venting for a moment

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
venting for a moment
6
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 12:51pm
I ran into an old acquaintance recently ...

Her: So, what are you doing home?

Me: I'm a mom, I stay home with the kids ...

Her: How many do you have?

Me: Two. You?

Her: Two. But I'm done. The factory is CLOSED. You?

Me: I'd like more.

Her: REALLY? Wow. You stay at home, huh?

Me: Yes. What have you been up to?

Her: I own my own company . I wish I were so lucky that I could stay home. I'd like to be that lucky, too.

The conversation ended here, someone else came home, we said goodbye and left ... but I wanted to say: "Lucky? It's not lucky. It's not about luck at all. It's about choices and making decisions and sacrifices. It can be a hard decision. We've had to move in with my parents so we could afford this, but everyone is excited about this being the best for the kids. And it's not about luck. I don't get to have supernice clothes or own a company or have a house, but it's a trade-off. My husband and I have chosen to give our kids the best emotionally --- even if it's the hard thing financially."

Granted, I know some parents must work to make a go of it, but it just struck me as so .... weird ... to have someone who had financially so much (she has her own business, a house, fabulous clothes, etc.) and tell me I'm lucky.

Nah. Just blessed! : )

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 2:30pm
I know what you mean. All of my friends who have kids work, not because they HAVE to, but because they couldn't handle being home with the kids all day (sounds selfish to me, but I don't judge them--some just aren't "cut out" for it--heck half the time I feel like I'm not "cut out"!!). And I'll admit, some days I think to myself, "What I wouldn't give for just one DAY of work, with grown up conversation, staff meetings, and conference calls. Just one DAY where I don't have to change a diaper or clean the Cheerios out of the DVD player." But, I wouldn't trade being home with my kiddos for even one day. It's difficult, and we have to count every penny we make, but it is so worth it to have that closeness with my kids.

I agree, we truly are blessed. :D

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 2:32pm

LOL...I like you already!


As I was reading your post I was thinking to myself sheesh some people, don't they know it is BLESSED not lucky?


Guess all of us SAHM'S are mind readers! lol


I completely understand about making sacrifices to stay home. Most people I run into that are stay at home moms are staying home because they CAN, not because they want to and think it is best for their family. My husband makes an average income, we drive an average car(mini van really :)

Are you a M.O.M-Mom of Many? Find other M.O.M's

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 6:38pm
Yes, WANT and CAN are two different things. We were the WANTers. We even moved to Texas from Illinois so I could stay at home. Without my salary after having our first son, we couldn't afford to live in the expensive Chicago 'burbs anymore. But I grew up in South Texas, so it's like coming home. Although I do miss the seasons...it's better to see the stages of my sons' growth

:D

God Bless!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:16pm

Some people just dont get it and never will.
I would just ignore it if I were you.

Lilypie Baby Days



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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 10:34pm
Mommybeetx,

I like how you mentioned "the real world." It's funny ... What sounds more real? Having a child then raising the child? Or dropping off the kids for someone else to raise them then kill yourself working hard trying to ? It sounds unreal to just spawn them and do nothing more ...

And yes, it's all about blessings. There's this wonderful scene in "Fiddler on the Roof" when Tevya, the main guy, hardly has a dime and everything's rough for him, but his family plods on. Anyhow, when he brings home someone else for his dear wife to make dinner for, she claps her hands together and says, "Another blessing!"

My husband and I, when things are difficult, when it seems like we are the lab mice not even in the maze but hitched over the side peeking in (or having escaped), we remind ourselves of our blessings. Like having to move in with my parents to make it financially rather than have our own little apartment ... We say, "We get to have more family around! Another blessing!" It starts out sometimes a little bit tongue-in-cheek but, you know ... There are really lots of blessing abounding ...

~ Maria

p.s. I read your profile, and the writing part sounded interesting to me! I, too, am a writer. I won't say "struggling" because that's just stating the obvious. Hee, hee!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 10:41pm
Stooges3,

Exactly! I don't always feel cut out for it either ... This acquaintance was standing in this cute little designer outfit, sporting trendy hair and smart little glasses, telling me about a house and her business, and --- yes, I admit this --- I thought, "Maaaaaaaaaaaan, that sounds FUN." I had this weird flashback to the Pivotal Decision in my career and suddenly took off in Fantasyland where I am the next Lois Lane and doing amazing journalistic feats. I indulge it for a moment then just let it go with a shake of my head. I could never be the person who I used to be. I've little ones, and as soon as I was pregnant, everything changed. The world remained the same, but I noticed different things, and I just can't plod on with my life as if I don't have two wee souls looking for me to teach them how to be kind and honest and compassionate.

So, ah, well. It's Old Navy jeans and t-shirts, a shared household and a sporadic editing job via e-mail for me. (pause) Yes, it's not as glamorous as we all thought (LOL), but it's such an amazing vocation.

Cheers! (I'm lifting up my coffee in salute to SAHMs!)

~ Maria