Spanking & Discipline

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Spanking & Discipline
23
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 12:57pm

OK, I decided to do a "Spanking Thread" because I'm feeling guilty today.

How many of you spank your kids? Do you ever hit them? Do you think it's wrong to hit them? When you do it, if you do it, does it work? Do you feel guilty, or am I just a guilt-ridden person?

You might have seen my vent under Coffee Break today. I spanked my 2.5 year old twin girls at about 3 AM last night after they'd been raising the roof for an hour and a half because my DH was called in to work and they woke up. I was totally exasperated and exhausted, and wopped both of them twice hard on their cute little buns (it actually hurt my hand!). They *screamed* bloody murder. I have never hit them before. They're so little, it made me feel very guilty, especially when I woke up this morning and saw their cute, happy little sleepy faces. I thought: "How could I have hit these adorable little angels?" LOL!

I've wopped my boys on the rear end before, too, many times; but never without guilt.

Part of the problem is that I don't really know what "good" discipline is. I find that my kids are much more unruly with me than they are with my DH, despite the fact that I'm the stricter of the 2 of us. They respect him more. Maybe because I'm too hyper with them. He's much more easy-going and fun. He plays with them, tells them stories, dances with them, jokes with them, etc. Whereas it always seems like I'm yelling at them. He rarely raises his voice with them, and when he does, they *jump* because it's so unusual. I've worn out the yelling. They just blow me off when I yell now. I'm constantly resorting to threats with the boys, and now even with the girls. I count. I put them in Time Out. It seems they spend a good part of every day in Time Out. How sad is that?? I think I'm a terrible Mommy :(

I love my kids so much, and wish it could be different. Why can't we just have fun together? Why do they fight with each other so much? My boys hit each other now, and I think it's because I've hit them. Jenna has started spitting at people! My girls have also been known to bite.

I'm down on myself as a mom today. I don't seem to have a good handle on them. Four kids is so much for me. I try to have fun with them. We go to the pool, I let them do fun things, and I'm so affectionate. I'm always hugging and kissing them and telling them "I love you" and praising them. I don't understand where I'm going wrong. And it seems just plain wrong to hit such young kids. I just lost it.

Part of the problem is--I have no perspective. I can't model myself on my mom, she was a mess and hit us all the time. I tried to model myself on my MIL, but I fall short. I don't have her calm demeanor. My husband was never hit as a kid, nor were his 4 siblings, and he thinks it's wrong to hit. He knows I've spanked them, and disagrees with it. He's never ever hit our kids, or anyone for that matter (he's the one who saves spiders in jars and takes them outside, remember? The guy doesn't have a violent bone in his body). So I feel guilty for spanking because I'm going against his parenting philosophy, too, but I just get sooooo exasperated I lose it sometimes.

I think I need some words of wisdom from other mommies here. Do you spank your kids? What discipline tactics do you use that work? My kids are almost 8, almost 5 (boys), and almost 3 (twin girls). I think I've lost all control, and it's mayhem until DH walks in at night and they settle down. It makes me feel pretty worthless. What's he doing right that I'm doing wrong? Why do they respect him so much more? I know they love me, but they don't respect me; that's what I think. And here I am the stricter of the 2 of us, and the one who spanks, and does most of the disciplining, and they obey him and not me. WTF?? He can walk in and calm them down with reasonable talking, and telling them stories, and creative ways of settling their disputes, and I just don't have it in me. I'm feeling pretty discouraged about my Mommyhood right now :(

Sofia




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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 4:04pm

You surely didn't offend me! MWAH! Thanks for the warning :)

We have a GREAT group of ladies here!

Sofia




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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 4:13pm

Thanks to all of you for making me feel so much better! You're right, my darling little angels have completely forgotten about it, LOL! Your support and advice is amazing and I appreciate it so much.

Sofia




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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 1:55am

Well said, Melanie!

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