Tough time adjusting
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| Tue, 02-06-2007 - 2:36pm |
Hey there-it was been a little over a week since I quit my job to SAH with 2.5 yr ds and 3 month old daughter. I am having a hard time adjusting for a number of reasons
-have always worked and it is weird not to since for good or bad, it defined who I was for a long time
-family income dropping considerably- we live in an expensive area and keep feeling pooh even though daycare isn't an option I'd consider right now and feel that this is the best situation
-finding it daunting to venture out with toddler who is prone to temper tantrums-end up inside a lot
-find it exhausting to entertain toddler and nurse three month old, in turn feel guilty for not playing with toddler enough, can't shake feeling guilty
-have found it hard to make friends with people in similar situations-friends that have kids, have children that are older/younger, also have found that there are a lot of parents that don't discipline their children about hitting.
Anyway, I could go on, but basically I am in a funk and I am just wondering if this is normal in the beginning. A part of me thinks, give yourself a break, you are bf, you have an infant and a toddler...it will only get easier.
As for everything else...I want to be happy with our financial situation right now. I know that in the end, money doesn't=being happy but with having grown up really poor - it was hard to give up a lucrative job....I am not even that materialistic-it is just the fear of being poor again that eats at me.
As for feeling guilt- I find it hard to entertain my son and feel bad that he seems bored/is watching too much tv.
thanks for reading.
Ana

Welcome to the board Ana!
You're not alone. I think a woman could fairly be called a liar if she said she
You are totally normal!!! I could have written your post 8 years ago - and let me tell you that it took me a YEAR before I stopped thinking that I had made the biggest mistake of my life when I decided to stay home. I was so bored and lonely that I would literally go up to strange women at the park and introduce myself, just to have someone to talk to.
So here is my advice:
1) Give yourself some time to adjust to your new life. Staying at home is a huge decision and will be a huge adjustment. Don't beat yourself up if you don't love it immediately. In time you will find your niche in your new world and you will be fine.
2) You'll have to find yourself a new support group and a whole new set of friends who are in the same boat as you. Check out Mothers of Preschoolers (www.mops.org), the Mom's Club (www.momsclub.org), and Mothers and More (www.mothersandmore.org) to see if they have chapters near you. In addition to that, see if there are any neighborhood playgroups around you - you may even end up having to start one yourself. All you have to do is find a few moms who want to get together for coffee each week with the kids. You can meet other moms at the public library during Storytime, at Gymboree classes, and at Kindermusik classes (just a few examples). Also, check out local churches and hospitals to see if they have any mom support groups. I joined my playgroup nearly 9 years ago and at first did not even click with the women in it, but now they are some of my best friends. But it took years for me to come to that point.
3) Finally, take care of yourself! Go to the gym, join a book club, take up a new hobby. Make it a priority to do something for yourself at least once a week. Otherwise you will lose your mind. I know that the kids need you, but they will not die if you leave them for an hour each week, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Trust me - I have been in your shoes and I survived. You will too, but you have to take care of yourself. Good luck!
Paige (mom of 3 boys - 9, 8, and 6)
Hello, I am mainly a lurker (a little posting shy) but I think all SAHM's have felt that way in the beginning and then again at different times. I came home with my dd (now 4) and freaked out for over a year that I had given up a career. I had a hard time feeling validated b/c there was no one to give me a pat on the back for doing a good job cleaning or doing a craft with dd. It took me a while to realize what a wonderful gift this was to my child - even though during the time of my doubt I could talk about it like I felt nothing but the greatness. :)
Just give it time though and you learn how to fit all of those feelings in and create an environment that you are comfortable in. It's so important to find a group/activity that you can identify with and feel comfortable being a part of.
Good luck!
Danielle
I feel being a stay at home mom, is a lot easier than any career, this is just my opinion, though, after a few years home you will tackle any career and excel. Staying at home forces you to commit to others, and this hs been real gut level growth for me, it is not lucrative though, but, soulfully, indespensible.
Just my two cents worth.
arie
Ana - I just posted about a similar issue to yours, but it sounds like our situations are a lot alike! I just wanted you know that you have a newbie SAHM buddy with a 3 year old and a baby due in April.
Also, I wanted to mention a couple of things. I can totally relate to the finances issue! I quit my job where, with commission & bonus, I was actually bringing home MORE than DH. I still don't know how that's going to work out, but I am doing some jobs from home to help with money. If that sounds like something that would help, you should definitely look into it. Everything I'm doing is all online, as I have time, and I do things at night when DS is in bed, or when DH is home.
I think someone mentioned a Y membership, which I just started looking into this week. I am really thinking about doing this, once I get the hang of paying bills with one income. Especially since you've just dropped a large part of your income - you might qualify for a rate reduction if money is an issue. If you go to www.myy.org, you can look at the income guidelines and see how much you can get one for based on your income.
Just wanted to offer a little support and let you know you're not all alone!!
~Emily
WOW! If I didn't know better I would have thought I wrote your e-mail!! You've received lots of responses and I'm sure you are sick of it by now! :) This is my first week as a SAHM (not by choice). They downsized where I worked. We have 3 kids under the age of 7 with another one on the way. Definitely struggle with one income. I did, however, join my local Y (and they never turn anyone away for inability to pay. Years ago while in college they let me only pay $20.00 a month because that's all I could afford.) So talk with them and let them know if you can't afford the membership currently. They definitely will work with you. My local Y charges $2.00 an hour for babysitting 2 of my kids after I drop the older one at school. It's such a relief for an hour!! I'm pregnant so I just walk on the treadmill and watch T.V. for an hour. It's completely worth it!!! And once in a while I actually have an adult conversation with the person walking next to me. I also joined my local mom's group and will give that a try for a while. I refuse to stay home every minute of every day and stare at these walls day in and day out!!
Good luck to you and as you have read from the other postings there are plenty of us out there in your same situation. You're never alone.
(P.S. I also pray!!!! :) :) I need that little extra help some times just to get through the day!!)
Hi there- thanks so much again for the great responses. I am feeling very much at peace with my decision. I think that this is in due in part to the fact that I was offered a part-time job with my company so I had to face the prospect of returning to work two days a week and figuring out childcare. My dh and I talked it over and decided that even though we could save money if I worked, it wouldn't be worth all of the aggravation and stress. We've decided that for the next two to three years we are just going to assume that we will not save but we will focus on enjoying the time our kids are little.
thanks! I look forward to getting to "know" you