step parenting
Find a Conversation
step parenting
| Wed, 02-16-2005 - 10:02pm |
How do you deal with an ex-husband who wants nothing to do with his son but wants to see him so step dad doesn't get a hold of him? My husband is more of father to my son then his own father is and I think that we should go with it.

I don't really have any advise for you...
I was "the step child". My mom & dad divorced when I was 9, and lived alone for years. They both remarried. I have always viewed my relationships with my step mom & step dad differently over the years. I lived with mom & step dad, so there was obvious tension between him and myself!!!
One of the main reasons my parents divorced was that my dad was never there. He worked out of town for weeks/months on end...and still does (even though he now has a wife and 2 kids, 9 & 11 yrs old)
My dad wasn't there when I was a kid. It was hard because my step dad was. I don't know how to word it, but at the time I was thankful, but God forbid if I would admit it!!!!
At my wedding, I asked my dad to say something, he REALLY didn't want to (he has a very hard time with public speaking) and I made him do it. Kind of mean, but I guess a part of me wanted to know that he was finally there for me.
If your ex is abusive or a total creep to you or your kids, I wouldn't think twice about cutting him out. But if he is/was like my dad, a lovable but yet disconected parent who has good intentions, I would let it go and see what happens. Obviously you have remarried. And from the sounds of it, your new partner has very good intentions towards your children/child. If you are living together as a family, and the "dad" has rights to see the child then you will have to work out a decent arrangment.
I know that my family life was fine (as I said they divorced when I was 9) and at my wedding, a few speeches after my dad's, my step dad did one as well, and my dad was so *issed off...because he called me thier "little girl"
I think that my dad was envious that he wasn't around, and "someone else" got to see everything.
Sorry for my ramble, I hope it works out for you...it can be done!!!
Lesley
This is just my opinion but like Lesely said, I don't think you should cut him out unless he is abusing your child.
I am a kid that had numerous step-dads. Some I hated with a passion most I could care less about and one who later showed me there are some good guys. I am sorry but I think you should make every effort to make sure they have a relationship. I know it is not fair that you should have to do all the work but trust me when I say that your child will notice.
If you try and pull him away from his biological father, no matter what kind of parent he is...your child will feel like you are at fault if you say he cannot see him.
Speaking for myself, I believe that children have an absolute need to know the people that created them. Out of selfishness my Mother kept me out of my biological Fathers life just to make it easier on any step Fathers I had...Well It is her I resent for it. I do not have the best of relationships with her and really, really resent her for not fostering a relationship between myself and my Father.
I think you and your husband should grit your teeth and pretend he is the best guy in the world. If you do not your child will feel like you are saying there is something wrong with him...after all he is half of his father. Your child will come to his own conclusions about what kind of parent his Father is...but let it be his decisions and not yours or your husbands.
That is just my opinion.
Best wishes
Traci
Tenderheart Bear
You are thinker, organizer, peacekeeper, and leader all in one. You have a power to command attention and people listen to you. However, you are often so concerned about not hurting others' feelings that you don't tell them what they need to hear and this gets you both into trouble. But you always have loyal friends to help you out.
I, too am the step-child.