Want another baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Want another baby
10
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 1:57pm
I so want another baby.
I love children and feel it is my part in the world to be a mom....
My husband says NO. I think it is unfair that his choice is also mine cause it is what he wants.
I just don't know what to do.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 2:22pm

Sorry Mel. I want more to, and so does DH but we are afraid to have more.


I had diabetes and there is no choice but to have a c-section since I have already had 2. I aslo had a scare during surgery when my temp dropped really low.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:14pm

I had a question about your comment on this thread.....


You said "since foster kids are of course foster kids for a reason"
What do you mean by this?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:42pm
Sorry you are so bummed out Mel. How set on not having more children is your dh? Have you told him how you are feeling? I know it is hard seeing your little one grow so fast.....if only there was a way we could make them stay little forever.

Cari

Cari

Mom to 5 yr old girl and 2 yr old twinadoes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 6:17pm

uh..yeah. Guess tha didn't sound right. In our state unfortunetly cps does not seem to step in until the case is so extreme a child is in danger of dying. Instead of getting children help when it is a "small" problem they wait until the parents have so abused the child(ren) that they really need to live with someone who is trained and an expert almost in whatever abuse they suffered.


I would love to have foster children but they are taken from their home for a reason...meaning a parent or guardian has abused them to the extent that someone finally steps in. In Texas parents are given far to many chances to abuse their children. I had a foster sister who was sexually abused and actually sent back to live with the father that abused her from the time she was 2 until she was 14, she tried to commit suicide and said it was because she missed her family...so they sent her back!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 7:15pm
Ok, thought you were saying that they were their cause they were bad, but some are just there cuase their parent did not want them, and that is sad.
All children deserved to be loved no matter what they have done or gone through.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 9:21pm
"I think it is unfair that his choice is also mine cause it is what he wants."

Food for thought:

If one person says yes and the other no, who should win? Is it fair to put the extra burden (not the right word per se) on a person who doesn't want it?

Basically, in this situation, the person who says no wins. Yes, it sucks for you, but it is the only "fair" solution. Did you guys talk about kids before you got married?

Has he given you a reason for his decision? Is it financial? Is it just scared? Does he truly feel that your family is complete? Is it a rational or irrational reason (as far as you can tell)? Talk it over. Maybe you can allay his fears. Or maybe he can help you feel better about your situation.

You need to know that you are a mom already. Having another child won't change that or make you more a mom. I know it is hard when you have a yearning, but try to just enjoy what you have. Have fun this summer. Go to the parks, the movies, playgrounds and just have fun!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 11:23pm
I just wanted to add that, I want another baby to, and the obstacles in my way or my yearning in no way reflect an attitude of being ungrateful for what I "have". I go over and beyond loving and blessing my children and going to parks ect are a small part.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 4:19pm

I understand that he wins...
I do not want a baby he did not want, not fair to him or the baby...
Just wish we could talk more about it and get both of are reasons for the answer we give.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 4:37pm
This is a really though one. Have you considered counseling with your church? If you're not active members, then maybe real counseling, but obviously they cost more.

I've no other advice, but understand your prediciment. My dh wants another, but I've put the brakes on it for now, maybe when Allie is 2 or 3 I'll consider it. I've told him that when they are older that I would consider adopting an older child (4-5 ish)but he's not going for that. He really wants a boy, and all I ever wanted were girls, so now that I have them I'm being selfish.


(((HUGS)))

Jennifer, Jessica 2/23/01, Alexandra 7/8/03

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 6:12pm
Yes, I wonder the same about you saying foster kids are foster for a reason.

It sounded a bit harsh to me.


Edited 6/23/2004 6:16 pm ET ET by madaboutzin