her to even get a goodbye kiss, i can't tell you how good that felt :) she sat right behind the driver who true to his word had kept the first seat open for her, and her little friend sat next to her and his brother sat behind them. the other kids mom told her older son to watch out for them, so that made me feel good too. i sent a note with ally asking the teacher to give me a call if anything goes wrong, and so far no call. i'm just so happy, lol.

i do really really love this school. they all came out of the woodwork to help us on this one, and it helped so much just to not have to face it alone. even the front desk lady was so sweet to me. i called yesterday afternoon to find the nearest bus stop, and she recognized my voice! i was so impressed, i didn't tell her who i was or anything, i just said "hey, can you tell me when the bus comes by such and such road" and she goes "oh hey, are you gonna try the bus? i was thinking after you left today that that might help, and i was looking for your number to mention it to you but i couldn't remember your last name!i think that is a great idea and i bet it will work." it just made me feel so good that she noticed and remembered me. it was a little thing and all, but it's indicative of the whole school. like yesterday at pick up the principal was outside helping kids get in their cars, and as i walked by he stopped and said "hey, i just wanted you to know that i made sure to go down to ally's classroom after things calmed down and hang out with her for a while to make sure she was ok. she was doing fine and we had a great time coloring, she's got such a personality!" it's just so obvious that they really care about their students, and it's a feeling you get from the whole school. alleria's teacher came up and talked to tristan after class and she even knew his name. i don't think i've ever told her, i assume alleria must have, but it's just cool that she took the trouble to remember a sibling's name that isnt even in her class. i think as public schools go this one is a keeper, lol.

anyway, just had to give you all an update :)