Venting...BTW I'm new here!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
Venting...BTW I'm new here!
7
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 8:43am

Hi everyone! My name is Kristen, I'm 25 and I have a 2 year old daughter. I am also 16 weeks pregnant with our second child. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a SAHM but with our first child we couldn't afford it. When DD was 18 months, my husband got a promotion and we were able to swing me working two days a week. My husband is up for promotion again in March so once this new baby comes I will be staying home full-time and I can't wait!

That being said, I have a friend (who has been TTC for over a year). She is driving me crazy! Not with TTC, because I'm totally there for her and understanding of that, but she keeps making comments about working and money vs. staying at home. Granted, she doesn't have her bundle of joy yet, but she keeps saying that she doesn't want to stay home (with the baby she's been trying so hard to have) because she likes having the two-incomes and she doesn't want to have to sacrifice anything. I'm sure this is just my pregnancy hormones kicking in and you all might think I'm going off the deep end by getting riled up over this...but...

I guess because it's always been my passion (to stay at home) I just can't understand how someone could want all the "things" you need to keep up with the Jones' instead of being home with your child? I've had my child in daycare and I think there are some benefits to having your child around other children and being watched by someone else for a bit...BUT...I also hated them giving me updates on my own baby! I hated that I only got a few hours with her before she had to go to bed. I have so enjoyed this time I'm spending with my daughter (time I will NEVER get back) and to think that she would want to throw that all away for the nicest this or the top of the line that! Granted, we have made some sacrifices for me to stay home but they are minimal and I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. But my friend keeps using the phrase, "I don't want to have to sacrifice anything." And she says this right after I'll be telling someone of the cut backs we've made so I can stay home.

Am I crazy for being bugged by this? I know to each his own...but I'm just having trouble understand how you could feel that way! I just needed a place where I could vent to people who are probably in the same boat as I am or maybe understand where I'm coming from. I just don't understand people sometimes!
Thanks for listening!

Kristen

Hailey Grace: 03/01/2005
Baby #2: Due 08/14/2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 10:23am

Welcome to the board Kristen, and congrats on your pregnancy!!!
Honestly I think your friend would bug me too, but right now she doesn't have any children. She may begin to feel differently after she actually has a baby. Remember too that staying home is not for everyone, and maybe she doesn't mean to be rude about it, she just doesn't understand.
BTW I'm Desiree, and dh Kyle and I have been married 12 years. We live in Texas, and I homeschool my kiddos.

It's great to have you with us!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 11:37am

Hi, and welcome to the board. I'm glad that you could find a way to be a SAHM to your kids. It is very rewarding to be able to be there for them. I've done both and I truly enjoy being at home with my son better than anything the money I earned could buy me.

As for your friend, it sounds like she likes the idea of having a family but might not be mature enough to know that you have to sacrifice for the greater good. We've made sacrafices, as had probably everyone on this board, but it is because this is something that we want so bad that we were willing to give up for it. I don't understand why someone who is trying to hard to conceive would want someone else to raise her child but her mind might change when/if she gets pregnant and when the baby comes. I was set on going back to work after my son was born but as soon as I gave birth I just looked down at him and I knew that I couldn't leave him with someone else. Maybe she'll feel that way too.

Again, welcome to the board. I'm Tarra, SAHM to Noah and due with a baby girl in April.

Tarra
Noah - 16 months
EDD baby girl 4/21/07

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 12:02pm

Welcome to the board-where you will find friendship, fun and games and a little bit of sanity also. I am kinda new here also-I live in Utah have a 2 year old, 8 year old and 17 year old, and 3 out of the house too! I've been a SAHM for 24 years!

I am sorry your friend is making such a big deal out of it the big question- SAHM VS WORKING-It's the never ending debate! I found that with a few friends i had to agree to disagree and not talk about it- had to even sever ties with some that wouldn't stop talking about it and driving me crazy. Their were a few that cam back to me after they had a baby and saw things in a whole new light after their bindles arrived-most women can't imagine loving something so much or how it changes you-then again there are those that continued to work and loved it-personally i love to SAH and watch my kids grow up!

Good luck with your friend!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2005
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 1:49pm

Hi and welcome to the board!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 2:53pm

Staying at home is definitely not for every Mom.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 9:06pm
Hi Kristen I'm Jess, I'm new to this message board stuff. I just have to say that everyone has a different opinion of what motherhood should be. I want to stay home as you do and feel these are the most important days of their lives. Others don't feel the connection to their children that we do. I have two sons. Tyson will be 3 in may and Clayton will be 1 in june. Tyson sings many songs and loves to draw. Hes already starting to write his name and is very polite. He is also very reserved which makes me wonder about more interaction with other kids may help. Clayton is the exact opposite. He gets very excited over the mallest things. His arms start flailing and he babbles up a storm. He says dada all the time and mama when hes getting upset or wants to be nursed. Are you planning to nurse? Do you kknow what your having? Are you going to find out? How was delivery for your first child? I had an induction my first delivery after being 9 days late. I got nubain a few times and sat in the bath. It wasn't that pleasent. My second delivery was much better. I refused the I.V. and had a med free birth. My husband even fell asleep for a short time while I was in the shower.
Back to the deal with your friend. I have a friend that was making me uncomfortable with the way she treated her kids. Sometimes you can't change the parent but you have to think of your daughter and little one and decide who you want them influenced by. It made my decision to stop hanging out with her much easier. I lilve in Vermont, Where do you lilve? Good luck with you rfriend and preganacy. HOpe to hear from you soon!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 8:45am

Hi Kristen!


I'm Tanya, SAHM to Emily who is 21 months old.

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