Time away from the kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2006
Time away from the kids
10
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 11:30pm
I was just wondering how often everyone goes out without their children? My dh and I only go out about 2 times a month. We only have family watch the kids and it is a struggle to get them to watch them. I don't know if I am being unrealistic about wanting to go out once a week. Thanks.
Laura
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 12:20am

I'd *love* to go out once-a-week too, but that is not happening over here. We're lucky if we get once/month! One of our New Year's resolutions for 2006 was a Date Night at least once-a-month, and so far/so good. My niece usually babysits for us, but sometimes we get the neighbor, or other family. We have 4 kids under age 8, so we pay babysitters highly: $10/hour, so it can be very expensive to go out. Sometimes we get lucky and go out more than once/month. This month has been one of those times. We went out Friday to dinner, and are going out next Saturday, and just took a 3-night cruise to the Bahamas last weekend for our anniversary, but that is very unusual. . . I'm with you, I get frustrated sometimes by the lack of "Alone Time" I get with my husband, and wish it could be more.

One thing we've done that helps is have Date Nights at home. After we put the kids to bed, if we don't have a sitter, we'll rent a DVD, make popcorn, have a late romantic dinner in the formal dining room in candlelight, have some wine or champagne or mix drinks, take a bath together in the whirlpool tub, etc. Just make our own Date Night, even though we're not going out. With the kids sound asleep, it's still Alone Time, and it really helps keep the romance going!! You should try it. I recommend it to everyone.

Sofia




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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2003
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 2:43am

I don't remember the last time we actually went somewhere just us, but we sure do try to get alone time at least at home !

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Avatar for me_n_my_gals
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 6:26am

Laura, at my house, it is totally unrealistic to go out without children, once a week. I wish we could go out every OTHER week, but that wouldn't happen either. I know, we could make time for it, but we just always have so much going on. Better than getting a sitter, we sometimes put the girls to bed, and then have a late dinner together. That is very nice. I also know, I used to only have family watch our girls, but we moved about 40 mins away, and now it is even harder to get only family to watch them, so we have learned to trust a babysitter. She is a neighbor, who has Red Cross training. She is very good with the girls and they love her. It may be worth it for you to check into a reliable sitter, if it means you could get out more. For your peace of mind, make sure the sitter has taken the Red Cross babysitting course. Also, start out small. Have her over while you run a few errands, close to home and you wouldn't be gone more than about 1 1/2 to 2 hours. You'll learn to become more comfortable.

Good luck!
Wendy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 8:40am

Hi Laura! Dh and I definitely don't get out once a week. He and I really love doing things WITH the kids in the summer months on the weekends, so we're pretty much booked. Our kids are 8,6, and 6, so it's getting easier and easier to do things as a family. Dh's and my time out alone usually revolve around specific events. We don't make specific dates and call them 'date night', we just try to do certain things together as a couple that some people wouldn't. For example, the twin's and dd's birthdays are in may and july and we shop for them together. We also go to the Parade of Homes every year and there are other things to celebrate (Mom's day, class reunions, my birthday, etc). We get out together more in the fall and winter months simply because there are more excuses to. Christmas shopping takes at least 4 shopping excursions, and there's Pumpkin Show, Valentines day, etc.

I should say that when the kids were much younger I DID get out with dh once a week. I am fortunate to have my ILs as sitters and when I had two 6 month olds and a 2 year old, I HAD to get out once a week and dh understood that. It wasn't as much about spending time with dh as it was spending time WITHOUT the kids, LOL.

Sometimes you can mistake the need to get away from the house with the need to have a date with your dh, too. Maybe you can't work in a date once a week but in the weeks that you don't you could spend some time with yourself, get a sitter and go to the movies, or shop, or do whatever relaxes you. I know my dh works long hours and to him, scheduling a date with me is time he can't spend with the kids, which is something he really looks forward to. So when I'm frazzled, I try to get out by myself a day.

Erin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2006
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 12:28pm
Thank you all for all of the good suggestions. My husband and I do really enjoy our family time too, but the kids are still so young that we are pretty limited to what activities we can do. I think I definetley need more time away from my kids, so I do need to have my husband watch them while I go do things on my own. I will take the advice about the sitter, but not until both of my children can talk. I need them to be able to tell me what is going on. Thank you all for your imput!
Laura
Avatar for lovetwins2003
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2003
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 6:36pm

I employ a part time Nanny. We also use her for babysitting. I can't say how often we go out as a couple...it could be twice a week or not at all for several weeks. It just depends on what we have planned. We try to go to concerts we'd like to see, we like to use our season tickets to see ballgames (we take the kids sometimes too), plays, movies, dinners, etc..

I pay $10 an hour for watching 2 yr old twins. Nannies/sitters in our area are paid between $10-$20 an hour depending on experience, number of children and services needed.
I'm sure you could find someone for even less if needed.

I understand your concerns about the children not being able to speak yet... I'm totally with you on that. I have found it possible to find absolutely wonderful care for our children. We've had a couple of Nannies who are basically extended members of our family. I make the job really simple for them, don't ask alot other than children are loved, safe, clean and fed. I treat them to meals, gift certificates, tips and other tokens of appreciation. I don't complicate things by asking them to clean and help keep their job from being overwhelming.

I do recommend and have always done extensive research before employing, such as background checks, drug testing, credit checks and analysis by a psychological professional. If you can find someone by the referral of a friend or colleague that could be a big winner too.

If all else fails, take turns watching the kids while so that both you and your husband can pursue your own interests. My DH watches the kids on Saturdays very often so I can hit the movies or shopping. I do the same so he can play poker, softball, etc...

Regards

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 2:02am
The last time DH and I went out just the two of us was in March for his birthday and the time before that...I think last year. We have good intentions but we just don't go through on them. Actually tonight I told him I wanted to go out on a date with him. LOL! I would love to see DH without the kids. I miss that.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 11:58am

wow I wish we could go out twice a month! LOL

My FIL and his wife divorced, and she was the one who would watch them (once every 3-4 months), so there goes that baby sitter... plus my step mom is out of the country for a while so she can't watch them. I really don't have anyone to watch my kids, so we never go out. I can't remember the last time we actually had a night out... it's been several months.

I say if you have sitter available, go out whenever you can and enjoy it! LOL
just don't ask family every week, b/c it will start to feel like a burden to them kwim?



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2005
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 5:45pm

$10 an hour!




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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2001
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 11:37pm

We try hard to go out once a month.

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