Self-esteem...whats that?
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Self-esteem...whats that?
| Tue, 03-01-2005 - 7:52pm |
I have been finding this SAHM thing much tougher than I thought I would. I was asked the other day whether I like it, and realised that the truthful answer is, "most of the time". Really, there are no words to describe that Mommy-joy that we get several times/day. It keeps me going.
But there are times when I have found this to be the toughest job of my life, by far. I know thats not news to anyone. But what was news to me is why its so tough. I've decided that it has nothing to do with my lovely kid, although guilt plays a part in every day and thats not easy. When I was working full time, I had grown-ups telling me that I was doing a good job, I had deadlines to meet and meetings to attend, where I spoke in what I thought was a rational, intelligent manor. Now, I have me and I have Kait (2 years). And I don't care how clean I can manage to keep the bathroom or the livingroom floor, or how good dinner might be, these things just don't give me much satisfaction. So now I find, without the reasuring approval of an adult for a job well-done, I am not quite the confident individual that I thought I was. It doesn't help that piling blocks, and shaping play-dough still leaves plently of time to THINK. I'm not used to being alone with my thoughts quite so much. Plus, of course, I doubt my mothering constantly. Some days, I even take Kait's tantrums personally.
Do these just sound like the ravings of an insecure lunatic, or is anyone else feeling similar self-doubt?
But there are times when I have found this to be the toughest job of my life, by far. I know thats not news to anyone. But what was news to me is why its so tough. I've decided that it has nothing to do with my lovely kid, although guilt plays a part in every day and thats not easy. When I was working full time, I had grown-ups telling me that I was doing a good job, I had deadlines to meet and meetings to attend, where I spoke in what I thought was a rational, intelligent manor. Now, I have me and I have Kait (2 years). And I don't care how clean I can manage to keep the bathroom or the livingroom floor, or how good dinner might be, these things just don't give me much satisfaction. So now I find, without the reasuring approval of an adult for a job well-done, I am not quite the confident individual that I thought I was. It doesn't help that piling blocks, and shaping play-dough still leaves plently of time to THINK. I'm not used to being alone with my thoughts quite so much. Plus, of course, I doubt my mothering constantly. Some days, I even take Kait's tantrums personally.
Do these just sound like the ravings of an insecure lunatic, or is anyone else feeling similar self-doubt?

I used to feel the same way. I am not sure if it is the passing of time or what, but I feel I know myself better now than ever before. I have come to a point where I know who I am and I have several identities. I am mommy, wife, lover, friend, writer and that is okay.
Maybe it was the times I just had time to think but I think there comes a point where you create a new identity for yourself. I have been a stay at home mom for 7 years now with 1 year where I went back to work. I feel like I am more self-reliant now and very, very, indipendent.
You'll get there!
created by lindaandcammommy from the signature showcase board
Hi. It's soo normal to have these thoughts and you're not alone. I've been a sahm for 3.5 yrs and it does get better as time passes. This board helps a lot, being able to come and talk about things that other moms here have experienced as well. I hope you'll stick around and get to know us all better!
Amber
Cheers, Moms.