Son Has No Self Control

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Son Has No Self Control
3
Tue, 12-10-2013 - 11:02am

My son has self control issues and i was wondering what i could do about this? He is very smart and talented, but regardless of the consequences he always chooses to do the wrong thing. Then when he has to suffer the consequences for his actions, he hates it and gets upset. He usually gets in trouble for the same exact things and the fact that he also doesn't respect adults or others and he is only 7 is very conserning. I am currently taking him to a therapist which helps to an extent, but it appears that he's just that way inclined. Also, he is not starting to lie to me more and is becoming sneaky. I love my son and i want the best for him, but i'm concerned about this behavior as he gets older. I've spent countless times at his school at parent teacher conferences and with the school principle and they seem to think that he's going to end up in jail which scares me. When he was suspended from school, i informed his dad and all he had to say was "He lives with you during the school week so you have to deal with that". So clearly i get no support from his father. Has anyone been through this or have any suggestions? Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2011
Mon, 12-16-2013 - 4:49pm

Hi Donna, and welcome to the board!  I'm sorry that your son is having such a rough time of it, and that you are, too.  I could say a few things about his dad and the school staff, too, but I'll keep my mouth shut.  ;)  Unfortunately I have no wisdom to offer.  Has the therapist done any assessments with him to see if there are any underlying issues?  Keep us updated, and I hope things get better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2009
Tue, 12-17-2013 - 9:15am

I have a very similar situation to yours. My son is six and it became clear when he entered kindergarten there were problems. When he gets in trouble at school he will actually argue with the teacher/staff. He's always been very strong-willed and has trouble sitting and listening. Now that he's in first grade and is expected to sit at a desk and quietly work, well, it just doesn't happen. I am in daily contact with his teacher. He has already been suspended, and often he is sent to the office and can spend most of the day there. My son has been evaluated and he does not have ADHD according to the psychologists. Currently the school psychologist is observing him and maybe next month she'll have a meeting with me, the principal and his teacher to give us her impressions.

My son is also very defiant and disrespectful, but he can also be sweet and loving. We've gone through a program for challenging behavior and how to modify that behavior. Right now I am trying to work on my own behavior in hopes of modeling for him how I wish him to behave. I'm also trying to approach the problem with nutrition and making sure he gets enough sleep and time with me. I'm thinking of trying meditation and aromatherapy. It's difficult when you don't have support from a spouse (I'm single, and FOB is largely absent). 

Hang in there. I keep hoping it's a phase, but I fear it's going to be a long one!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2011
Tue, 12-17-2013 - 3:54pm

Welcome to the board!  It sounds like you're doing an awesome job with your son.  What did you think of the program you were offerred?  Some, I know, can be great, but I also know that some aren't worth the time it takes to sign up.  Has what you and he learned made any difference in his behaviour?