iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2011
Tue, 05-14-2013 - 11:34am

I am SO angry and hurt right now, I could scream! (breathe...). Ok some background info. My little sister and I never had an awesome relationship, but a few years ago things were starting to go really well. We could talk with each other, and confide in each other, etc. Now a year ago she met a young man who was nice enough, and his family was very nice as well. BUT, she changed everything about herself to mold to his family and what they did and liked, and with this came almost complete disregard for her own family. Well I was just getting use to accepting that this was how it was going to be, when on Mother's Day, of all days, my own mother informs me that this young man and my sister are on their way to a special vacation, which will be a total surprise for her, and that he is going to propose. She couldn't be bothered to call either our mom or me to wish us Happy Mother's Day, but I'm suppose to jump for joy that my sister, who has also been very self involved and has never given a f**k about our mom(sorry but it's true) is getting engaged to man that has changed everything about her?! Well we weren't sure when it was going to happen but I was told to prepare for "a very emotional" call from her. But wait! No no no! How do we all find out that he had popped the question!? ON FACEBOOK! Almost all of her friends knew before her own family! I should also add that his family is with them on this vacation, so they get to be involved in the whole thing. I love my sister, I do, but sometimes she is so incredibly thoughtless that it's sickening. Our mother has emotionally worked very hard over the last year to accept that her daughter has spent all of her free time with this man and his family(and couldn't be bothered to come join us for holidays). She was so heartbroken last night, she was in tears with me on the phone for hours. I was told, via Facebook, that they should be calling us sometime today and I am trying so hard to remain calm and not just rip into them when they call..... BREATHE. Ok sorry, just had to get that all off my chest.

Avatar for j8songrl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Tue, 05-14-2013 - 12:53pm

I don't know anything about your family dynamic or what kind of relationship you and your sister have/had, but I hope that you guys are able to find a middle ground and reconnect. Try doing activities together with just the two of you (wedding planning/dress shopping would be a good one to start with since you'll probably be in her wedding), so it's neautral and others don't have to be involved. Talk to your sister and let her know how her actions are affecting you and your family. Maybe, she doesn't see it?! Facebook is just the eay way to announce anything in this technological age.... I can't say anything, that's how I announced my engagement, pregnancy,  the gender of the baby, and when I was in labor (I didn't call anyone either). I'm friends with my and DH family on FB anyway, so it was just easier.

How old is your sister? She may be at that self centered age (no offense) that life experiences have a way of making you grow up/out of that (marriage, career, kids, etc.). Regardless, of how selfish she may seem to be acting, she will always need her family, especially her mom, even if she doesn't always show it/act it/say it, but particularly now that she has a wedding to plan for. It's these type of privotal moments as an adult that she need her family to step up and be there, even if you don't agree with the way she's acting, it will only make your bond stronger and her appreciate you guys that much more.

I hope I didn't offend you by my commments... I am sort of the black sheep in my family because I am the only one/first one to graduate high school/college, get married before I had kids, etc., so my family thinks that I think I am better than them, which I don't, but because of that I don't speak to my family, but I am very close to DH family. My mom missed out on my high prom, graduation, college graduation, wedding shower, and wedding. We haven't spoke in 10 years (I'm only 28), so she didn't get that mother's day call, either. I hope that you guys are able to reconnect and rekindle your bond because you can't take those moments back.

Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Lilypie First Birthday tickers


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2011
Wed, 05-15-2013 - 12:05am

I think the PP had much more practical things to say.  If it were me, I would be passive-agressive and not answer the phone.  At any rate, I really hope that things smooth out.  It sounds like your sister is going through a period (a prolonged period?) where she doesn't know what she needs from the people around her.  Don't give up quite yet.

Thinking of you.  Try to keep those claws in!  ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2008
Mon, 09-16-2013 - 5:12pm
I am so sorry to hear about that. I can relate. my sister and I have that same type of relationship. and she did about the same thing to us. :( praying for you...