Still crying :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Still crying :(
9
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 10:48am

Tessa is still crying when I drop her off at school. Every single time!! :( She is not crying as long as she used to, according to her teacher. She stops about 5 minutes after I leave, whereas at first she was crying like half the time she was there. But it still kills me every time to walk out and leave her like that. She'll hold my leg or the handle of my purse, and cry.

Jenna is fine with school. She even made friends with a little girl named Haley, and they play together, the teacher told me. I met Haley's mom and she said both the girls and I should come for a playdate at her house Friday morning, but we haven't set up anything yet, but we exchanged phone numbers. I thought maybe that would be a good idea, to help Tessa socialize better, as she only socializes with Jenna. Jenna will play with Haley, and Tessa will just stay near her, and not participate! What is WRONG with my daughter?? Is there something wrong? Have we babied her too much, is she spoiled, maladjusted, insecure? I just feel so terrible about all this!

I'm tempted to pull her out of school, and leave Jenna in. It's been over a month, and she's still crying! Michael does *not* think we should do that. He points out that she's crying less and less. He says if we pull her out now, we're giving her the wrong message, and not teaching her to stick with stuff, and that we're actually BUILDING her security by showing her we always come back for her, that we put her in a safe place, and that nothing happens to her when she's away from us if we make the decision to leave her somewhere. He even teased her Sunday night when he went to work, and pretended to cry and have a fit and hold onto me, and she was cracking up. He was trying to make light of it. He asked her if Dad should cry every time he goes to work, and she laughed and said No. So then he said "Well, you shouldn't cry every time you go to school either, right?" And she cracked up. So I think part of her knows it's just silly to act this way, but at the same time, if she's genuinely unhappy, I don't want to torture her. Maybe I'm creating deep psychological problems of abandonment that will last her a lifetime. Or maybe my DH is right, that we're actually building self esteem and security. I don't know what to do. I just don't have perspective. Any advice from you moms who have gone before me would be so much appreciated!!

Thanks for listening!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2006
In reply to: surfnsand
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 11:20am

Oh, Sofia, it must break your heart every time you have to leave!!

Lilypie Maternity tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
In reply to: surfnsand
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 11:29am

((((HUGS)))) to you. This is tough. Here's my opinion, for what it's worth

I think you should leave her in. If she's down to only crying for 5 minutes, that's much better and it could be it actually comforts her, somehow. If you take her out and try again next year, I bet she'd do the exact same thing. Jenny has a little girl in her kindergarten class who cries for her mom every day for no real reason, so I don't think it's only a 3yo thing. ITA with everything Michael said.

I would suggest that you talk to your pediatrician, though, if you're really concerned about it. He/she might have some insight or be able to refer you to someone, a child psychologist, maybe, who can help you figure out how to make it easier on her. I don't think it's anything you have done, Sofia. You've treated Jenna and Tessa exactly the same, right? It's just her personality, try not to feel responsible.

HTH
Erin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2006
In reply to: surfnsand
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 11:55am

Sofia, you poor thing!

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Registered: 11-05-2004
In reply to: surfnsand
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 12:03pm

Sofia,


I think you should keep her in, she seems to be doing soo much better and 5 minutes isn't too long. She's going to have to go to school sooner or later and since she seems to be getting use to it, I think it would only hurt her to take her out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
In reply to: surfnsand
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 12:12pm

You know last week when I

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
In reply to: surfnsand
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 3:29pm

Your husband is absolutely right - you will be sending her the wrong message if you pull her out. I know it's hard to see your child cry, but if she only cries for 5 minutes, that is not bad at all. As long as you know that she is in a safe, caring place, you can rest assured that she will be fine. She will outgrow this eventually - hang in there!

Paige (who has gone through this with all 3 boys and they are all fine) :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: surfnsand
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 4:21pm
Thanks everyone, for your advice and words of comfort! I feel a lot better about it hearing from other mommies who've BTDT. I guess I'll leave her in for now. I got her home today, and she was absolutely FINE. Playing with her sister, happy, singing a song in the car that she learned in school (something about Spring flowers, LOL!). Didn't have a care in the world. Maybe I'm making a bigger deal out of this than I should. Maybe my husband is right about her benefitting in the long run. It's just so hard to leave her crying every time. . . Anyway, thanks again!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
In reply to: surfnsand
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 10:05pm
I'm glad she's doing a little better.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: surfnsand
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 9:22am

I have no idea since Havyn is not even there yet.