Stay at home, is it really better?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2006
Stay at home, is it really better?
15
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 3:17pm
I just want to know if I am the only stay at home mom that feels staying home is a small prison, in which your jailer is your 3 year old, and the warden, your husband??? I love my children, and I love my husband, but sometimes I think my life ended when I had kids and decided, by this I mean was forced, to stay home. I hate to think I'm the only one who feels this way!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 4:34pm
At first when I decided to stay home I felt depressed that all I did was feed, change, and rock a baby.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2005
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 5:09pm
I found staying home really hard at first... I had a very hard time finally telling work that I wasn't going back, that made it seem so real.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 6:19pm

I am sorry that you feel that way!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 6:26pm
I have been a stay at home mom for about 5 years, and in that time, I have become more and more upset about that. We have now just moved a thousand miles away from everyone I know, and it just made things worse. Now, instead of having the occasional day away, now I have no sitter, and nothing to do anyway. I keep hoping things will get better, but have no idea how to get out of the rut that I am in....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 6:43pm
Moving away from people in your support group is very hard!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 2:10am

Well to answer your first question.


"Stay at home, is it really better?"


Well that depends. It is better for my family because my children have a Mom who enjoys her daily life. It is my own personal belief that a stay at home parent promotes a good solid family foundation. I want to be my children's first influence, not a babysitter. I love our laid back no rush lifestyle and would not have it any other way.


I hope I don't sound harsh but who is forcing you to stay at home? I think I read it right that you said that. I apologize if I am wrong. Seriously though I know no one can force me to do something I don't want to do. You sound like all your power has been taken away equating your home with a prison and your jailer as your three year old, then the warden for a husband. Can your husband stay at home for a while and let you have the career?


Good luck to you!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2006
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 2:22am
Circumstance is what forces me to stay home with the children, rather than working. With four kids, daycare is not a feasible option, and my husband is the breadwinner in our family. He is an engineer, and I have an associates in accounting. Mine pays about 9 an hour, his about 45 an hour.... As far as providing a stable enviroment for my kids, how stable is it when I hate everything about it? It's like taking something you love, turning it into a job, then saying, deal with this, day in and day out, and like it, because you have no other option! Another portion of this, is that while back home, I had family, and an abundance of sitters for the occasional night out, we have just recently moved a thousand miles away from every person I know. I have spent 2 entire months with noone to speak to about it, and noone to help out. We moved here, again, because my husband's job demanded it.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 7:24am

I know staying home is REALLY hard - I only have 2 kids, so I imagine with 4, it is even harder. However, since you say you just moved, why not take the opportunity to get to know the area. If you need a sitter, check with a local church for a babysitter list. Our church has one, and it even specifies if the sitter has been Red Cross certified! Even if you are not a member of the church, you may get a good reference there. Also, check out your local library - not only for their events, but for other events around town. If there is a local paper, subscribe to that - you will find LOTS of fun things to do in your new neighborhood, and likely meet lots of new families with connections to the best sitters and great places to go!! I'm sure being a SAHM wouldn't feel so "prison-like" if you had some options. I'm sure when you were home where your family and friends were, it wasn't quite so bad. So now is the chance to get out and meet new people with the same interests as you! Children!

Hugs to you and good luck!! Let us know how you are. Feel free to pop in and vent as much as you want. We're always here for you....

Wendy
SAHM to Katie (9 1/2) and Molly (7)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 9:16am
Hi msbroon, I am new on here but I thought I'd give you my 2 cents worth :) I have 4 kids under the age of 8. I have been a stay at home mom since my first baby. I moved to the States from Canada when I got married. I WILL agree it's not easy sometimes! But I've found great satisfaction in this very quickly! First you have to look at the fun things about staying at home. Your own schedule, for one. You get up when you want to get up. I have taught the children to stay in their room until 8 AM so I have time to dress and make my bed etc before I start breakfast. If I want to take them to the lake, I don't have to wait for a day off, Yay!! If I need to get my 40,000 words out for the day, I pick up the phone. All my family lives away, we all have longdistance plans. I have a headphones set to use so I can clean at the same time. Try a new hobby. We are on a budget, but you can garden a little, sew curtains for your house, or take a cake decorating course if you look around for the right things. Get to know your neighbors and swap babysitting! Girl, the sky is the limit!! Suprise hubby with a new recipe! Read to your children! Take them to reading time at the library and get to know ladies there! Go for a good walk each day! And when you are going to scream, call your husband at work and nicely tell him you're having a frustrating day and if you get the kids pjs on and get them ready for bed in the evening, does he mind watching them while you go out and gather your wits at the local walmart, coffee shop, or just read a book at the barnes and noble. If your approach is right, he may be happy to oblige. Kiss him at the door when he walks in and he'll think you're super woman. Smile a lot at the children and they will smile more at you. Live life to the fullest today. I used to be a live in nanny (as a teenager) and I realized then how much mommy misses while being at work! Turn on some music and dance with the children in your living room. Research online on how to make a nice wreath for your door for fall and get onto it. Teach your oldest child how to make pancakes. Thank God for your health where you can do these things!! Make friends with your grocer. One key is to teach your children that you mean what you say. If you tell them there are consequences to a certain action, follow it up. Your children will be pleasant and so will you!! They will learn boundaries and you'll be able take them places without going crazy. I don't know if any of this helps, but it has all been things that have made being a mommy fun for me! We have yucky days too, but I put the kids to be early, take a hot shower, read, and go to bed early. The next morning I feel fresh as a daisy. Give your children all quiet time for an hour each afternoon where they stay on their beds. They can look at books or listen to a story tape if they don't want to sleep, but you can enjoy a welcome break then too. Hope this helps. I'm no expert, but these are things that have helped me :) Have a great day!! Oh yes, There is a website www.nogreaterjoy.org that is a great website. I have learned a lot from them. Ok. Hope this helps, doesn't offend! It's just my little 2 cents worth!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2006
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 9:36am
Your suggestions are the best that I have recieved so far! Thank you very much for the advice. I know I should appreciate the fact that I have seen all the milestones that my children have made, and I know I should appreciate the fact that I don't have to work. But my mind and my heart tend to argue alot about the fact that I'm not happy doing this job. I love my children, I love the hugs and kisses that come with breakfast in the morning, and bedtime at night, but I hate being the slave driver that makes them clean up their rooms, and straighten up the living room. I hate being the person who yells at them to quit fighting, and I hate being the one that has to discipline. I love being the one who fixes all the boo boos, and who sticks up for them when they need it, but those times come further and further between the bad times. I'm not house proud, my house is rarely spotless, and I have no clue how to decorate! I have a nice house, one my husband can be proud of, but I find no pride in that....What is wrong with me!!!!

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