Spanking & Discipline
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| Tue, 07-11-2006 - 12:57pm |
OK, I decided to do a "Spanking Thread" because I'm feeling guilty today.
How many of you spank your kids? Do you ever hit them? Do you think it's wrong to hit them? When you do it, if you do it, does it work? Do you feel guilty, or am I just a guilt-ridden person?
You might have seen my vent under Coffee Break today. I spanked my 2.5 year old twin girls at about 3 AM last night after they'd been raising the roof for an hour and a half because my DH was called in to work and they woke up. I was totally exasperated and exhausted, and wopped both of them twice hard on their cute little buns (it actually hurt my hand!). They *screamed* bloody murder. I have never hit them before. They're so little, it made me feel very guilty, especially when I woke up this morning and saw their cute, happy little sleepy faces. I thought: "How could I have hit these adorable little angels?" LOL!
I've wopped my boys on the rear end before, too, many times; but never without guilt.
Part of the problem is that I don't really know what "good" discipline is. I find that my kids are much more unruly with me than they are with my DH, despite the fact that I'm the stricter of the 2 of us. They respect him more. Maybe because I'm too hyper with them. He's much more easy-going and fun. He plays with them, tells them stories, dances with them, jokes with them, etc. Whereas it always seems like I'm yelling at them. He rarely raises his voice with them, and when he does, they *jump* because it's so unusual. I've worn out the yelling. They just blow me off when I yell now. I'm constantly resorting to threats with the boys, and now even with the girls. I count. I put them in Time Out. It seems they spend a good part of every day in Time Out. How sad is that?? I think I'm a terrible Mommy :(
I love my kids so much, and wish it could be different. Why can't we just have fun together? Why do they fight with each other so much? My boys hit each other now, and I think it's because I've hit them. Jenna has started spitting at people! My girls have also been known to bite.
I'm down on myself as a mom today. I don't seem to have a good handle on them. Four kids is so much for me. I try to have fun with them. We go to the pool, I let them do fun things, and I'm so affectionate. I'm always hugging and kissing them and telling them "I love you" and praising them. I don't understand where I'm going wrong. And it seems just plain wrong to hit such young kids. I just lost it.
Part of the problem is--I have no perspective. I can't model myself on my mom, she was a mess and hit us all the time. I tried to model myself on my MIL, but I fall short. I don't have her calm demeanor. My husband was never hit as a kid, nor were his 4 siblings, and he thinks it's wrong to hit. He knows I've spanked them, and disagrees with it. He's never ever hit our kids, or anyone for that matter (he's the one who saves spiders in jars and takes them outside, remember? The guy doesn't have a violent bone in his body). So I feel guilty for spanking because I'm going against his parenting philosophy, too, but I just get sooooo exasperated I lose it sometimes.
I think I need some words of wisdom from other mommies here. Do you spank your kids? What discipline tactics do you use that work? My kids are almost 8, almost 5 (boys), and almost 3 (twin girls). I think I've lost all control, and it's mayhem until DH walks in at night and they settle down. It makes me feel pretty worthless. What's he doing right that I'm doing wrong? Why do they respect him so much more? I know they love me, but they don't respect me; that's what I think. And here I am the stricter of the 2 of us, and the one who spanks, and does most of the disciplining, and they obey him and not me. WTF?? He can walk in and calm them down with reasonable talking, and telling them stories, and creative ways of settling their disputes, and I just don't have it in me. I'm feeling pretty discouraged about my Mommyhood right now :(
Sofia


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Alright, Sofia, that is ENOUGH!! ((((HUG)))) You, my dear, are a FABULOUS mommy, and don't you forget it!! You were having a very rough night, and it got the best of you. I tend to lose it, too. When that happens, a firm spank on the cute little buns may be in order - however, that does not make you a bad mom. It does, however, make all of us fabulous mommies feel horribly guilty, and like a failure as a mom, since we had to spank. All that said, I can't imagine 4 kids - I barely handle my own 2 girls, without losing my patience some days. Kids are going to be kids. They will test the waters and see how far they can push us. They will tease their siblings until they get a reaction, be it from mom or sibling (or both). Also remember, they are with you 24/7. After a while, we all tend to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher. The don't really hear us! When dad comes home around here, he is totally the good time guy. They run around the yard together, collecting bugs. They get out the go-kart and take a few laps around the yard. They turn on the pinball machines and video games and have a good time. Oh, and did I mention, he rarely yells? Hey girls, grab your fishin' poles, lets go fishing! I kid you not. It is the same around here. If you are patient, it will all pay off. You will eventually earn the respect of your children. Not only will they know you are their mom, but they will also turn to you for help - because that is what you always do. NURTURE and LOVE. Isn't that the ultimate goal? Don't be so hard on yourself, hon. You were functioning on little sleep, and apparently, they had their 2nd wind. You remember how much they love you, because they know you do. And, make that guilt go away by letting them have ice cream for dessert and then reading them about 30 books before bed tonight! LOL! It will go away.
Hugs, hugs, hugs,
Wendy
Sofia, the fact that you're this concerned about it PROVES that you're a good mother.
OMGosh I read A Child Called It!!! Didn't you just want to dismember that horrible evil vile excuse for a female?! I was seriously so mad to hear that she just died peacefully in her sleep, and never really was punnished for the evil she inflicted.
Sorry Sofia, I don't mean to hijack your thread.
You are a good wife AND a good mother. You know how you can tell? Watch your husband and childrens faces when they first see you. Do they light up? There ya go.
Sofia,
I hope I didn't offend you by what I wrote.
Yay!! Traci!! I just wanted to post and say I agree with your insight on spanking. The only time I've spanked and not felt guilty about it was when I caught Nikki, then 3, trying to put something in an electrical outlet. There are some instances when it's important to make an impression, and that's one of them.
Erin
Hi, Traci......it is very good to see you.....and I agree with everything in your post......
And I will add.....Sofia...honey...can't let yourself feel guilty.....Your a good mommy,
I feel the same way you feel most of the time. I yell a lot because I get soo frustrated, and when I yell, Dom acts worse! He is much better when I am calm, but sometimes I can't help it. Especially when me and the kids are getting ready to go somewhere, and he is acting up, and it takes us twice as long to get out of the house! Then my dh is calm as can be with the kids, and Dom listens to him. You are not a bad mom for spanking your girls, I have spanked Dom many times. No one can be a perfect parent all the time, and you have 4 young children to take care of, it gets overwhelming. :) Hang in there.
Kate
2. eventually (and I speak from my childhood memories) spankings go from spankings to just a look...my mom had this look that we knew meant a spanking was next, and it generally did the job just fine. She still gives me this look sometimes and i'm 28 years old, it's amazing how it can make me feel like Im 10 again....lol.
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