Very concerned about my son..need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Very concerned about my son..need help
2
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 4:58pm

My son is 7yrs old. He is in the 1st grade for the 2nd time. He has been doing very well in school, surprising me b/c we have missed alot due to the hurricanes. When it comes to school work, he is ontrack and his teacher is very happy with him. BUT, when it comes to his social skills, we have a problem and I dont know what to do. At his teacher conference a month ago; his teacher had mention that he was starting to be a minor problem, that there was no need to do anything..yet. Well, last week, he started acting up in class. He talks and talks and very mean to his classmates. He tells everyone what to do and is very concerned about everyone else is his class. He is talking so much that he does not hear the directions that are given. His teacher started a daily behavior progress sheet. Today's was the worst. I dont know what else to do. He was already on probation (no tv, outside or computer time) so today I told him he was to stay in his room and since he cannot stop talking, he is not allowed to speak unless he is spoken to. I also removed his hamster from his room and that really upset him. I told him that if he brought home a good note from school tomorrow then he can have him back.

I have talked with him. His father has spoken with him. (we are divorced, have been for 4yrs now and we both have moved on and had other children)
I know my son has been through a lot. I just found out I am pregnant again. This news is not the greatest, but its something we are dealing with. He is the oldest of 5 children (will be 6 in July) and I know that is putting some strain on him.

Has any one else gone thru this with their child? I know when I was in school, I was a talker, but it wasnt this bad. Any tips would be greatful.

Thanks!!!

Kay

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 8:44pm

Since you said this just started last week, then I am led to believe that their is something going on that is triggering this behavior. You mentioned that he is the oldest of 5 soon to be six. In a large family you can sometimes feel like you need to be loud or do something outrageous to get attention. If you have a normally boisterous household...which would not be uncommon with 5 kids, then he may feel this is a natural way to express himself.


He might be needing some time where he is the center of attention. I am not saying your not doing this already but it might be a good idea to give him some extra time with you and his stepdad. Maybe let him stay awake an extra 30 minutes, giving the excuse to the others that he is older. Maybe just sit and listen and see if he is just wanting to talk without anyone interrupting. Or you could have "date nights" with each kid. During the month give each kid a time alone with mom and then

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Tue, 11-30-2004 - 7:06am

Thanx for your reply. Some of the ideas you suggested sounded great. Like you, I have suspected that something triggered this. I mean he has been doing so well and all of a sudden he is a major problem. His father and I really do not get along that well and talking to him usually ends up in an arguement. So, I waited until the kids were in bed and fast asleep before I called him to let him know of the note that was sent home from school. He (as usually) said that our son's behavior would not be a problem if he lived there. A boy needs his father and seeing him every weekend is not enough. I said you know what, I agree. A boy does need his father. So, you can pick him up one night during the week and take him to McD's or something. He said he cant do that, he has his "other children" to think about too and plus he works alot..so he can pay me all that childsupport ( I get $371 a month for our 2 children...woohoo!!)
I told him that most of this behavior is normal b/c its boyish behavior but after speaking with our son, he said that he wanted to spend more time with us, that "daddy" is always busy and that "mommy" doesnt feel good all the time. My ex then said I shouldnt be having another baby if I cant take care of the three that I have. I just told him to just take his son fishing or something this weekend, spend sometime with the boy. Now this is where it gets interesting. He said that he would, but not this weekend. He had "4" other kids to look after. I said 4?? When did you have two other children? He then said that he and his wife took in her sister's children (they were taken away from her by the state..claiming she is unfit) and that they are looking to adopt them. So he has 4 children under the age of 4 that live with him 24-7 and then add our 2 everyweekend.Thats 6 kids on the weekends!!! Its been like that for the last 3 weeks. Looking back at my son's progress notes, the last 2 MONDAYS have been his worse days. My children are picked up from school on Friday by their dad or stepmom and I pick them up on Sunday. It makes since that he is um...what would you call it..high strung after coming back from his dad's?? I mean after spending a weekend with all that going on he is like...LOOK AT ME!!! LOOK AT ME!!

Now in my house, its not that different, there is a lot of craziness going on. I have 3 children and preggo with #4. My first two are from my first marriage and my other 2 are from my current relationship. My baby has some medical problems and is consider special needs . I have a nurse and a case manager that comes to my house once a week (she is expected to outgrow this but needs the extra help to keep her on track with her milestones). She also has a lot of dr appts and I also have a dr appts being preggo. SO, I know my son is missing me. We used to do things together but since the baby was born (she is 5mos) things have been hard, especially since the baby has been in and out of the hospital. I feel very guilty b/c I am not giving time my children deserve but I dont know what else to do.

The other thing that might have triggered this is the fact that child services has been investigating me for the last 2mos. My ex has been calling them reporting that I am a drug user,so is my better half and that we "beat the children regularly". NOW, all of these charges are no where near true and the state knows that. But they also have to do their job and that includes interviewing my children. They were here about 2wks ago on a call that I sit up all nite and stick needles in my arms and then act crazy. That is what the caller reported my son told that person. The state is not allowed to tell me who is reporting it but I am almost certain that its my ex. My caseworker has also told me that I have nothing to worry about and that they are investigating that the reports were false and if so ,they will press charges on that person. I have been reported 8 times in the last year and all have been false. I have passed every drug test, so has my better half and there is no evidence of abuse.

This is a lot longer than I intended in to be. I was up last nite thinking of what could have triggered my son's behavior. ANY ideas are would be greatful.

Kay