Stepping down as CL

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Stepping down as CL
20
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 12:38am
I just spent the last hour crying and talking to Kyle... this may seem like a bunch of gibberish, or it may make perfect sense. At any rate, I hope to at least try to explain.
Over a year ago we bought a dog... a purebred Labrador we named Madison. I was not ready for a dog, but gave in anyway. She sat in my lap all the way home, and the kids adored her. As Madison grew, so did the problems with her... she would dig her way out and run crazy all over the neighborhood. Every time though without fail, she would come home and scratch at the front door to be let in. She shed terribly all over the house, she ate Kleenex out of the trash and threw up on the carpet, she dug up and ate my rose bush, she was just an all out pain in the butt.
This morning my mom went back home, and took Madison with her to live with my aunt. I cried when she left and kept asking myself "are we doing the right thing?" over and over again. As much as she irritates me, I love her so much and I hurt so bad right now. Whenever I was down, *she* was the one who comforted me... I woke up this morning to find her just sitting there looking at me. I want her back. I don't know if I can have her back now though. I'm crying so hard.
Kyle asked me, "what is God teaching you through all of this?". I told him "mercy and grace". Madison is very much like my oldest daughter, Natalie. Both of them do things that irritate me beyond belief, but many times it's just because that's just who they are. Yet, both of them can be so loving. I failed Madison... I criticized her, I yelled at her, I condemned her, and I sent her away. I fail my daughter daily too... I criticize her for not doing things the right way, I yell, I don't spend enough time with her, and it's because of stupid little things that I let irritate me. I have failed to show mercy and grace, and I have lost a pet that I deeply love because of it. I don't want to make another mistake and lose my daughter by driving her away emotionally.
Natalie tells me frequently "you care more about your friends on the internet than you do about me". I seem to remember saying something very similar to my mom a few years back. She and I had a very rocky relationship for a few years because I always came second to her friends. I've been doing the exact same thing to Natalie. I've struggled for months now as to what I should do... it seems like something has constantly come up to keep me from the board. Now I realize why. I need to focus on my children. I love all of you, but they need to come first and foremost in my life. I'm sure all of you understand.
I will continue to post on the board, but I will not be very active... at least for a while until I can get my priorities straightened out. Please continue to think of me. I appreciate and love all of you so much.

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Edited 4/10/2007 12:53 am ET by cl-momof3littlepunkins

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 11:07am

You already know how I feel about this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2007
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 11:21am
Take some time and figure it out.We are all rooting and praying for you.Hilary
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2006
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 12:57pm
HUGE HUGS!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2005
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 1:14pm
~~Hugs Desiree I know this has been weighing heavy on your heart for a while now. We will miss you as CL but being MOmmy is most important (why I am around less : )...loving my kidos more these days

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2002
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 3:07pm
P & PT Desiree!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 4:00pm
deisree, Im sorry to see you step down, but totally understand where you are coming from. I know you have struggled with this decision for some time now. Do what you need to do for you and your family...just dont diappear on us all together now ok? remember...I know how to find you lol!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 8:03pm

Desiree, I totally understand where you're coming from. I've been feeling much the same way lately. Family absolutely comes first! And like I told you, I also understand you missing Madison. I've BTDT with a puppydog too :(

You will be very much missed, but know that you did an awesome job as our CL. We were very blessed to have you for the time you did it. It's just time to move on and focus on more important things. . . Just don't forget about us completely, or I'll have to hunt you down! ;)

(((Hugs)))

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 9:48pm
It seems like you are making the best decision and your children do come first. I hate to see you go, and will miss you, you better check in when you can,!:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 10:00am

Desiree,


I am just checking in right now and I am so sorry that you are going to through all of this and that you are stepping down as CL.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2006
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 11:33am

(((HUGS))) Desiree.

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