Unsupportive moms

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Unsupportive moms
16
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 9:58pm
Anyone else have other moms/women tell you your next child will be a terror b/c your 1st, 2nd etc. is so good?

My son is a happy boy, outgoing and other than typical toddlerhood issues, a dream child. I don't know if it's a chance to rain on my parade or what, but SOOOOOO many moms (too many to count) have told me that my next child is going to be a terror b/c I've been so lucky w/ the first. They say things like: "oh don't think your next one will sleep so well", or "Your next one won't be so loving and cuddly".

I'm just plain frustrated and disappointed that women are saying negative things like this when I believe we should all stick together and try to build one another up!

My mom says to ignore them, and I know that's the best thing; and I try to ignore the comments and put them out of my head...but I just have to know if anyone else has gone through this or if I just have a sticker on my head that says "Tell me how awful my other kids will be!!"

Thanks!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 8:02pm
Don't you sometimes wish people would pray for God to put His arm around their shoulders, then place His hand over their mouths? Is it wrong to pray that for them? lol

I feel that different people say these things for different reasons. We *planned* (LOL) to have our children about 1 1/2-2yrs apart, well when dd was less than 5 mos. old I got pg with ds. Sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry, sometimes we do both at the same time. Some days she is the angel, sometimes the devil and the same goes for him. Being a mom, or a dad, means learning to roll with the punches and rejoice in the joy.

good luck to all those expecting 2nd blessing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 6:25pm
I do the same thing Traci does, I see someone pregnant with their first baby and I think "Little do THEY know what's coming up!" But our daughter (our only child and my husband and I agree we are done!) was a difficult baby and after going through the first year of being a mom I just thought that all babies were like that. It came as such a surprise to me to visit my brother and sister-in-law at Christmas time and see my 3 month old neice for the first time and she DIDN'T scream and cry for 5 hours each night, she was ALREADY sleeping through the night (my daughter still gets up 2 or 3 times a night and she is almost 2) and I could actually hold my neice! (With my daughter at 3 months I had to swing her through the air at 90 miles an hour or she would scream). My neice was so easy and I think I was a little jealous - like I got ripped off and was given a tempramental monster instead of a cuddly baby. I now look after a 10 month old boy during the week and he, too, is an easy baby. He never cries, he will sit and play with toys, and when he's tired he will sleep. I have told his parents they are lucky to have such an easy baby, but now I am hoping I didn't upset them by that comment. (Did they go home and think "Easy? Yeah right - he woke up once in the night a week ago!") I will NEVER admit to them, though, that I think their son is a precious little angel and I sometimes catch myself thinking I wish my daughter would have been (or will someday be) that quiet and happy. By having their son in my home I feel like I am now experiencing the joys of a baby. I never had that with my daughter because she never really was a baby. (Make any sense? It will to anyone who's had a difficult baby!)

I think people who have had a difficult baby are just trying to warn you that it MIGHT happen that the second one will not be like the first one, so be prepared and don't go into it thinking you know what it is like to have a baby in the house because you might be shocked to see what some babies can really be like.

Everyone is so quick to give the advice, you can take useful bits of information out of it, but don't listen to everything you hear. The most annoying advice I got (when my daughter was hitting all of her milestones very early) was "Early walker - late talker!" but she talks VERY well for her age (she was speaking in full sentances at 15 months old) so that comment was untrue as well.

Don't get upset about it, they are not UNSUPPORTIVE, they are just trying to share their experience of motherhood. Be happy you have a good baby and if your second one is also good, you can thank your lucky stars for that too. But don't EXPECT your second to be just like your first because that would just be silly.

~Jolene

Avatar for banjobraids
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 1:07am
I agree! I am a first time mom, and my DD is a really good natured baby. Everyone who hears that is so cynical and says the same thing about the second one being a terror. ALSO, they keep saying, "Just you wait until she gets older!!" when I say I'm having a good time being a mom. It's so irritating! I'm sure there will be challenges all along the way, but I'm still planning to ENJOY it!

Claire

Claire & Baby Liberty 2/18/04

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 1:33pm
thanks Claire! I too am sure there will be more trials and tribulations; already have had some w/ my son. But I'm enjoying each stage. Sadly I do think some women are just mean and want to scare others. For instance, when I was pregnant so many women told horror stories of labor. Now when people ask me what labor was like I tell them sure it hurt but it's so worth it. I don't feel the need to scare anyone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 12:38am
I get alot of bad vibes from people too. ODD has special needs and for a long time had severe behavior problems (tantrums, violence, not listening, etc.) When I got pregnant with odd,alot of people said "If my first one turned out like THAT, I wouldn't have any more. What are you a sucker for punishment?" So now ydd is a typical 2yo, hyper and into things. People say "So when are you having more?" like they're puppies or something. I tell them dh got fixed so we'd be sure not to have more. They make comments that it must be because my kids are such terrors. I'll be the first to admit they are, but that has nothing to do with it. They don't believe that we're done because I had complications after ydd was born (blood clots, 2 blood transfusions, 2 hospital stays a few days after coming home etc.) and I really don't want to be that sick again. My hemoglobin was so low, I probably almost died. They say "Oh, just admit it. The little brats drive you crazy and you can't handle it." At that point I say "Well, actually, I lied. DH didn't get a vasectomy. We're gonna have as many kids as the good lord lets us. I'm hoping for at least 8!" That gets them to shut up!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 11:42am
I've had other mothers tell me when I was pregnant with #4 that I am "due" for a difficult child since my other three are so easy going. I think their perception of difficult is different from mine. I'm pretty easy going about things and very patient. I don't let a lot ruffle my feathers. They also may have had an easy first and assume since thier second was difficult it happens that way with everyone.

I find it i annoying, its as if other moms are wishing a difficult child on me.




Edited 6/1/2004 11:53 am ET ET by luvinmyfour

   

 

 

Pages