We are getting the boys...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
We are getting the boys...
5
Sat, 07-10-2004 - 9:15pm

Dh is on his way home. He really went over there to bat for the kids! His sister is back in town but she said she might go back to her boyfriend.


I am really sad, and really glad at the same time. He is bringing home the 10 year old and the 4 year old.


Dh is really upset though because he could not talk the fifteen year old into moving. She has a job there and a boyfriend and does not want to leave. Dh said she reminded him of a grown woman, and she seems to have given up on depending on anyone else to take care of her. The 13 year old has been living with her father for the past year and Dh went over to check on her. He says he knows she would have a better life here but that she was not in any danger where she is.


Dh said his sister did not even put up a fight for the boys, he basicaly just told her they were coming here to live and she said OK.


So I will be sorounded by boys. I also care for my 8 year old and 1 year old nephew during the day, so that is 6 boys all day...lol. Guess I

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2000
Sat, 07-10-2004 - 10:13pm
Wow! A big change for you! You are definitely going about everything the right way. I can't imagine anyone doing a better job in this difficult situation than you are doing. The boys are ALL so lucky to have you. Hugs - Suzanne
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2003
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 1:06pm
I wish you all of the best with this. I think that it is wonderful and I believe that the boys will be so much better off. I am sure that it will take some adjusting, but in the end it will be better for everyone (especially those children). I must say that I agree with you about mothers like that. I can't think about not caring for my boy and I don't understand how people can do that.

Thank you so much for being there for these children and I wish you the best.

God Bless,

Gen
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 3:30pm
hey girl, i already told you how proud i am of you and that i think you're doing an awesome thing, but i wanted to mention that instead of bringing up bad memories i think this will actually be a big healing period for you. my mom was probably much like yours and i was in foster care and with other family off and on from 5 to 14 when i left home, and i carried alot of anger around until by a strange twist of fate i ended up fostering a little boy for 5 months when i was 16. it was one of the best things that ever happened to either me or him. i felt like i got a chance to be there for a child who needed me in a way that noone was ever available for me, and it actually healed a lot of old wounds. anyway, best of luck and i'll be thinking of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 5:55pm

Thank you so much for the encouragment. Already I see little things in the boys that they never had before. I almost cried when alex(10) said " We are going to eat lunch?" "We never eat lunch!" They are used to making their own breakfast and just hope someone brings them something for dinner!...let me stop that since I don't want to start crying and freak the kids out...don't want them to think I am an emotional basket case..LOL


You know , someone made a post today where you added things about yourself, and one of them was...what is your greatest accomplishment? I should have said that breaking the cycle of abuse and neglect in my family is my BIGGEST ACCOMPLISHMENT! Both Dh and I talk a lot about how we have overcome our childhoods to become parents we would have wanted!


I wanted to say I am so proud of you to!!!!! I always love to read your posts and love how you are with your kids!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 10:26am
that's been my greatest accomplishment as well, although i constantly feel inadequate for the challenge. i cried hysterically when i found i was pregnant with my dd because i was terrified i would repeat my mother's mistakes. so far i've managed not to do that; granted i've made plenty of my own lol, but i've never repeated hers! when you come from a dysfunctional childhood parenting is such a mysterious challenge, because you're starting from scratch with nothing to go by except things that you DON'T want to do, lol. you have no idea or experience with things you SHOULD do, just things you shouldn't. i started reading parenting books the second i learned i was pregnant, and i haven't stopped since. my dh says after all i've read i should have a master's degree in parenting/child psychology, but i still feel like half the time i'm clueless. i'm always proud when someone from a childhood like mine not only raises their children well but still has enough left to give to others. pain so often takes away a person's ability to care or empathize, it makes them an emotional cripple who is unable to give to anyone else, and i'm so glad that it didn't do that to you or your dh. experiencing great pain can either make you totally selfish or surprisingly altruistic, and i'm proud of the way that you overcame it. wtg girl, lol.

oh, and btw, here's the link to the excema board, in case you need it:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-ppeczema