Self-esteem...whats that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2005
Self-esteem...whats that?
4
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 7:52pm
I have been finding this SAHM thing much tougher than I thought I would. I was asked the other day whether I like it, and realised that the truthful answer is, "most of the time". Really, there are no words to describe that Mommy-joy that we get several times/day. It keeps me going.
But there are times when I have found this to be the toughest job of my life, by far. I know thats not news to anyone. But what was news to me is why its so tough. I've decided that it has nothing to do with my lovely kid, although guilt plays a part in every day and thats not easy. When I was working full time, I had grown-ups telling me that I was doing a good job, I had deadlines to meet and meetings to attend, where I spoke in what I thought was a rational, intelligent manor. Now, I have me and I have Kait (2 years). And I don't care how clean I can manage to keep the bathroom or the livingroom floor, or how good dinner might be, these things just don't give me much satisfaction. So now I find, without the reasuring approval of an adult for a job well-done, I am not quite the confident individual that I thought I was. It doesn't help that piling blocks, and shaping play-dough still leaves plently of time to THINK. I'm not used to being alone with my thoughts quite so much. Plus, of course, I doubt my mothering constantly. Some days, I even take Kait's tantrums personally.
Do these just sound like the ravings of an insecure lunatic, or is anyone else feeling similar self-doubt?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2005
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 8:02pm
I totally understand what you mean.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 10:42pm

I used to feel the same way. I am not sure if it is the passing of time or what, but I feel I know myself better now than ever before. I have come to a point where I know who I am and I have several identities. I am mommy, wife, lover, friend, writer and that is okay.


Maybe it was the times I just had time to think but I think there comes a point where you create a new identity for yourself. I have been a stay at home mom for 7 years now with 1 year where I went back to work. I feel like I am more self-reliant now and very, very, indipendent.


You'll get there!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 1:36am

Hi. It's soo normal to have these thoughts and you're not alone. I've been a sahm for 3.5 yrs and it does get better as time passes. This board helps a lot, being able to come and talk about things that other moms here have experienced as well. I hope you'll stick around and get to know us all better!

Amber

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2005
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 3:47pm
Thanks for all of the encouragement Moms. I have become convinced that this parenting job is not meant to be done alone. (I should explain that my DH is a wonderful Dad, but is away 1-2 weeks out of 4) One of the messages I read on this board said she (SAHM) didn't know how other women in the past had done what she is doing, that they must have been much stronger. I'm not so sure. I think women of the past had a stronger sense of community than many of us, and that parents, siblings, and other adult relatives tended to live nearby. There is certainly truth to the saying that "it takes a village". As to the self-esteem thing, I am glad to have seen the truth about myself. I'm fairly certain that I will now be able to face this as a challenge: to get more comforable in my own skin, even when I am facing the day alone with my babies, in no makeup and unflattering but comfortable jeans.
Cheers, Moms.