Upset, confused, worried, you name it

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2006
Upset, confused, worried, you name it
3
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 6:06pm

I'm new here and have read tons of your posts about staying at home. I currently work 30 hours a week (8-2) each day at a great organization in which I can only move up in. This place also provides free university courses so that I obtain a degree, and has wonderful benefits.

I have been married for a few years and have a 2-yr-old daughter and a baby on the way.

We moved over from another country last year and have finally settled in. My hubby works full-time, I work part-time, and our daughter is VERY adjusted to daycare. Our dd loves the friends she has made and never cries at dropoff.

Now that the 2nd baby is on the way we are facing the tough decision of whether I should stay-at-home or work part-time (30 hours). If I stay at home we will have to sell our 2nd car and I'd have to work a couple of evenings and one weekendday a week. Although my hubby has a great job, the benefits outweigh the actual pay.

After reading a lot of your posts, I'm very jealous that some of you even have a choice of staying at home. I'm certainly not putting anyone down if they want to work, I'm just jealous because if I do stay at home I would live a very poor life. But, even if I work part-time we will be breaking even--if that.

If I stay at home I'm keeping my daughter from a nursery she has grown to love and asks to go to. It's the only place we've ever taken her and she really love the people around here. It's a wonderful center. If we take her out of it there is about a year waiting list on it.

My job is going very well. I can see it going places, but of course I'd rather be at home.

I just feel like I'm a horrible mom. I can't offer all the things I wish I could offer to my children. With one child we do very well, but with two it's a lot different.

We planned both pregnancies, and are very pleased but I'm so worried. I can't stop crying and worrying.

I hope someone writes back. I'd appreciate any ideas.

Thanks,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 6:27pm
Congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm pregnant too with #2 (due in April). It was not planned, but a nice surprise. :) Your dilemma is one that many of us have faced. It can be tough to decide financially if staying at home is doable. But I think most of us would agree that it can be done. And it can be tough to live frugally and worry about money but, at least for me, it is worth it to be home with my son. But you know your situation better than any of us and all we can offer is our support in making the best decision for your family. It sounds like your daughter is happy at the daycare she attends and that you trust your sitter, which is nice. Not many people are able to find someone like that to care for their children. You also have the benefit of only working six hours a day and so you get to spend more time with your kids than if you worked full-time. It is a tough decision to make so I want to send you *hugs* and support and tell you to follow your gut. Don't worry about the crying. I cry all the time. It's just
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 8:09pm

I have been a stay at home wife/mom for 16 1/2 years. Even after both of my kids were in school, I stayed home. I volunteered at the school some, but I wanted to be a SAHM so that if my kids get sick or whatever, I was there. And I do truly believe that the older they get, the more they need you at home!

You only get a few precious years with your kids. One day you will blink and your dd will be a teenager(and yes, it REALLY happens that fast!). My dd is 14 and I look at her some days and wonder how on earth 14 years has passed so fast. The love, attention, and time spent with them is MUCH more important than material items. We live on under 50,000 a year. That is BEFORE taxes, insurance, etc. We are a family of four and we do without a lot of material things. We don't get brand new cars, 95% of our clothes are second-hand, etc. We live on a shoestring, but it's SO worth it to me! We have a very close, loving relationship with our kids and they don't miss any of those material things!

I am doing in home daycare for a teacher this year. Her kids are girls almost 4 and just turned 5 and a baby boy who is 7 1/2 months old. They learn so much here and the baby does new things and she misses it! I taught both of her girls to tie their shoes. The baby rolled over for me first, said ma-ma for me first, etc. There is NO way I would have missed that with my kids for all the money or things in the world!

It's hard living on less money. I won't lie. There are times when money is so tight that I have 30.00 to buy groceries for the week. We don't take vacations(we do go camping). We don't go to the movies or bowling,etc. But it's forced us to really look at our lives and to spend quality time with our kids. There is nothing like camping for a weekend and spending it fishing, roasting hot dogs, sitting by a campfire, etc. with your kids. You learn to live with less and to make the most of what you do have.

I will say that staying at home isn't for everyone. My sister would shrivel up and die if she had to stay home with her kids. She is just NOT the type to do it. She cares far to much about fancy expensive things and always going,going, going! She also has NO patience with her kids and being a SAHM requires patience!

Remember, the only things that a child truly needs are love and attention, food and shelter and clothing. It doesn't have to be name brand food, brand new clothes or name brands. Small children don't care what they wear! They'd much rather have your time and attention then things! And if you start them off at an early age, they won't care when they get older either. My dd LOVES thrift stores and garage sales and getting a bag of second hand clothes is like Christmas with her! She has her own style and dresses accordingly, but she doesn't give a whit if it's new or not!

As to the day care, you can probably find a playgroup in your area to attend with your dd. Alot of libraries have story hours that you can attend with your little ones. Maybe you can make friends with other SAHM's in your area and set up playdates. There are other options for getting your kids out. And I personally believe that they are better off with you than in a day care!

Don't make a hasty decision. Take some time and make a plan. What areas of your budget can you cut out or cut down on? Will you save money on fuel costs by not driving to work? Will you save money by not eating lunch out at work every day? How much will you save on the daycare? Can you cut your cable channels? Can you cut your grocery bill down? Create a plan of action and then stop and think it through some more! If you do decide that you need to continue working, then be secure in that decision! Know that it's what right for you and your family and don't let it nag at you!

Good luck!

Sherri

Sherri ~ mom to Brooke and Tyler, wife to Randall and fan of Nascar's Carl Edwards

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 9:01pm

Don't be jealous of me, I'm poor, lol!!!!!

Chrissy

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