Ugh, so over it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Ugh, so over it.
7
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 11:01am

Hi everyone, I am a new mom and unfortunately my first post here is a total downer. I feel terrible. I don't like being a mom anymore. It is the most frustrating thing I have ever done and there is not much reward. Sure my son is cute but that only takes me so far. People keep telling me it will get better but I just keep waiting for that day. My son doesn't sleep, he fusses all the time, he has gas constantly, and I am just over it. Maybe I had unrealistic expectations of what motherhood would be but this is not it. I at the very least thought that there would be this bond between my child and myself. Sometimes it is there but most of the time I don't think he knows me from a hole in the wall. I am just annoyed, frustrated, tired, and a little sad that the reality of everything is so far from my vision of it. Plus I am staying home for now and I feel like I have to deal with all of this on my own. My husband works really hard and I feel bad asking for help or venting to him cause I know that he would love to stay home with our son. I get so frustrated that I pawn my son off on my mom just to get a break. I would just rather not deal with this anymore.

I'm sorry to be so depressing but I just feel defeated right now. And I am racked with guilt for feeling this way. I really wanted to be a mom and I feel like from the beginning of this it has been nothing like I imagined. Ugh, I just feel so lost and don't know what to do.

Kate
Evan born 4/20

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 12:22pm

big (((((HUGS))))) for starters... I am so sorry you are going through this.. I know motherhood isn't all that i thought it was going to be either.. but one thing i do know is that babies tend to know and feel i frustration... when he sleeps have you tried swaddling him and maybe laying him on his side and put some blankets rolled up behind him and even one in front of him to maybe think that you are holding him.. as far as the gas goes there are gas drops that you can give him.. have you tried that? it also might be the formula that might be giving him a belly ache... i would try talking to your ped about it and see what he suggests.. I do hope that things do get better and please keep us updated...


if you ever need to talk you can email me through my profile...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2007
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 12:34pm

Hi welcome to the board.

 

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2007
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 1:29pm

Hi and welcome...I just SO related to you when I was reading your post.

Krista_edited-1.gif picture by baybreeze01
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 2:27pm

I'm so sorry your going through this.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2007
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 7:54pm

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. While I didn't have that hard of a time adjusting to motherhood (we have to - an almost 6 year old and a 2 1/2 year old) - some days are DEFINITELY better than others - for all moms. Talk to your husband, talk to a doctor, like the others suggested. There is NOTHING wrong with asking for a little help.

I don't know if you are nursing, but with our son, he was spitting up ALL the time.... our daughter hardly ever spit up. I later figured out on my own that MY iron supplements (my iron was low after my c-section) were upsetting his stomach. I remembered one night when we weren't sleeping about 3 am that my FIL said he couldn't take vitamins with iron in them.... I stopped taking them, and he was fine, and he also started sleeping better. Diet makes a huge difference.

There were nights when I just cried, "I just want to get some sleep. PLEASE go back to sleep!" It's hard... it really is.

Shari

Where No Mom is Ever Alone
Where No Mom is Ever Alone
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 8:34pm
prayer and positive though heading your way. I hope your baby sleeps well soon and I pray that you'll feel better.
I want you to know your baby loves you and notices you even tho you don't realise it and allthough he may not watch you with his eyes he knows your scent and feels you are close to him. just don't let him feel your frustration cause he feels your feelings (I don't know how babys do that but they do) so he'll feel better once he's imbraced in a more positive invironment KWIM just try to grab your feelings and turn them around into something good and try to see the sunny side of things.
if all else fails you should go to the pediatritian and ask for them to committ the boy and teach him how to sleep (I know this sounds crazy but some children just don't know how to sleep and need to be tought) I'm sure there is a sleep counselour in your hospital or the place where the montly checkups are done that can help you with teaching your son to sleep sorry this turned out so long... hope you'll feel better soon.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2007
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 11:44am

Hi Kate. Welcome to the board. I'm sorry things have been rough for you. Do you listen to Dr. Laura? I'm just curious since you mentioned that you don't want to whine to your husband since he would love to stay home. That's something she says in one of her books. It's difficult when something we expect to be one way turns out to be completely different. And it can be overwhelming because this is something we can't get out of. It's not like with a dog or a cat where if it's not working out we can find them another home. And it's hard when we don't get enough sleep because then we are on edge and easily frustrated and it makes it all the more harder.

Have you talked to your doctor about the possibility that you could be experiencing some post-partum depression? It is best to discuss this soon and possibly be given some sort of medication that could help level out your hormones. I read in my What to Expect book about PPD because I have feelings like that sometimes too. It gets tough and I can get a little depressed about it. The way you feel sounds similar to what was in that book.

IMO all mothers feel like this occasionally. What I wouldn't give to pawn these kids off on my mom sometimes, KWIM? It gets tough. I doubt my ability to handle being a mom all the time. Just in the last two years I've learned that being a mom is the biggest test of patience, will-power, confidence and strength(mental, emotional and physical) that anyone could ever experience. I think every woman on this board will agree with that.

So try to forget your expectations about motherhood and just go with the flow. Sleep when your son sleeps. Snuggle with him. And really, talk to your doctor. The baby blues should have passed by now and it could be something more serious but easily fixable. Take care of yourself and we're all here to help or listen.

Tarra

Tarra

mommy to

Noah (10/13/05)

and