Thinking about it....looking for advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thinking about it....looking for advice
8
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 4:46pm

Hi. My name is Kristy. I have a beautiful 3 year old daughter and adorable almost 3 month old son. I have never stopped working since having my kids. As a sort of back ground, I have a master's degree and work in Human Resources at the Manager level and make a good living (over 50k). My husband does computer work and makes a couple of thousand less than me. We do pretty well financially. I've always said that I really want to stay home with my kids. Well...the opportunity may be coming up and I'm really stressing over what would be best for my kids. Please don't take this post as a debate starter or anything. I seriously want your opinions and so I'm laying my true, unedited feelings on the table. I want to stay at home but it will mean dramatic changes in finances for us. I'm just curious...what is the financial level that you were willing to be at to stay home? I mean...is it a family income of $40k?, $50k? How much does it take to stay home? I can't use the old "I pay more in daycare that I make" thing because it isn't true. I still bring home a substantial amt. after daycare costs. I'm able to pay for memberships to our local zoo and children's museum and for dance lessons, etc. Plus, I'm putting $ in a 401k for retirement and I'm putting money in my children's college accounts - things I wouldn't do as a stay at home mom. Plus, if I chose to go back to work when they started school, I wonder how hard it would be to get back into the workforce. Does all of this make sense? I guess I'm just looking to hear from SAHMs to find out basically, how much is your income level that you live off of? Are you down to teh wire financially all the time? Do big purchases (like new tires for a car) stress you financially? Or do all of these things just not matter because you are with your kids? I grew up with a SAHM and I can't imagine growing up any other way. And yet, my kids do. And I'm still a wonderful parent. But...I always having this nagging feeling that I should be home with my kids. Does any of this make sense? I will stop here....I'm just looking for personal stories. Why did you decide to stay home? What were you doing beforehand? when do you plan to go back? What have you had to "give up"?

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 4:55pm


My Husband brings in only about 25K a year and I work one day a week for about three hours and I bring in 5K a year. We only have one child but we live relativly comforfortably on 30K a year. Big purchases are a little stressful but we have very little debt and so we don't usually mind putting a purchase (every now and then) on the credit card. I really LOVE being at home with my son and I truly belive that it's worth it to stay at home!

Maria

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 5:23pm
Hi!
Welcome to the board. I'm a 24 year old SAHM and I have a 26 month old boy. Well.....let me see , where to begin. Getting pregnant with my son wasn't planned, I was only 21, and working in a dr.'s office, and my boyfriend was substitue teacher and was 24 years old. We decided to get married, and I was going to stay at home with the baby because i was only making $9/hr and it really wouldn't be worth it to leave him, unless we had to of course. So, my husband got a job 3 months before I was due as a loan officer, which was 100% commission. It took a few weeks to get started, but he made decent money, and we hardly had any bills because we were soo young,and we had an apartment-rent was $480. He made $42,000 last year. His job was really unpredictable, and sometimes he had awful months, other times it was great.
I even sometimes felt guilty I was at home and not working, but then convinced myself it was best for the baby and we always paid our bills, and had money for food, and some extra money for things we wanted to do. Here we are 2 years later, still in an apartment, but my husband just got a new job 3 months ago, and we're actually going to start looking for a house in January. We have 2 almost new cars, gym membership, my son takes a gym and swim class, music class, has nice clothes. We basically do everything we want to do within some limits. It's a huge sacrifice, but it's definantely worth spending the whole day with my son, I don't think any money could replace that. Staying at home isn't as easy as most people think. Honestly when I first had my son i was almost going to go back to work so I can get a break! no, new tires for our car or other expenses don't really stress us out. The decision is up to you, I don't know how many bills you have or how much money you can make it on. I just look at it this way, I have my whole life to work and my children will grow up soo fast, I don't want to regret missing that because of work. let me know what you decide!
Katie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 5:50pm

I am a former pre-k teacher. I loved my job...no ADORED my job. Then my first was born and I knew I could never leave him. It was hard at first seeing old

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 6:21pm

I just want to say I am writing this quick for the family is getting ready to go out to eat...


I was making

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 6:29pm
Hello, My name is Mel and I have been a sahm for about 4 years. I have two children, ages 5 years old and 11 months old.
My husband works 3 weeks home and 3 weeks gone. He averages about 45K a year after taxes.
I am not going to lie, but for us, it is paycheck to paycheck. BUT that is because we have credit cards bills and expenses from having the baby.
I think if you try and are smart about it, you can be a sahm at any cost.
I love being home with my children and will do anything it takes to be able to pay the bills and be home.
Good luck on your decision.


Lilypie Baby Days



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 9:35pm

You have asked some real unanswerable questions.

There is no figure for which it is normal for the mom to stay home. I know a family whose dad makes MAYBE $30,000 a year. They have 3 kids and are looking to have number 4. They are happy with what they have. Everything they have is used/secondhand and they don't have much in extras.

I also know a family with 3 kids whose dad makes over $100,000/year. They also wouldn't have it any other way.

It really boils down to what you are comfortable with. Regardless of whether or not it would have cost more in daycare than I would have stayed home. Think of it as a lifestyle choice. It was worth any money I made to be there for my son. I wake up with him and am there when he goes to sleep. I am there when he has a boo-boo or if he reaches a new milestone.

I hope that helps.

Ejkdmom Come visit my store: www.leorra.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 11:02pm
Hi!
I made the decision to stay home when my son was born a year ago. It wasn't an easy decision though. I wanted to stay home with him. My mom stayed home with me, and I always wanted to do that for my kids, too. But at the same time I was nervous about losing my income. I worried about what would happen if my husband got laid off or something. It was the best job I have ever had, and I really liked it there, so it was hard to leave it. I understand wanting to be sure you're doing the right thing.
So far things have gone well for us. Our funds aren't unlimited now. We have little debt though, so it's working out well. We do have enough extra money to go out to eat or buy stuff (like cute outfits for ds that he doesn't really need). I do miss the interaction with other adults at work, but I look at it like my ds is only going to be little once, so it's worth it. I think you need to sit down with your checkbook and figure out how much you're spending on bills, food, gas, etc. If you have tons of debt you'll never be able to quit work no matter how much your spouse makes. On the other hand, if you have hardly any bills to worry about you can live on much less money. It also depends on where you live. The cost of living varies so much across the country. So it's not really the amount you make that matters. It's what all you have to pay for.
Good luck with your decision!
~Jennifer
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 11:58pm

Hello.
Just the beginning of this year I had a great job, the best I had ever had. I work 10 hour days and weekends by choice. It felt like I always needed money. I would go shopping and spend a couple hundred dollars on stuff I wanted for me and my family. I would then take us all out to eat and see a movie. I would spend alot of money.

We are a family of 5.

After my now 1 yr old was born, it crushed me to go back to work. My husband got "fixed" and I knew this was my last baby. I was devastated, I had never stayed home. I did alot with my kids, they are my life (I had a bad childhood and make theirs what mine should have been).But I was so scared of how we would live w/o my income, I didnt think we could make it on only my DH's salary 20k. Then my baby became deathly ill and after he recovered I quit my job. He needed special care.

I am amzed at how well we do. We live paycheck to paycheck but bills are paid. We have a lil left over too. I just took my 2 oldest to see Incredibles last sunday. The amazing thing is that I come up with cheap things to do. We have a creek out back and my kids loved backing lunch and go there all summer. I took them to the playgrounds with their favorite snacks even sometimes stopping and letting them get baby cones (which was always enough)We get hand me downs but they are nice. I sell alot on ebay for extra money. Tires yeah they are a pinch but we bought all new 4 tires for our Explorer a couple months ago. We just saved for 2 weeks and bought good tires. Yeah I dont shop anymore and we fix what breaks. We stay home alot. We roll change for next summers vacation to hersey park camp ground. We freeze left overs. We shop at cheap grocery stores. My daughter plays sports and is in Girlscouts. I bought for xmas all year and now we only have to buy for our dads. I had a kick butt adult halloween party, then a kids halloween party and 2 bday parties (my eldest and youngest bdays are 8 yrs and a day apart) in the last 4 weeks. All bills are paid. We have a new car, we just paid off our home, utilities, 2 credit cards, and we get it done. You can do it, you will do it and you wont regret it. But if you stay at work you will always wonder. Like another mom said you have forever to work just a short time with your children.
It is a job to stay home. You are busy all day. I slip school work in with my 4 yr old, I play with them, we curl up and watch a movie, theres laundry for 5, breakfast, lunch, dinner, dishes, pets to care for, dr appointments, basic house cleaning, baths, homework, computer time LOL, and other things to keep you busy. Somedays are hard like I live for DH to come home....but when I think of going back to work my heart flips.

Another plus....Im not so tired anymore and DH and I have been on a honeymoon for 7 mos........

I do plan on going back when my youngest can go to school all day. What would the sense be to stay home then......lol

Eileen