Unsupportive moms
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Unsupportive moms
| Mon, 05-24-2004 - 9:58pm |
Anyone else have other moms/women tell you your next child will be a terror b/c your 1st, 2nd etc. is so good?
My son is a happy boy, outgoing and other than typical toddlerhood issues, a dream child. I don't know if it's a chance to rain on my parade or what, but SOOOOOO many moms (too many to count) have told me that my next child is going to be a terror b/c I've been so lucky w/ the first. They say things like: "oh don't think your next one will sleep so well", or "Your next one won't be so loving and cuddly".
My son is a happy boy, outgoing and other than typical toddlerhood issues, a dream child. I don't know if it's a chance to rain on my parade or what, but SOOOOOO many moms (too many to count) have told me that my next child is going to be a terror b/c I've been so lucky w/ the first. They say things like: "oh don't think your next one will sleep so well", or "Your next one won't be so loving and cuddly".
I'm just plain frustrated and disappointed that women are saying negative things like this when I believe we should all stick together and try to build one another up!
My mom says to ignore them, and I know that's the best thing; and I try to ignore the comments and put them out of my head...but I just have to know if anyone else has gone through this or if I just have a sticker on my head that says "Tell me how awful my other kids will be!!"
Thanks!

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Kim
EDD July 25th w/baby girl
I had to tell you, I sat here and laughed for what seemed forever after reading your post!
The very same thing happened to me. With first ds I swear he never got to sleep on his own, I clearly remember he only feel asleep 4 times by himself from the time he was newborn to 6 months old. I was completly obsessed with him. He was and is an abosolute Angel.
My husband and I used to go home after dinner with my sister and just talk about how we would never let our kids act the way hers does. Our ds would sit like a little man at the table and you would swear he had taken charm classes, he was so perfect.
Well now we know better! Our now two year old had horrible colic till he was about 6 months old, he had allergy problems, and just bounces off the walls. He is our little dictator and bosses everyone around! Now when we go to restraunts with youngest ds we feel like wearing those big glasses with nose disguises! LOL
To the first poster I hate to tell you but everytime I see a mom with a child and one on the way, I'm thinking...Oh god, she has NO idea what is about to happen..someone should warn her..lol.
I of course try hard to keep opinions to myself but you just gotta grin and bear it.
I wish for you a happy uneventful delivery and for all those mamma's to keep it to themselves!
Traci
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While EVERYONE is entitled to thier opinon, it is extremly frusterating to be excited about the upcoming #2, and have every stranger you pass make some sort of rude comment.
The funny thing is, I received all sorts of comments when I was pregnant about the "horrors" of pregnancy, and delivery... you know, how so and so had to practically be put under, and epi's don't work, 46 hrs of labour, the most horrendous pain in the world, bla bla, bla. I went into labour expecting the most misserable time of my life, and you know what??? It was great. 6 hrs labour start to finish, 3 pushes, no drugs, no stitches.
Maybe some people can't handle stressful situations as well as others. Let that be thier problem, and don't let them take it out on you. I've stopped entertaining them, and just tell them that I'm sorry that they had such a miserable experience with thier children, and I hope I don't feel that way about my new child when he/she arrives.
The other thing is, obviously we knew having baby #1 our lives would be different, and having additional children, OF COURSE it's going to be different. It's a whole different dynamic, we're not stupid... we know it's a whole new ballgame, let us discover how we feel, without being put under a constant shadow of doom and gloom.
Good luck.
Lesley
Tanya
Please tell your dh that my dh and I were the same way...oh gosh we are in so much trouble with the next one. Well you know what? We were right! LOL But to imagine a life without our little one is unimaginable! He is completely different from his brother, but he is a competly differnt person. Everyone is unique and hey, I am a second born, and I did not turn out so bad.
Good luck I know your dh will be the same when you have another one!
Traci
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Don't worry about it too much. Chances are the second baby will be different, but heck aren't we all. After about 6 months you get use to having more than one the same way you got use to having one, and it don't seem too bad.
My first was queit and reserved, my second out-going and loud, my third a unstopable bundle of energy and my fourth an over concerned clean freak. They are all different and that's what makes them great.
Now if someone could tell me how to get the gum out of the rug, I would love them.
Frogg
I was expecting another child like my first when I was pregnant and stressing out about how I was going to manage and honestly it has been much easier than I ever, ever, thought. In fact we were only planning for two because I didn't think I could handle three but now we are thinking of three. Some friends of mine have told me that they don't want to burst my bubble but that when my son becomes a toddler he will change and be a holy terror. I realize children change and go through stages, my dd is 4 so I am familar with the toddler years. Aside from the normal stages, my ds would have to have a complete and total personality change to turn that way. My friends assure me he will.
To be honest I don't believe it and it bugs me that they say it all the time. I almost get the feeling they wish he *would* turn out bratty.
As far as the pregnancy goes I had 2 c-sections, planned and unplanned. Even the unplanned one, while a little scary because we needed to get my dd out asap, was wonderful. My second c-section was planned and it was fabulous. I was able to clearly enjoy the moment because I was not in pain and I remember every detail. I was as happy and calm as my dh and we were able to really share the moment. Before I had my child all I heard was how I would be depressed because of being robbed of the birth experience and I would have a painful month long recovery. I have never missed the traditional birth experience and I was completely off meds by 5 days post-op. The experience was wonderful, my pain never ever went over a '3' on the pain scale and I was walking the next day, requested to go home a day early, and was getting around the same as my friends who delivered vaginally. They were amazed I was doing so well and tried to tell me to lay back in bed but my Dr said I was doing great and walking was okay if I felt like it, just don't strain. So I think you are right, it all comes down to perception of stress. Good luck!!
Grinnin'. Not so much that as what we all say now - for the kids who are tough now, we're hoping for easy adolescence, or if they're easy now, we're fearing the teen years.
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