Selfish of Me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Selfish of Me?
4
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 6:55pm
I have been a stay at home wife for over 6 years and a stay at home Mom for 2.5 years now. Not one waking moment has gone by where I am not with my daughter. I love her dearly, but I am starting to feel like I want some "me time". I feel like maybe that is being selfish since this is what I always wanted. Just wanted to know if anyone else feels this way or are you ok being with your little ones 24-7? I wish I had someone around to take her for just a few hours so I can shower-eat-etc. My husband cannot stay with her by himself because of health reasons and my parents and his parents are just too old to do it. I don't have any teenagers nearby in my neighborhood. I kinda feel like I am stuck. I try to relax when she naps, but the time seems to fly by and I am always keeping an ear out for her. I hear this constant crying in my ears. UGH!! Momma I guess needs a break too. I just needed to vent and hope I am not the only one that feels this way. I know I made this choice and I am happy I did, just sometimes I feel so worn out. I am not the Spring Chicken I use to be.

Trish :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
In reply to: hehmommy
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 8:02pm
Of course you're not being selfish! Making sure that I have a few hours of "me" time each week is what keeps me sane - and it's very important that we maintain our sanity if we are going to be the best moms that we can be.

Are there any Mother's Morning Out programs near you? Check your local churches - they all have different schedules, but most will allow you to choose one or two mornings a week. All three of my children have gone 2 mornings a week since they were a year old. I use that time to buy groceries, clean house, make doctors appointments - and every now and then I just sit and watch t.v! It's very good for my mental health! And the way I look at it, using my free time to run errands gives me more time with the kids once they are home. Instead of dragging them to the grocery store with me, I can take them to the park, because I bought groceries that morning.

If you can't find an MMO program, have you thought about joining a YMCA? Our local Y offers 8 hours a week of childcare for its members.

I hope you can get a little freedom very soon! Good luck!

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-1998
In reply to: hehmommy
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 2:46pm
Not selfish at all.

I am a wanting-to-work-part-time person stuck in a SAHM life. I have always sought out opportunities to do volunteer work while someone watches my children, and now that we live back in the states, I take advantage of a once per week Moms Morning out program at a local church. There is actually preschool 2x per week for my daughter (2.5) available, but it obviously costs more and I don't think she really needs it right now.

My kids (almost 6, 2.5 and 1.5) keep me busy and drive me nuts. If I did not get a break I would lose my mind. I cannot afford to work part time and pay for day care - you usually end up paying for full time day care - and working 8-5 M-F barely covers daycare and would be really stressful on our family with the kids so young and so much to do around the house and for ds at school. So I take the break time where I can.

I am currently trying to get a volunteer position on our base (we are military) and while I do the volunteer work, if I can find a base family care provider to watch the little ones, I can get reimbursed for the childcare costs.

Some people just love to stay at home all day and never get a break from the kids. It doesn't bother them. They even babysit other peoples kids on a daily basis. Or they find a way to get a break when their dh is home (I even talked to someone who takes an entire Saturday once per month to herself - wow). I know that is not the situation for you and I am there too - dh is deployed right now and we have no family nearby.

Its ok to want a break. Heck, I would like to work part time. I need that time away and when I come back, I feel refreshed.

You should call around to area churches and find out if they have such a program as the Moms Morning Out I use. Some daycare centers also have drop in times.

Hugs

Dolli

ps - just read Paige's response and I too use the local YMCA. My kids love the nursery there and my daughter cries if we drive by the Y and don't go in. Its a great resource. And, ours at least, has a lot of college students on staff. I would bet you could find a babysitter that way.


Edited 9/18/2004 2:48 pm ET ET by lama26

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: hehmommy
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 7:16pm
OMG! You are not selfish at all. You are human! In my opinion, a mom who doesn't take care of herself becomes just a mom and not herself. You need to take care of you. Especially with a hubby who cannot help much.

I have been in a similar situation. My hubby was not well enough to take care of my son by himself. While, thankfully, the situation has been fixed (enough anyway), I do remember the feelings. The one about never being able to "relax" is one I still have to deal with. You are always on call and it stinks.

First of all, do you have any friends who you can lean on? When my situation first happened, I didn't ask for help because I was ashamed that I couldn't do it myself. When I finally did ask for help, it made me a better mom. Trying to do everything on my own was making everything I did suffer. I couldn't do it all, so I only put in half efforts. If you have friends in the area, just ask for help.

Your girl is old enough for pre-school. Trust me, it is worth the money if you can pull it out of your budget. She will get stimulation from other people and socialize and you will get a few hours a day to yourself. You can get a haircut, buy new shoes, or even (gasp) go potty with the door closed!!!! My son, almost 4, goes 5 days a week and he LOVES it. When it is closed for holidays, we all go crazy because he wants to see his friends!

As for a "mother's helper", there HAS to be a teenager around that needs the money. Ask your friends if they know anyone. A mommy network is a powerful thing. If you belong to a church/temple/etc put a note in the bulletin that you are looking for help and I bet you will find someone. Check with the local high school. Get creative. There are ALWAYS teens out there looking for a job.

Good luck!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
In reply to: hehmommy
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 12:50pm
First off, welcome to the board.
My name is Mel and I have 2 boys ages 5 and 9 months.
I have been staying home for about 4 years and love it.
I do feel the need for some me time every now and then since my husband is away a lot and its just me and the boys.
Dont feel you are alone. I think most of us dream of time alone for a few minutes.
Welcome again to the board.


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